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AIBU?

to think my anxiety is ruling my life

26 replies

mia101982 · 31/01/2016 22:53

I have it all, beautiful kids, great husband, nice home, nice job but my life is being eaten away with anxiety. I worry about everything. It is ridiculous and I hate it. I have great days but then I have terrible days. It always comes back to what people think of me r how they act towards me. If I don't hear from a friend, I think I have doe something wrong. If mums at school gate ain't as chatty to me some days, I worry they don't like me or have heard stuff about me. Conversations I have with some people are replayed incase I said something wrong etc etc. If somebody looks at me crooked, i worry why? It is so tiring and annoying. I promise myself every day that I will be stronger etc & then somebody might look at me crooked and I am off again. I am a good person and consider myself a great loyal friend so why do I feel like this at times. I don't think anybody would even believe I feel like this as I am a happy confident chatty person on the outside. I have always been a worrier, maybe it's just me. I have looked into mindfulness and cbt, I just need to pluck up courage to go do it. Any advice from like minded people?

OP posts:

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Snarklepoo · 31/01/2016 23:00

Oh Mia! I've just put up a big long dumpy post about the same thing! It's like being eaten alive, isn't it? I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm coping by getting it out on Mumsnet just to clear my head out a big, but looking for a more sustainable solution. Sending and watching to see if anyone can suggest anything.

IloveJudgeJudy · 31/01/2016 23:07

I'm going to say this in a really kind way, people really aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are. What I mean by that is, your not hearing from someone for a day or two, sometimes things come up that have to be dealt with immediately. People aren't looking at you crooked, they're just thinking about the rotten morning they've had or what they've got to do next. Maybe you should try mindfulness. DD suffers/Ed from anxiety, but it didn't work for her. She's had a fantastic counsellor, but I won't lie, it's been a very long road and it's not over yet. She has managed to find her self-worth again ATM.

Please do something, anything, as you can't continue like this, overthinking everything. It's too tiring. If the first therapy doesn't work for you, then move on, but do give each one a fair chance. Don't give up immediately. Good luck as the mindtalk is exhausting.

Faye12345 · 31/01/2016 23:10

Yep i have extreme paranoia and sound just like you

devastatedcriminal999 · 31/01/2016 23:12

Sorry to hear you are suffering. Mindfullness has a very positive effect on your life, To meditate even a half an hour twice a week does wonders for me. You can find loads of materiel online searching Mindfullness.

Needtobebetter · 31/01/2016 23:14

I've been there, hence my username, it was awful. Please note I am using the past tense, I've sought help and felt like an utter failure but now I'm coming out of the other side I can see all of those feelings were actually symptoms of being quite depressed. I don't know which was the cause or effect, I'm waiting for some therapy to start to dig away at why is happened so I can prevent it/manage it in future.

Being anxious is debilitating, I'm so sorry you feel like this. Please go to your GP, they can help in a number of ways and won't judge you at all. I chose medication to start with because I just needed something to boost my happy hormones to get me out of the hole. Once the medication started to kick in my anxiety really lifted, I no longer feel like my friends all hate me and that I'm constantly offending people, if something cringe worthy happens I can laugh it off. Those kinds of things used to send me into an anxious mess unable to leave the house.

I started a thread on here because I was scared of taking the medication, but so many posters helped me and I felt strong. I owe them so much. This is not your fault, please see your GP so you can begin to feel better.

mia101982 · 31/01/2016 23:27

Thanks girls it's great to hear other people's stories, makes me feel not so bad or alone in my thinking. If I took meds for this, do they actually stop the worrying just like that or what exactly do the meds do? Must add I have a new baby that I am breastfeeding so probably wouldn't be able to take meds anyhow. Is mindfulness something I could do at home r why I be better seeing a councillor

OP posts:

PicknMix · 31/01/2016 23:34

You could be describing me!

I have exactly the same anxiety. I got some chemical help (propanol) to use when i went full scale into a panic attack and I have been seeing a counsellor for a few months now and am feeling so much more in control. I have techniques to get my head straight when I start to spiral. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But I like to attack things head on so I'm trying everything in my power to control it.

The best thing my counsellor has taught me is to question myself when it starts to happen: 'is this helping', 'what will this achieve' and 'if I think about this in a few days will it still matter'. Much like ilove was getting at, it makes me stop and think "are they just having a bad day? They're probably busy doing x/y/z".

It makes me more proactive as I start to see it from a different perspective.

Hang in there and work up the courage to see someone. Download the mindfulness app - 10mins of just concentrating on nothing more than your own body. With someone talking to you (on the app).

You're not alone, and posting on here is a great first step!

IoraRua · 31/01/2016 23:35

You can definitely give mindfulness a try from home. Journaling would be good too, to get the worries out.

