To expect visiting friends to spend some time with me?

(96 Posts)
infife Sun 24-Jan-16 23:53:42

Posted to AIBU since, it's quite likely I am being unreasonable, but since I feel a little irritated, I wanted to unload :-)

Last year some friends asked if they could stay with us. They live some distance away, so they wanted to stay for a few days. Unfortunately, we didn't have the room so offered them our holiday home in a nearby major city, which they accepted.

For the last two days I've invited them for dinner but each day they've made alternative plans. Tomorrow they want a lift to the airport. Given that I'll need to drive an hour each way, and they'd made no plans, I really am not in the mood to do the airport run (especially since it's only a short and cheap bus ride away for them...!).

Now, if they had booked into the holiday home straight off, I would just assume they wanted a nice break away, and I wouldn't be upset about being knocked back.

But that wasn't the original plan - they were meant to be visiting us, and presumably we'd have seen sights and eaten together, you know, like friends do? The sole reason they're in the holiday home is because we simply don't have room at our home any more.

They aren't being charged, of course - but I have had to decline a paying guest enquiry since then. Normally this wouldn't matter - but you know, since they're basically using it as holiday accommodation in the way a run of the mill guest would, I feel a little put out.

Anyway, posting this because I'm feeling a little upset and wondering if they ever wanted to actually visit me at all, or had they been accommodated at our home rather than away from us, whether things would be different, or what.

Someone tell me I'm being silly and that it's not unreasonable for them to decline my invitations to dinner? :S

Jezebel555 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:54:49

YANBU
They sound like using twats. Tell them you aren't available to do their airport run and then don't bother with them again. Sorry OP thanks

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers Sun 24-Jan-16 23:57:18

So your 'friends' were going to come and stay with you, but actually haven't seen you at all while they've been here and they live a flight away?

Sounds really bizarre. Clearly they were coming to <whichever city you live in> for another reason and have just used you for accommodation.

I wouldn't be in a hurry to get in contact again!

Leeds2 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:57:27

I wouldn't do an airport run in these circumstances.

AnthonyPandy Sun 24-Jan-16 23:57:42

Please do not give them a lift to the airport (or anywhere). They are pisstakers and are using you for what you can provide that is convenient for them. And don't let them stay again.

KoalaDownUnder Sun 24-Jan-16 23:58:08

YANBU, with bells on.

Fatmomma99 Mon 25-Jan-16 00:01:52

Came on to lurk not post, but couldn't sit by and not say to you - "NO!!!! They are SO taking the piss".

You'll HATE yourself it you drive 2 hours out of your way. (and the cost of petrol!).

Sorry, but I agree - sounds like you ARE being used.

Twats. wine for you!

Strangeoccurence Mon 25-Jan-16 00:04:58

Wow! Yanbu at all! I cant believe someone would do that. It is disgusting!
I would not give them a lift, nor would i give them anymore of my time

Kirkenes Mon 25-Jan-16 00:05:11

They sound cheeky and rude. I wouldn't give them a lift as it would irritate me.

infife Mon 25-Jan-16 00:06:42

Sorry, needed to clarify - we did see each other for lunch on the first day after I picked them up from the airport. You know, we had a good time.

I just kinda expected a bit more - especially since we haven't hung out for years. We'd discussed various places to eat, and I'd kind of assumed that .... they might take me out for dinner? But I'd have been happy paying, which is why I invited them out the other two nights.

Well, thanks for the replies - I was wondering if I was just getting myself down and being a little unfair. But it seems it is as rude as I thought.

I think I might have an 'unexpected meeting' tomorrow, so won't be able to do the airport.

Peevedquitter Mon 25-Jan-16 00:08:06

I would be sending them an invoice and address it to Mr and Mrs User Cheapskate.

AlpacaLypse Mon 25-Jan-16 00:08:44

Lift to airport would need to be tied up with some spectacular bells and whistles - and since you'll have to be sober at the end of whatever 'do' they offered, it's not going to work is it?!

OP, terribly sorry but you're previously engaged...

AlpacaLypse Mon 25-Jan-16 00:09:35

grin xposted!

dangerrabbit Mon 25-Jan-16 00:11:25

Wow, users! Friend-dump them.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Mon 25-Jan-16 07:41:40

From their point of view they asked to stay with you and you said no but you can stay away from us at x. Maybe they read that as not wanting to spend all day every day with them. Lack of communication.

SSargassoSea Mon 25-Jan-16 07:47:19

They probably see it as making use of an empty flat and you, their kind friend, being obliging.

If they'd initially planned to stay with you I expect they were dead pleased to get the chance of the flat and have taken full advantage of it. Being an hour away is quite a distance to expect you to drive for lunch, that might have influenced the invites.

Apologise for not being able to make the airport trip, direct them to the bus service and make sure the flat is booked next time they want to come.

Collaborate Mon 25-Jan-16 07:55:31

There is a modest inconvenience to them in taking the bus to the airport. There is a huge inconvenience to you in having to ferry them there.

They're not bothered about that. As long as their inconvenience is kept to a minimum, that's what matters.

Don't come up with an excuse. Just tell them it's massively inconvenient.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 25-Jan-16 07:59:30

Tell them the truth, you're annoyed and you're not able to drive them to the airport.

Ginslinger Mon 25-Jan-16 08:06:34

under no circumstances should you drive them. I'd also say that you're a bit disappointed that there seemed to be a misunderstanding about spending time together.

Jux Mon 25-Jan-16 08:12:43

They've done a little number on you. Cross them off your Xmas card list. No airport lifts.

Only1scoop Mon 25-Jan-16 08:12:55

They were meant to be visiting you!

I think they were using you as an excuse to get free accommodation for a mini break.

I would also say that a meeting had cropped up.

'Shame you couldn't make dinner last night etc as something's cropped up and I can't do an airport run again today. Hope you've had a nice time let me know you get back ok'

IamTheWhoreofBabylon Mon 25-Jan-16 08:18:01

No way would I be giving them a lift to the airport
Please refuse

Blu Mon 25-Jan-16 08:20:36

How near to your house is the flat? Was it easy for them to meet up with you?

I would not do the airport run. I don't know why anyone thinks airport runs are necessary if there is quick , cheap and easy public transport.

What have they been doing? Was there a specific event they wanted to come for?

HPsauciness Mon 25-Jan-16 08:43:12

Very rude, when we invite friends over, even if they stay elsewhere, we try to fit in as much time together as possible. One lunch on their first day isn't much. How disappointing. And how rude of them to think they can then ask for a lift to the airport. It's sad when things don't turn out quite how you expected.

Alicewasinwonderland Mon 25-Jan-16 08:44:39

They were planning on visiting you, but were offered alternative accommodation, which is very nice of you. They might reasonably think you wanted your own space and didn't want to disturb you! Why are people here so quick to attack them. They didn't ask for a free holiday flat, they were coming to see you!

Just decline the airport run (which is pushing it a bit), explaining you can't make it, and that's it. It would be a shame to lose a friendship on a misunderstanding.

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