AIBU to ask DP to stop contact.

[NoBBC]

Recently discovered DP texting a good friend about having feelings for someone else.

DP and I have discussed and after this I believed it didn't really mean anything.

Despite this, AIBU to not want DP to be in contact with this someone else? Even if it makes things awkward for DP.

[helloella]

YANBU.

[hownottofuckup]

The person he has feelings for?
If I had feelings for someone else but wished to remain with my DP, I would want to limit my contact with that someone else as far as possible.

[NoBBC]

Even if you believed those feelings weren't real?

[NoBBC]

Well 90% sure at least!

[AyeAmarok]

Why do you think that he was lying about telling his friend he has feelings for someone else?

That sounds a bit like wishful thinking and that you're setting yourself up to be a doormat

[Sparkletastic]

How could it not mean anything?

[CakeRavager]

I had a male friend who, as it turned out, my DH felt uneasy about. I'd never said I had feelings for this friend, or done anything untoward but his existence was making my DH unhappy.

Now, I love my DH and wouldn't want him to be unhappy, nor to do anything to hurt him so after a brief conversation to establish that, yes, he was serious, and yes, he really was unhappy, I cut all contact with this friend. If it was a choice between continuing that friendship or my dh's happiness, dh would win every time, hands down.

And I'm pretty sure that is the way it should be. So no, YANBU.

[hownottofuckup]

I've never had feelings for someone whilst believing I didn't.
I have fancied someone, but already been in a relationship so haven't wanted to indulge in it any further.
I don't think I quite understand what you mean about having feelings but not believing them to be real?

[VimFuego101]

Why do you believe the feelings 'aren't real'? Is he trying to downplay things now that he's been caught out?

[MissBattleaxe]

YANBU. It's a fair enough request.

[NoBBC]

Difficult to go into specifics as I'm sure DP goes on MN.
But yes DP did play it down, and convinced me it was bravado / saying what the friend wanted to hear. I obviously have doubts because regardless of the reasons it was a pretty big deal.

[hownottofuckup]

So he doesn't have feelings for someone else he just pretended he did to big himself up to his mates whilst in a committed relationship?
No! That's a terrible excuse!

[AyeAmarok]

Does his friend know the girl he claimed to have feelings for?

[Oldraver]

He's been caught out..I really dont think he would admit to you it was true that he had feelings for another

[NoBBC]

The nagging doubts come from the fact that of course DP would deny it. I believed DP at the time we talked. As time has gone by I'm a little less sure. Slightly horrified today to see a message to other person about catching up. Regardless of the truth it just seems like a silly thing to do in light of the history. I would be steering well clear.
And yes friend does know the other person.

[AyeAmarok]

Your DP is being inappropriate and disrespectful to you and your relationship.

Can you walk away before he makes more of a fool of you? Or do you feel you have to stay with him and "try"?