AyeAmarok · 01/02/2016 10:01

No advice but another one with the same problem as you. Or a Little Merchant of Doom, as DP says. You're not alone! Especially replaying the conversations in case I said something, even months later.

mia101982 · 01/02/2016 11:23

Ok so on my school run this morn a girl who usually gives a big smiley wave just gave me a bare little wave & kinda kept looking at me. Honestly it has upset my whole day now with paranoia about why? But surely if somebody waves at you they like you not the opposite, right? Oh lack of sleep isn't helping me today

OP posts:

hefzi · 01/02/2016 12:49

CBT will transform your life - it teaches you to recognise these thoughts for what they are, and to start to react differently to things: you are thinking there's something wrong, and she doesn't like you - whereas actually, she could be distracted because she's thinking about her shopping list, she'a had bad news, she'a wondering where she left her wedding ring etc etc It helped me enormously - once I realised that it's really not all about me, I got much better at responding more rationally to other people. If my boss walks past me and doesn't acknowledge me, it could be because he thinks I'm shit at my job and wants to sack me - but it's probably more likely he's thinking about everything he has to cover in his meeting with his boss. Now I always sift the evidence to find the balance of probabilities, and I spend far less time catastrophising everything and more time enjoying myself.

Really - give it a go: google IAPT and your area - you can refer yourself to the NHS, and there are also various on-line resources you can use in the mean time. It really, really, really does make a difference!

GreenPetal94 · 01/02/2016 14:33

Meds might help, they did for me, have you considered that option?

madmotherof2 · 01/02/2016 14:38

Oh how I know how this feels!

I started meds last week, side effects were abit rough but I felt lifted within a couple of days ( probably an element of relief that I'm finally doing something!!) and I'm starting CBT next week. Can't wait!

Hope you get sorted xx

mia101982 · 01/02/2016 20:10

I don't understand how meds work though? Surely you don't wake up just one morn & suddenly not give a hoot about what others think? Wouldn't life be so much easier if so.

I think cbt wud b good for me. At times I can totally rationalise thoughts in my head as in that people have enough going on in their own lives than to be thinking or judging me. However get me on a bad day & it's total opposite. I often wonder if there are a lot of people like me us out there, just it's hidden well..I would love to just walk away from a conversation & not replay it in my head when deep down I know it's ok etc

OP posts:

CaptainCrunch · 01/02/2016 20:16

Meds take several weeks to work and are usually more effective if used in conjunction with CBT. Speak to your GP in the first instance, you sound like you really need help.

ElectraAzalea · 01/02/2016 20:17

Mia I suffer horrendously from anxiety too. I went to my GP last week who was lovely, and I've just started taking meds for it. I've been prescribed Sertraline, which is fine to take whilst breastfeeding. I specifically asked for something which is ok to take while feeding as I'm still bfeeding my DS. No idea if it will help as only just started taking it, you really have my sympathies. Anxiety is horrible.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 01/02/2016 20:22

I had severe anxiety for years. Psychology/CBT did not help me. In desperation I tried antidepressants(fluoxetine)- which initially didn't help. The Dr suggested a higher dose- and I felt better the same day. I've been on them 2 years and am happy for the first time in many years- I'd recommend it to anyone. the medication is treating the disorder. Simple as that.

butteriesplease · 01/02/2016 20:24

Hey there, I too get very anxious - you are not alone xx I spent two weeks worrying about driving to a place 30mins away recently. I can't drive to certain places at all. I worry a bit about so many things all the time. Someone mentioned a mindfullness app - which one ? I'm doing a half day course this week at work in fact. I so wish i wasn't this anxious but don't know how to start changing.

Hissy · 01/02/2016 20:26

I've had agoraphobia in the past (abusive ex, living in purgatory abroad) tackled it, but am telly struggling atm.
The ex came back over briefly and set me back, has also given me money worries and my boss is stressing. Add to this an attempt at dating and I'm feeling sick to the very core of my being all the time and sleeping very poorly.

Back on to rescue remedy (anti-D don't seem to work on me)

Will try to cbt myself better. Dunno how long to give it before I ask for more help.

JustWantMyMoneyBack · 01/02/2016 20:27

I meditate daily, and it has helped me so much to release anxious feelings. It is my daily dose of medicine, I need a bit every day (usually about 10 mins or less). Meditation has changed my life. Best of luck to you OP.

minesapintofwine · 01/02/2016 20:53

I am exactly like this. Some days are good and I don't even recognize that I can be like that but then it kicks off again. Lately I've been getting worse and worse and today I feel like I can't relax at all, and have a knot in my stomach.

I take Citalopram which have helped depression symptoms, but my GP asked me to do mindfulness. It's really interesting that it can be done at home (thanks pp).

Please seek further help, there's loads out there for us-it appears we are many!

minesapintofwine · 01/02/2016 20:56

Meditation sounds good just I'm going to look into it.

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mia101982 · 01/02/2016 21:02

Thank you so much for all your advice and replies. I really appreciate it. I need to pluck up the courage to act on it now and seek help. I just don't know why i don't feel comfortable going to a doctor about it. It's like I am saying I am a crap person or crap mother that can't cope, which I know is so wrong because I am a wonderful mam and proud to shout it . I am living in Ireland and mental health is still very much a taboo subject which is hidden under the carpet a lot. Thankfully there are a lot of people, projects & support groups bringing about huge awareness on the subject so hopefully it keeps going in the right direction

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minesapintofwine · 01/02/2016 21:06

That's how I felt about going to the go but it turned out the best thing to do. Unfortunately couldn't get the courage up to go to mindfulness but like you I know I must.

All the best with this op

minesapintofwine · 01/02/2016 21:07

Go=gp

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