to wonder if anyone else...

(26 Posts)
cjt110 Thu 04-Feb-16 15:03:53

constantly feels a failure/bad mum/not cut out for it?

Yeah, there's the good times. Memories I will look back fondly upon. But sometimes it just feels like an uphill struggle,. I love my son dearly but sometimes its just hard.

Right now, he always seems to whinge. ALL. DAY. He's non verbal atm so I get that it could be because of this but it seems the whole time before/after work we are with him, he whinges or paddies or kicks off.

bornwithaplasticspoon Thu 04-Feb-16 15:53:29

How old is he?

I understand completely. Parenting has many wonderful moments but it is HARD. When they whinge it sucks the joy out of everything.

Just think though - It's February. When it's not raining it's dark and cold. Many adults suffer with winter blues and there's no reason children shouldn't be the same. Spring is on it's way and it's much easier to entertain them when you can get out and about and get some sunshine on them.

Hang in there and remember you're not the only one flowers

cjt110 Thu 04-Feb-16 16:19:38

bornwithaplasticspoon he's 17ms. I love him dearly but on a few occasions both Dh and I have have uttered "Oh just be quiet for 5 minutes PLEASE" And YY, it can and DOES suck the life out of everything. He wakes up whinging. I get him up, he wanders round whinging.... It just starts the day off on a shit note. I then have a battle with him to get him dressed and he whinges MORE sad

Anniegetyourgun Thu 04-Feb-16 16:20:57

You know what they say: the first 18 years are the worst grin

cjt110 Thu 04-Feb-16 16:21:57

Annie Thanks sad lol

CigarsofthePharoahs Thu 04-Feb-16 17:15:39

Yes.
Sometimes motherhood feels like an endurance race to me. Some bright spots and then slog, slog, slog.
I have a 5 year old and a 22 month old. We've had 2 years of food fussiness from our eldest which isn't as bad as it has been, but I still dread dinner time each day.
My 22 month old has only just come out with a few words. Up until early Jan he was totally non verbal, just screamed and babbled. He was also having meltdowns on a daily basis and yes, I was worried. Thankfully, the meltdowns have eased off and he now has about eight words.
I think it's about managing to forget the crap stuff and hold on to the good - and there is quite a lot, between the stress. And if you find a way to do it, tell me how! smile

cjt110 Fri 05-Feb-16 09:38:39

I think you're right Cigars There are some good times we ought to cherish - sometimes its just hard lol

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 10:28:03

I know where you are coming from ct My ds3 is 19months and still only has a few words. It can feel relentless. The whinging, the hanging off my leg...
I am a single mum so sometimes I count down the days till he sees his dad but then I miss him for those 24 hours when he isn't here

I have realised there are some ages of my dc that come naturally to me and some that don't (nearly started a thread myself to see if I was the only one)

Ds1 is 16 and you know what - he is great company. We have brilliant chats/debates , he knows he doesn't know it all and is happy to hear my opinions on everything and anything. He is so excited about the next few years of his life that it is a joy to see and quite inspiring too. He was a fab baby and toddler then a pain until he was 14.

DD is 10 and a fecking nightmare. Hormones galore and she knows everything about everything. I can't teach her anything. I know this phase will pass but I count down the hours till she goes to bed sometimes. She was the perfect baby and toddler. Literally turned on her 3rd birthday once she could talk almost like Kevin turning 13 in Kevin and Perry.

Ds2 is 5 and an absolute poppet - nightmare as a toddler (I used to sob in the supermarket with him) but since he started playgroup and then school has really come into his own. I know that will change too - he will probably be a pain in the arse when he is 10 too!

There are good times, many good times but sometimes the days, of having ds3 permanently attached to my hip whilst dd is telling me that she knows how to do fractions wrongly and I am not helping only for her teacher to suggest that maybe she listens to mum sometimes, seem to stretch on and on and on.....

Funny thing is when you look back yes you remember the crap but it really does go by in a blink of an eye. So try and not let it get to you too much. I will try and do the same whilst ds3 is whinging right now about god knows what

flowers

cjt110 Fri 05-Feb-16 10:41:58

I think getting out and having some me time is perhaps the key? I signed up to my local gym last nigh and did an hour of pilates - DH did bedtime and when I got home DS was sparko. I was relaxed, chilled, happy. Planning to go to the local playgym with him over the weekend which he loves and maybe the park too weather depending.

I think also, we are tackling the no milk at night thing easily - which last time was like a nuclear meltdown from DS. And also knuckling down with his food etc. I actually thought this morning to myself I feel more organised and in control. Which felt good.

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 10:52:46

Yes definitely to the time to yourself. As the evenings draw out I have told ds1 that once the younger ones are in bed I will be going out to run walk for a mile or 2 (in a circuit so never too far away) plus when ds3 is at his dads I will go out and be an adult person again.

My ds3 just wants to constantly be outside and on the go. Which is great but means that housework etc has to be done in the evening as he only sporadically sleeps in the daytime.

Food is an issue here too. He would graze all day if I let him. So only really topping himself up iyswim.

Ds2 bf at night till he was 2 1/2 blush Wish I had tackled that sooner.

Also, if you normally do bedtimes then I think it is easier to be out of the house when you pass the baton to your dh. Do it regularly. Gym is a great idea. Eventually it won't make a difference if you are home or not so if you have had a looong day dh can do bedtime whilst you soak in the bath or watch tv with a well deserved drink. Just don't do any chores during that time! see it as your break and relax!

