to not go back to work after a miscarriage despite being 'physically well' (possibly triggering)

(46 Posts)
SharyBobbins Mon 01-Feb-16 13:58:44

I can't help but feel guilty for being off work despite having a medical miscarriage on Friday. My bosses have been brilliant, I have a sick note from the hospital should I need it but I feel so guilty as I'm physically well. I had heavy bleeding/clotting/cramping on Friday but since then I've not had any bleeding or pain. The hospital have said it's possible that my miscarriage was completed in the one day (it was a missed miscarriage and by this point scans/internal exams were showing that I probably wasn't far off miscarrying naturally). However I'm just not in the right head space to concentrate on my job and partake in the usual office chatter (none of my colleagues know why I'm off and I plan on keeping it that way). AIBU to take a few more days to get my head straight?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies Mon 01-Feb-16 14:01:46

The hospital gave you a sick note for a reason. Please, if you need to use it (and it sounds like you do), use it.

I'm sorry for your loss flowers.

elliejjtiny Mon 01-Feb-16 14:02:35

YANBU at all. I've had miscarriages and it's so hard, give yourself some time and space.

CuppaSarah Mon 01-Feb-16 14:02:41

Goodness no, you take all the time you need to help you heal mentally. I'm so sorry for your loss flowers it really is a shit thing to have to go through. Please take the time off an don't feel an ounce of guilt.

PastaPrincess Mon 01-Feb-16 14:03:53

YANBU. At all. Try to not worry about work, you have a completely valid reason for having some time off. You need to focus on yourself, work can wait as long as it takes for you to feel mentally capable of going back.

flowers

bumbleymummy Mon 01-Feb-16 14:10:21

YANBU. I rushed back after one of mine and it was a mistake. Please take your time. It can take a while to get your head around everything. thanks

AnyFucker Mon 01-Feb-16 14:10:22

I had two miscarriages and had two weeks off with each

After the second I went back to work, did not cope and took another few days off

Stop being a martyr and rest your body and mind. You deserve it and you need it

I am sorry for your loss thanks

ShesGotLionsInHerHeart Mon 01-Feb-16 14:10:51

One of my colleagues is in a similar situation; she's been off for three weeks and nobody is asking when she'll be back. It's tough, and it takes time before you can feel like going back out into the world. flowers

KittyandTeal Mon 01-Feb-16 14:14:19

I had 6 weeks off with a further 6 weeks phased return after loosing dd2.

Take as long as you need. Physically well is the minor part (as our bodies are designed to deal with it iyswim) but you also need to be emotionally ready to be able to go back.

rageagainsttheBIL Mon 01-Feb-16 14:15:46

I went back a week or so after my op, I had to be off anyway as my DC had chick pox (great timing), and about 6 weeks later I pretty much had a breakdown and struggled for months. I needed more time off, and time to myself.

I strongly suggest you take as long as you need.

Owllady Mon 01-Feb-16 14:16:02

I agree with everyone else, take some time off to rest. I'm sorry x

rageagainsttheBIL Mon 01-Feb-16 14:16:23

Sorry meant to add, I'm really sorry you are going through this. It's shit.

Xmasbaby11 Mon 01-Feb-16 14:17:55

Sorry for your loss.

Please take the time you need to recover. Close friends who have miscarried have taken between 2 and 6 weeks to return to work. You need to feel ready to face the world and function again.

AliMonkey Mon 01-Feb-16 14:22:24

I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't feel guilty for taking the time off if that is what you need. Personally though I went back to work asap (missed miscarriage discovered on Fri, op on the Monday, back to work Wed) as it took my mind off it which was what I needed. But what worked for me wouldn't necessarily work for you so take whatever time you need.

TitClash Mon 01-Feb-16 14:25:05

YANBU. We dont all handle this the same way. Perhaps you are feeling a bit numb and in shock.
I would be really angry at any company that tried to guilt trip you into returning so soon, you have no reason to feel guilty.
Take the time off and spoil yourself. flowers

lilydaisyrose Mon 01-Feb-16 14:25:51

I had a m/c at 6w in November 2015. I had a week off although I was physically fine (just bleeding heavily) - I was chopping down massive branches in the garden etc - but I definitely needed time to adjust mentally.

Your colleagues shouldn't ask why you were off but, if they might, you might want to have a 'story' ready so you don't burst into tears e.g. virus....

RainbowSpiral Mon 01-Feb-16 14:35:48

I took 3 weeks off after my miscarriage.

I think it is easier for your colleagues too if you don't rush back.

Work is never that important.

toffeeboffin Mon 01-Feb-16 14:38:05

Take the time off.

Just relax, go shopping, have coffee, whatever, you need time to yourself.

regenerationfez Mon 01-Feb-16 14:38:44

I was physically well after my miscarriage, the same thing as yours by the sound of it. Completed in one day. Mentally, I was not. It came back time and again, so you need to rest up.

80schild Mon 01-Feb-16 14:39:22

I tried to go back to work the day after I found out I had miscarried. Clearly it was a disaster - take as long as you need and talk to people it. I found it helpful being up front about what had happened and it was definitely the best thing for me.

OutWithTheDogs Mon 01-Feb-16 14:39:54

I went back a few days after a miscarriage and was really pleased that I did. I chose to tell people even though they didn't know I was pregnant. I was 12 weeks one but I think it had stopped being viable earlier. I was still bleeding but not heavily. I was glad I told people as they were all supportive and kind but not in an over the top way. Lots of the women had gone through the same which I found reassuring. It made it feel more normal and more part of life (?) Obviously everyone reacts differently but I was so glad I chose to go back to work.

I would also have felt guilty if I had stayed home although I realise that no one would have minded.

OTheHugeManatee Mon 01-Feb-16 14:40:34

So sorry for your loss sadflowers

I was poleaxed for a fortnight after I miscarried last year. Exhausted, numb, listless, all over the place.

You have a sick note. Use it - give yourself some space to process.

VoldysGoneMouldy Mon 01-Feb-16 14:41:06

Take as long as you need, and do not feel guilty about it.

Rafflesway Mon 01-Feb-16 14:45:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCareHowIWantItNow Mon 01-Feb-16 14:50:19

I had different amounts of time off after each of mine.

Everyone is different.

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