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AIBU?

To feel they should invite me?

32 replies

Dreamonastar · 25/01/2016 18:15

I started a new job recently and there's a lunchtime tradition on a Monday where people go to a local cafe for lunch.

I haven't been invited - AIBU to think it's a bit mean to overlook me?

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SianiMoomin · 25/01/2016 18:16

I would just ask, to be honest. Perhaps they expect you to join in?

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Whatdoidohelp · 25/01/2016 18:16

Is it is the whole office/whole department? If so Yanbu. If however it is wee groups yabu. Lunch breaks aren't paid time so you can go and do what you want with who you wish.

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Dreamonastar · 25/01/2016 18:17

Oh I know you can but I do feel a bit overlooked and out of things but I get that they don't have to like me!

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Witchend · 25/01/2016 18:20

If it's the whole office they probably just expect you to join them. In fact they're probably thinking you're being stuffy not to.

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Dreamonastar · 25/01/2016 18:26

I don't think they do as it involves driving to the cafe so I would feel rude just getting in someone's car

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NoodleNuts · 25/01/2016 18:46

How recently did you start? You still havent said whether the whole office/department go or just small groups.

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Dreamonastar · 25/01/2016 19:05

It's not in an office, it's the whole department.

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maggiethemagpie · 25/01/2016 21:30

Could you say to the person who sits nearest to you

Hey are you going to X cafe for lunch?

When they say yes, say

what's it like there, do they do good food?

Basically drop massive overt hints, unless there is reason they DONT want you there, they are bound to invite you

If they don't invite you even after dropping hints then for whatever reason, they don't want to, maybe you need more time to break into the group?

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ZiggyFartdust · 25/01/2016 21:33

How big a department is it? Are they friends? You may have misunderstood the nature of this lunch.

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Epilepsyhelp · 25/01/2016 21:34

I'd just give it time. If you get friendly with them you'll get an invite in time. Yes it's a bit mean not to take you though, you sure you want to go?!

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NoMoreGrimble · 25/01/2016 21:37

Like maggie's approach, would second that. It's probably just a thoughtless oversight.

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GreenLips · 25/01/2016 21:41

If it's not a genuine oversight then I'd say it was very mean not to invite you, surely the done thing would be to say to you "we go to cafe on Monday lunchtime, feel free to join us".

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Boxymcloxy1900 · 25/01/2016 22:06

Maybe everyone else thinks someone else has invited you?

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Dreamonastar · 26/01/2016 06:37

They sort of tend to vanish before I can say anything, and then I'm left sitting alone at lunch!

Never mind :)

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TheHouseOnTheLane · 26/01/2016 07:02

How many people are we talking about here OP?

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hesterton · 26/01/2016 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Devilishpyjamas · 26/01/2016 07:06

That is mean! Of course you should be invited. Doesn't sound as if you've been there long enough to be actively avoided OP.

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GruntledOne · 26/01/2016 07:16

Ask someone whether you're expected to go, given that it seems to be a departmental thing.

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Dreamonastar · 26/01/2016 07:28

It's about six people? No, we don't have to stay to answer phones as we aren't an office :)

It just makes me feel a bit rubbish but no matter, worse things happen at sea.

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hesterton · 26/01/2016 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dreamonastar · 26/01/2016 07:34

Thank you :) Yeah, logically now I feel fine about it and think they just need to get to know my loveliness (!) but when I'm sitting in the office alone I feel all boo-hoo about it [grin

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DetonationStation · 26/01/2016 07:41

I think so. Having experienced that workplace exclusion albeit 15 years ago, its stuck with me. Horrible feeling

They just may not have realised/head in the sand/ignorant/not sure how to make people feel welcome and if so, is that the type of work colleague you want to spend unpaid time with?

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DetonationStation · 26/01/2016 07:41

First part - ignore the "I think so" as I meant to say YANBU

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MackerelOfFact · 26/01/2016 07:48

I bet they use the lunch as a massive moan-fest about management, workload, Sonia in accounts, people leaving mouldy cheese in the fridge or pubes on the toilet seat, Nigel in IT - all the usual workplace gripes - and they don't want to indoctrinate you into their jaded ways just yet.

At least this is why I have been guilty of excluding new colleagues before. Giving them a chance to form their own opinion before they spend their lunchtime listening to us slag everything off!

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Ditsy4 · 26/01/2016 07:57

They were mean/ thoughtless. I would feel upset too. Ask the friendliest person next week ( if they do it again) "Did you have a nice lunch? " it might start a conversation where she realises you were left on your own.

What happens if you want to go out at lunchtime? Who locks up then?

As Mackeral says you might not want to go after one session!