Background is my best friend for many many years has known since she was a teen that she could have difficulty conceiving. This is something we discussed in depth over the years. We spent most of our twenties partying together and were there for each other during the usual ups and downs of life and through various relationships.
Fast forward a few years and we have both since got married and I now have 2 children aged 3 and 1. After my friend got married she discovered that she did indeed have fertility problems and her and her husband started down the long and difficult road of fertility treatment. This journey officially started for them a couple of years ago and throughout this time I have supported her throughout her treatment and being a shoulder to cry on whenever she needed me.
I was the first person she told when she got a positive result and I am absolutely over the moon for her and her husband. I can't quite believe it still and my husband and I are so excited for this new adventure for them both and delighted to be part of it.
This is the part I find difficult to write down as I feel so awful and like a terrible person and friend for even thinking this.
My friend is in contact with me a lot about her pregnancy - asking lots of questions is this normal etc etc, completely understandable as I have been through it twice and it's all new and scary for her. Every conversation is about her pregnancy, again understandable as this is what she has been desperate for for such a long time and has gone through so much to get here. That I don't have an issue with in the slightest, however it makes me feel a little sad that I didn't get to share any of my pregnancy experiences and worries with her.
My children are my life, they are an extension of me and I am besotted with them both. My friend however has not really been interested in them since they born. When I was pregnant with DC1 I'm lucky if I saw her twice in the whole time, it was a very difficult time for me and I needed her however I was sensitive to how she would be feeling with the difficulties she facing and having to see me pregnant and perhaps complain about it would be extremely hard for her.
I have made a conscious effort to not talk about my kids and definitely did not discuss my pregnancies with her unless asked.
It's only now that she's asking me lots that I realised I had all these concerns too and had no one (apart from DH) to discuss them with. When her baby is born I'll be like an auntie to them and want to be part of their life and I feel sad that mine never had that.
I feel conflicted because I completely understand why she was detached during my pregnancies etc and I tried my best to protect her from further hurt but I feel wistful (and perhaps a little jealous) that she gets to discuss the ins and outs of it all with me and then all the baby's milestones when they arrive etc and I was unable to have that support/interest from her.
AIBU to feel like this?? I would never say all this to her but it's been playing on my mind
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AIBU?
AIBU? Friend with fertility issues now pregnant (long)
34 replies
apricotyoyo · 29/01/2016 17:54
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