First time poster to go easy on me! I've been with my husband for 6 years and we have a very lovely 4 year old daughter. My husband hasn't worked for 20 years and he'll be 60 this year. I'm 43 and I run my own successful small business. When I met my husband he gave me lots of reasons why he'd been out of work - looking after his mother (who died about 5 years ago), applied for lots of jobs but never got one etc. He's very charming & talks a good talk. I'm a bit gullible & I tend to believe what people tell me.
He was pretty good when our daughter was young, but less so now - he takes her to school every morning and that is about it. I pick her up from school, look after her after school, do the bulk of the child care at weekends, sort her clothes, doctors, dentist etc. He will look after her if I say I want an hour off to go for a run, but usually she ends up watching TV or they argue.
I work at least 40 hours a week in a job that I enjoy. I'm self employed so I have very flexible hours, but I usually work every night after our daughter has gone to bed (the price of being able to collect her from school).
People ask me what my husband does all day. The answer is, I don't really know. He takes the dog for a walk. He sits on the toilet for half an hour 3 times a day (don't laugh!!). He reads railway magazines. He looks on the internet. He does a bit of DIY if I ask him to (but his rate of work is so slow it's painful.......!!!). He does the washing if I ask him to. He doesn't do any other housework as he doesn't care if the house is dirty. He's not a stupid man. As I've said, he's very good at saying the right thing. He says he'll do lots of things, but they never, ever happen so I've given up believing anything he says. If I want something to happen I do it myself, I don't rely on him to do a thing anymore as I've been let down too many times. We've had chats about him getting a job and he says he will but then he never even looks for one. Our sex life is non-existent as I find his lifestyle unattractive and I guess any love I had for him 6 years ago has been eroded away by this. He's quite happy (and who wouldn't be with this lifestyle). His family have all disowned him (which doesn't seem to bother him) but I'm close to mine.
I'm not unhappy, in fact most of the time I am happy - I have a lovely daughter, a great job & financially we're well off (thanks to my work). I tend to view the world in a positive way. My husband isn't unpleasant. But I do wonder if I'm a complete mug and I should kick him out. But then I want my daughter to grow up with 2 parents - so I bite my lip and keep on going...I also wonder if there are mental problems of some kind - but he doesn't seem depressed or anything.
My daughter has recently started to ask me why her dad does nothing all day and one day she even said she wanted a new dad. I tell her she's lucky to have the dad she does have, but I can't help wondering where this is all going to end.
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AIBU?
AIBU to feel like life shouldn't be this hard?
18 replies
alpinejane · 25/01/2016 13:32
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