AIBU to use a 'naughty chair'?

(80 Posts)
Iceyard Mon 01-Feb-16 20:47:09

DS1 is about to turn 2 and I know he'll soon need a lot of reinforcing... Wondering if a 'naughty chair'/'reflection corner' is unreasonable? If so, what do you do? Thank you, E x

Alambil Mon 01-Feb-16 20:52:49

2 year olds simply don't have the right parts of their brains turned on to understand consequences like that.

You'd be far better placed to distract, load on the praise for the acceptable/good and redirect / ignore when tantrums kick off

Iceyard Mon 01-Feb-16 20:54:07

Okay, thank you - what about when he is older?

RubbleBubble00 Mon 01-Feb-16 20:54:52

Depends on child. Ds3 who's 3 in may only grasped concept couple months ago

Abbinob Mon 01-Feb-16 20:55:18

Well threats of time outs after I count to five works wonders with my toddler.
Me: I'll count to five then its a time out. One..
DS in his best hard done by voice: urgh OK fiiiiine

Abbinob Mon 01-Feb-16 20:55:47

DS is 2 btw

candykane25 Mon 01-Feb-16 20:56:21

Positive reinforcement is more effective. Also, teaching values.
So saying what behaviour you would prefer rather than drawing attention to the naughty bit.
I try saying please can you help me tidy these toys away and I'll give you a star for your chart instead of stop throwing those toys around everywhere! ( I say try because I usually forget and correct myself mid sentence!)
My DD 2.5 will send herself off for a "think" but she sees that as a game, not punishment.
I also tell her that she is a good girl, and good girls put their shoes on when mummy asks.m and so on.
Of course, this doesn't always work but repeatedly focusing on rewarding behaviour you like and distracting them away from behaviour you don't like works out really well in the end. My DD, now 2.5 is now turning into a really polite, well behaved, helpful little girl (most of the time).

VoldysGoneMouldy Mon 01-Feb-16 20:58:16

Distractions, positive reinforcement, plenty of praise for good behaviour. There's no need for anything like this - and doing it for children this young is completely pointless, as they just do not understand.

Iceyard Mon 01-Feb-16 20:59:38

Thanks, but is it the same for when he is around 4?

popperdoodles Mon 01-Feb-16 21:01:53

Yes, even at 14. Focus on the positive if at all possible

VoldysGoneMouldy Mon 01-Feb-16 21:03:12

Why are you so set on finding an age it will work for? confused

mrsmugoo Mon 01-Feb-16 21:05:19

I use a naughty chair with my 22 month old.

He fully understands why he gets put on it - I explain why in language he understands and tell him Mummy is sad when he's naughty. He says sorry, gives me a kiss and a cuddle and on we go!

BertieBotts Mon 01-Feb-16 21:07:40

This website is good:

www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/toddlers/toddlers-terrific-twos

Andrea Nair is great also (You can follow her on Facebook too smile )

Iceyard Mon 01-Feb-16 21:10:36

Voldys - I'm not, but I have seen many TV shows where they use this technique, so I assumed it should be used, but wasn't sure when. Now I understand it shouldn't, I get it... confused

mrsmugoo Mon 01-Feb-16 21:14:22

Re: positive reinforcement

99% of the time "oh you're SUCH a good boy for not climbing on the TV cabinet, oh wow, yay, go you etc....

Doesn't really have much impact to be honest!

Sometimes you DO have to explain basic consequences for misbehaviour, especially if it could be dangerous e.g. If you climb on the TV cabinet and grab the TV it will fall on you and hurt you (and also break).

So after a series of fair warnings it's TV off and onto the naughty chair for a stern talking to.

SummerHouse Mon 01-Feb-16 21:15:41

It may or may not be relevant for your child. Its up to you. I never used this concept and find it frustrating when other parents assume it is the only way. To the point that another parent once said to my DS "I think somebody needs a time out"

"Oh do you other well meaning parent? Off you fuck then! "

mrsmugoo Mon 01-Feb-16 21:18:56

I agree - do what works for your child and keep your sweeping generalisations about parenting choices to yourself.

Naughty chair as a last resort is very effective for us so when I see people literally just writing it off as ineffective for toddlers I say, "whatever."

Iceyard Mon 01-Feb-16 21:20:16

Ah, thank you smile

Cakeycakecake Mon 01-Feb-16 21:50:09

I used time outs from when my son understood 'no' so about 14months. He was a biter, and I wasn't about to let it continue. We progressed to now he's almost three and I count to three before he has a sit down (I don't call it time out anymore) and calms down on the sofa.
Generally, this can be for biting (I'm newly pregnant and he's picking up that something is off), being very rude or deliberately hurting me. It is very rare to get to the sofa part now, he apologises and we move on.
He's a very well behaved and immaculately mannered child, and I spend all day reinforcing his good behaviour. But he gets grumpy when tired, so it's good to have it as a back up smile

DisappointedOne Mon 01-Feb-16 22:12:59

If recommend you spend a bit of time reading some of Janet Lansbury's articles and forget all about time outs, naughty steps and chairs and punishments

DisappointedOne Mon 01-Feb-16 22:13:10

*i'd

mrsmugoo Mon 01-Feb-16 22:27:55

I don't parent from books - I go by my own instincts.

LBOCS2 Mon 01-Feb-16 22:30:02

My DD (3.2) gives zero fucks at all about getting extra positive reinforcement - possibly because she gets a lot of it and isn't fussed about the extra. She also does not care about being told off, and sometimes, when she's in that mood, being told to stop doing something will just encourage her to do it more.

We use the naughty step. We give her clear boundaries, the opportunity to stop doing whatever it is that she shouldn't... And then we remove her from the situation, sit her down on the step, tell her why she's there and follow it through.

And you know what? It works. We don't have to use it much, but sometimes we do, and it is an effective deterrent.

intothebreach Mon 01-Feb-16 22:44:23

I don't see much difference between the naughty step and the dgotunce's cap. Both stigmatise the child, and are pretty much a negative reinforcement.

Seven years ago, when my ds1 was little, I felt hugely criticisedthe by local children's centre staff for refusing to use a naughty step. I told them it was a stupid fad, and that times would change. Sure enough, childminders are now criticised by ofsted for using this kind of behaviour management. (Tv shows are always way behind the times, and not often based on current research about what is best for the child! )

I'm sorry if I sound ranty. It's a sore subject with me. I got all sorts of rubbish information from my local children's centre, including life threateningly bad advice about how to deal with ds1's severe allergies.

There are lots more positive and effective ways to deal with the inevitable bad behaviour of a toddler.

intothebreach Mon 01-Feb-16 22:46:28

(That should say "dunce's cap" - I'm so sorry, I have a large thumb and a small phone blush )

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