WhatstheT Fri 05-Feb-16 11:00:08

I find myself feeling just like you OP. But not because my daughter whinges ALL DAY but only at me. She is 1 year old, been in nursery since 8 months old.

I have an hour with her in the morning where she constantly whinges/cries/fusses. Then I get her ready and give her a cuddle and send her off to nursery.

At nursery she has taken her first steps, says a couple of words, and has a great time playing, I get videos and photos...etc.

My OH picks her up from nursery at about 1pm, I get home from work near 5pm, walk in the door and as soon as she sees me, she reaches out and cries for me, then spends from 5 pm to 7pm whinging and fussing and crying while my OH says "she's been fine all day"

She has only taken a couple of steps here and there for me but usually throws herself on the floor and grabs hold of me, and doesn't say a word to me.

I understand its separation, but she never settles enough for me to have any decent happy time with her except for weekends, it's so depressing sometimes!

I hope your little lad starts to cheer up for you xx flowers

cjt110 Fri 05-Feb-16 11:04:48

Baressentials YY to an "on the go-er" My son never sits still. EVER. Except when he's poorly.

Food for us is only an issue because of his allergy. But I am finding myself a bit more in control - So take this morning. No milk overnight meant a full bottle drank when he got up then he had cereal and toast straight away. Usually he will have had milk then not want food but whinge because he's hungry.

It takes a lot for me to pass the baton - Not because I dont trust Dh or anything like that but I am a control freak and itch if he doesnt do things how I do them. So YY to being out. Ive no idea if he followed my routine for bedtime but DS was sparko when I got in so he couldnt have done badly!

WhatstheT Are you me? You decsribe me and my day to a tee! My son is at nursery 2/5 days a week, and with my parents 3/5. I drop off, Dh collects. Separation anxiety is a fucker. I hate it. He only does it with me. All well and good the nursery worker saying that it's good because it shows his attachment to me, but it's still a fucker! How olds your LO? My son's 17m and isnt really vocal. Took his first steps at nursery too.

WhatstheT Fri 05-Feb-16 11:42:40

cjt110 Haha I think I am me, I hope I am me :D

She's 5 days off 13 months old, she doesn't say anything at home except "dadadadada" at nursery she has started saying "eddy" when they shout ready steady go when she pushes a car around (says feck all for me no matter how many cars I wizz around the living room) and a few other words relating to things, She takes steps for them and toddles about, if I stand her up on her own and try and coax her with a toy she just cries and throws herself on the floor :D haha. She drank out of a sippy cup from about 10 months at nursery, she's only just started accepting one off me and not throwing it at me. She pretty much just strops and clings about everything I try and do with her, trying to climb onto my bloody shoulders like a parrot. The weekend is really the only time she starts to play with me properly and settles down. It must be hectic for her coming and going but she enjoys her time with everyone else!!

WhatstheT Fri 05-Feb-16 11:48:02

I also only have to open and close a door and she has a flap. I can stay in the same room, but if I close a door she kicks off because at nursery she has a "living room" which leads into a play room with a door open and she can come and go as she pleases and expects the same at home.

I cook to the scene of her shaking and banging and screaming at the baby gate at the kitchen like she is imprisoned :D

cjt110 Fri 05-Feb-16 13:00:37

Kids eh WhatstheT? lol

LadyLuck81 Fri 05-Feb-16 13:05:16

Now I don't. Now I feel like I mostly do a good job. My eldest is 4.5.

I remember 17/18 months though. God it was awful. I felt like I was an horrendous mum. Just terrible with no patience. It's taken time but I finally feel differently.

The great news us DS is about to hit 16 months so I get to do it all again joy.

Hang in there

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 13:10:16

LadyLuck I can't decide whether it is better to know what is coming with subsequent dc or to be in ignorant bliss!

cjt110 Fri 05-Feb-16 13:29:16

We're only going through it once - thank fuck! grin Around when did it get easier LadyLuck81?

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 13:36:29

ct Just remember you are not alone! Even other "perfect" mums have their own battles. I think one of the hardest things is thinking it is just you and your dc and all other families are having perfect "advert" evenings - where the dc sit delightfully at the table eating dinner, go to bed beautifully, will sit and gurgle under their play gym for ages before talking to their toys patiently whilst you wash up. I fecking hate adverts wink

cjt110 Fri 05-Feb-16 14:04:09

HA, yep me too Bare!

LadyLuck81 Fri 05-Feb-16 14:33:02

It started getting easier at 3. She could articulate much better and started understanding rewards and consequences. We now have boundaries and she earns buttons for her jar and we get on swimmingly.

PosieReturningParker Fri 05-Feb-16 14:36:22

He whinges all day??? What do you do with him?

Do you play with him?

I've never known a child to moan all day every day.

cjt110 Fri 05-Feb-16 14:36:48

Another 18m for me then! lol

Baressentials Fri 05-Feb-16 14:40:54

posie you clearly never met ds2 then! Nor my friends ds4 nor my other friends dd1. All whingers. Looking back we describe them as being non verbal toddlers who hated being toddlers. They were played with, taking to groups etc they were still whingers. Once they started school it was like they did 180 degree turn! My other dc were different. All children are different.

cjt110 Fri 05-Feb-16 14:47:17

Posie I just let him sit in the corner with a pan and spoon..... Of course I play with him!

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