To speak to this girl's mum

(20 Posts)
BooptheHoop Thu 04-Feb-16 20:28:49

I've just read a message on my 11year old son's phone saying "I know you want Olivia's pussy" Its from a girl in his class. He hasn't replied as far as I know and I've had a very good talking to him.
I feel sick that they use this language at 11!! I really want to go into school and address this and possibly speak to the girls parents. What do you think? Would that be an overreaction? Any advice?

gamerchick Thu 04-Feb-16 20:31:25

Tell the school and let them deal with it. Don't speak to the parents, let the school handle things.

ShamefulPlaceMarker Thu 04-Feb-16 20:33:56

Yep, I'd be straight in that school! Not approaching the parents

Narp Thu 04-Feb-16 20:34:31

That's tricky.

Are they at Primary or Secondary?

On balance, I don't think I'd do anything about it, other than to warn my son that if he were respond in kind, then that message is there potentially for anyone to see.

I have 2 sons, one of whom is similar age; the other is older.

pinkcan Thu 04-Feb-16 20:36:51

I'd certainly take a photo of it using your own phone so you have it if needed.

I'd definitely give a printout of the photo to school if it's primary. I'd think twice if secondary. Not sure in that case.

BooptheHoop Thu 04-Feb-16 20:38:20

They're still in Primary.

Narp Thu 04-Feb-16 20:39:02

I also think I'd be much more likely to go to school since they are in Primary.

jonquil1 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:42:23

Agreed, not the mum but the school. Time for the teacher to talk to the class about inappropriate language and respect.

BooptheHoop Thu 04-Feb-16 20:45:29

Thanks for the advice, I will speak to school tomorrow.
Can't believe how quickly they grow up these days! Where do you think they hear this language? I'm pretty sure this girl has no older siblings to hear it from.

Narp Thu 04-Feb-16 20:49:13

I don't know - it seems unusual to me, and another good reason to take it to the school. It may flag up a Safeguarding issue about her.

Griphook Thu 04-Feb-16 20:52:09

Oh that's horrible, I'd go to the school and speak to them, it's an awful text. I'd check the rest of his phone to see if there are any more.

Buttwing Thu 04-Feb-16 20:56:29

Almost exactly the same thing happened a few weeks to my dd. she read out a comment on Instagram from a boy in her class, it referred to another girl in the class and said he wanted to "bend her over and bang her"
They are in y6, I went into see the Deputy head the next day he was great and said he would speak to the parents who were mortified.

blossbloss Thu 04-Feb-16 20:59:24

Just a word of caution. I spoke to my DDs primary school teacher after witnessing online bullying of another child in her class and other parents saw me, gossiped in the playground, blew it all out of proportion and one of them had a very public go at me about it. On balance I am still glad I reported it but I wish I had made absolutely certain no other parent knew it was me who did so.

Potatoface2 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:59:26

are they allowed phones in primary school....goodness things have changed!

JWIM Thu 04-Feb-16 21:00:41

Safeguarding Governor here - please let the school know.

Our Primary children are regularly reminded about social media use. The line the teacher uses is only write something as if a parent or teacher is standing behind you.

Social media is a minefield still for young people because the 'social mores' or appropriate behaviours are still developing and, all the while, a permanent record of such things is being created that, 'in my day', would have been spoken and gone in a second.

Lovecat Thu 04-Feb-16 21:04:17

Report it to the Head or the member of staff responsible for Safeguarding (this info should be available on the school website) and keep the message on your DS's phone to show them. It's a safeguarding issue and needs to be investigated. Don't speak to the parents, the school will do that.

Iammostseriouslydispleased Thu 04-Feb-16 21:07:02

I am a teacher. What years 5, 6 and 7 upwards can know, see and do online is horrifying! I think there is still naivety around this area. Sexting is just one level.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24539514

GasLightShining Thu 04-Feb-16 21:15:31

Definitely speak to the school. Certainly not an over reaction

My DC's old head used to say that don't say, do or text anything you wouldn't say, do or text in front of the head or your parents. Probably a good thing to tell your DS.

Trojanhorsebox Thu 04-Feb-16 21:16:37

I would let the school know. As posters above note, they will have safeguarding and social media policies. This may not be an isolated incident so it's better that the school tackle it.

At a slightly older age a girl in my son's year sent topless photos to her boyfriend, who then forwarded them to all his friends, they went all round the school, the girl's parents complained about her being bullied. It all got quite nasty and the school handled it all very well.

yorkshapudding Thu 04-Feb-16 21:21:11

Definitely speak to the school. As you say, she is learning this language from somewhere. It may be as simple as her accessing stuff she shouldn't be online/on TV and repeating it or it might be part of a bigger picture. I wouldn't broach it with the parents as there may be issues going on within the home that you're not aware of. It could be nothing but sexualised language/behaviour in a child of this age can sometimes be a sign of abuse/CSE so school need to be made aware.

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