Husband and Holiday

[kinloss]

My husband - older than me - retired a couple of years back, which has meant various adjustments. Our daughter also went off to university recently, and we had our first holiday abroad as 'free' adults in a particular European country in mid-October.

Since then my husband has been full of enthusiasm for that country. He's joined two different groups in order to study that language, embarked on an online language course, arranged one to one conversation sessions with a native speaker - and also explored the possibility of a further course one evening a week in the nearest city, that would start next month.

He's also been very keen that we take our next holiday in the same country as soon as possible (this spring) so he can practice his newfound skills. One possible holiday - with the same provider of our earlier trip - has fallen through because it's fully booked, so he was keen to find an alternative. I suggested we each look to find alternatives. I showed him some possible trips. One was discarded because it wasn't in the right country, but he was keen on one of the other ones I found.

As he was so keen and I'm busy, I suggested he did some of the research. It's a small provider and would be a tailor-made trip so we'd have to book our own flights, rather than just buying a package deal. He agreed to do this - but it wasn't 100% straightforward. However last night in a big rush of enthusiasm said he'd got flight details sorted and we should get everything sorted, so the flights didn't get booked up.

I was just about to send the email off to the tour operator - as I'd been the initial point of contact - when he discovered he had miscalculated by a day, so the flights he'd picked did not actually fit with the operator's suggested itinerary.

At this point I - quite suddenly - got upset and angry, saying I felt pressured by him. He had never at any point actually asked me where and when I wanted to go on holiday, if that country was my favourite destination - how the timing fitted in with what I wanted to do, and my Annual Leave from work.

We need to resolve this one in the coming days. Any thoughts?

[stairbears]

He probably assumed you were ok with it, so a little unfair to expect him to be a mind reader if you hadn't raised these concerns before. What to do now... Decide if you want to go, and if you don't, decide if you should have separate breaks away or one together at another location acceptable to you both.

[sonjadog]

If you have been going along with it and agreeing to go back to the country, how was he supposed to know that you didn't really want to?

[NotMeNotYouNotAnyone]

Yabu to only object now, after months of enthusiasm from him and agreeing with this plan. You've obviously not had a similar enthusiasm for a different destination during this time, and discussion of dates and itinerary suggests that you are on board.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Way too late to suddenly get so upset if you've been going along with it until now - why didn't you raise your concerns/opinions before?

[RhiWrites]

Perhaps since he picked the holiday this year, you get to pick next year?