Baby won't sleep in cot

(49 Posts)
cmbrown Sat 23-Jan-16 21:43:38

Hi everyone sorry if this is the wrong place it's only my second post. My baby is 10 weeks, he had colic and reflux, we couldn't lay him down as he would be sick, gag and stop breathing (briefly but still scary for him and us). As a result he would only sleep upright on mine or my partners chest. Nearly 3 months later and we're still doing this. We're exhausted as we stay awake because it's not safe for us to sleep with him like this because of SIDS risk. His symptoms have improved but he still has reflux, we've been trying to put him in his crib but he screams till he's inconsolable and starts gagging again. I don't know how much of it now is reflux and how much is because he's used to sleeping on us. Does anyone have advice? I'm pretty desperate. Things we've tried - we've raised the head end of the cot, he's on ranitidine for the reflux, also on comfort formula.

Heirhelp Sat 23-Jan-16 21:45:26

Have you tried something like a next to me crib so you can touch him while sleeping?

itsaruddygame Sat 23-Jan-16 21:59:23

There is evidence that co sleeping done safely actually reduces the risk of SIDS. Have a look at the la leche league book Sweet Sleep which includes safety information. In certain parts of the world where sharing a bed with your baby is the norm SIDS is much less common. There are important caveats to this including a safe sleep environment, no alcohol or drugs, none obese parents and non smoking. It is important to educate yourself re the safety aspects but it's much safer to plan to do it than to do it accidentally. Most of the headlines you see are poor exhausted parents trying to stay awake but falling asleep in chairs, on sofas or with unsuitable sleeping surfaces etc which are dangerous for infants.
James McKenna is s professor carrying out research in this area and it is worth reading about his work

cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

Another good book for anyone considering co sleeping
www.amazon.co.uk/Three-Bed-Benefits-Sleeping-Your/dp/0747565759
Lots of safety info in there.

FireflyGirl Sat 23-Jan-16 22:01:19

Have you heard of the Sleepyhead? We didn't have the issues you had but found DS slept better with it. Worth looking into grin

Hope things improve for you brew

AgentZigzag Sat 23-Jan-16 22:01:19

flowers

Could you try putting him in the cot for say 30 seconds when he hasn't got to go to sleep and then build up the length of time he's in it? So it's not so unfamiliar to him? Has he got a comfort blanket or toy that you can put in there, or maybe something of yours/your DPs so it smells familiar?

What about a bouncer chair thing?

I'm only guessing though, but sometimes the only way to find what works is to keep trying different things (keeping in mind that it's only a matter of time until it sorts itself out (if I can say that without minimising him stopping breathing, which must have been/still is a fucking nightmare for you both!))

goodnightdarthvader1 Sat 23-Jan-16 22:02:45

I have a friend who warmed the cot with a hot water bottle, removed it, then placed DS in cot, he loved it. Might do nothing but maybe worth a try?

Also, Chicco Next2Me co-sleeping crib allows you to raise one end so they're lying at an angle, said to help reflux / colic.

PuntasticUsername Sat 23-Jan-16 22:08:03

Crikey, you've got to get more sleep than that sad

As a pp said, it's possible to co sleep reasonably safely - and that'll be much better than both of you continuing to utterly exhaust yourselves trying to stay awake with him.

In your shoes, I would start co sleeping until he's a bit older (and hopefully the medical issues have receded) and you're all better rested, then think again about the cot. Good luck. You sound like devoted parents, it will all be fine!

HariboFrenzy Sat 23-Jan-16 22:08:12

Have you ruled out any milk protein allergy/intolerance? This often goes hand in hand with reflux and symptoms can be passed off as colic.

d270r0 Sat 23-Jan-16 22:15:50

My child was exactly the same as a baby. It is very difficult. They are not meant to sleep on the tummy at this age but if they can't lie on their back due to reflux etc. you have to find another way. We compromised by him sleeping on his side. One side (can't remember which you'll have to google it) is good for reflux babies, wheras the other side is bad. I used to roll up a blanket and put it against his back once he was down so that he didn't accidentally fall onto his back.

I had the same issue with you at first- would only sleep on my tummy. I found once in deep sleep, I could lie down on the bed and slowly turn over so that he was lying on his side next to me. He would then stay asleep for a while and I could doze off too. I kept my arm round him to keep him safe and would instantly wake up if he woke or fidgeted.

Another thing I did was to take the side of the cot off, put the cot at bed height and put it next to my bed. This way I could put him down onto the cot. I did squish the cot up to the bed with a cupboard on the other side so there was no chance of a gap to fall down. Gradually he started sleeping more and more in the cot and less and less on me.

I know it is hard but keep going, you will get through it and it will get better and better. The younger they are, the harder it is so it will only get easier from here on in. Reflux slowly disappears as they get older.

DrCoconut Sat 23-Jan-16 22:21:49

It may be officially frowned on but me and DS3 co sleep. I did this with DS2 also and he sleeps in his own room now. For us it is the solution to sleep deprivation. But I realise this is not for everyone and cannot over emphasise the importance of researching it carefully and doing it safely.

AgentZigzag Sat 23-Jan-16 22:25:05

I loved having mine in bed with me and would definitely agree that it can be a great solution to loads of problems, but isn't it more that OP's DS will only go to sleep when he's propped up on her or her DP and it's this she's saying she doesn't think is safe rather than a overall problem getting him bedded down with them?

DisappointedOne Sat 23-Jan-16 22:40:34

DD slept on me like that for 4 months. It's just how she liked to be. I didn't have trouble sleeping so long as I was propped up with about a million pillows. Then she was either in her hammock (they're brilliant for reflux if you can get one) or in bed with me.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 23-Jan-16 22:44:05

A cot that attaches to the side of your bed? A quick google will tell you the name and cost

Also co sleeping is safe when done correctly, Google can help here too

woodwaj Sat 23-Jan-16 23:22:02

My DS was similar at first. I think he had a sore head from forceps delivery and then got comfy on us. We bought the sleepy head pod and i loved it. It can go right in between you both and it's safe to sleep in all night (not all pods are!) If you do get one I'd recommend the Grande so it lasts as long as poss. And it's portable so if he likes it you can place it in the cot so he gets used to it. Our DS still isn't a great sleeper we end up Co sleeping most nights now. DS outgrew my arms and rarely sleeps on me now

DisappointedOne Sat 23-Jan-16 23:49:38

Yes, DD was a forceps delivery too. I think hearing your heartbeat is soothing to them too (as they heard it inside).

AuditAngel Sun 24-Jan-16 00:39:41

DS had silent reflux, on really desperate nights, I let him sleep in his take along swing. Not ideal, but once I got to the stage of bring incapable of speech, I figured I had to gave sleep at any cost.

DS is now 11.

trashcanjunkie Sun 24-Jan-16 01:50:30

Oh my god, just take the baby to bed with you. I'm pretty sure it's what most of the rest of the world has done since forever. I did. Don't go drunk, or smokey, don't cover them with your duvet, and you'll all be fine.

Haveheart Sun 24-Jan-16 03:45:04

I could of written your post a few months ago! We started off by buying a sleepyhead that we had in our bed as I felt that it was safer for co sleeping ( I know that co sleeping can be safe if done correctly but this gave us extra piece of mind).
He still struggled with the reflux though so in the end we bought a next to me crib so we could have him on an incline and he's fine now! Sleeps pretty much through the night and we use the sleepyhead inside it but obviously you can use it without!

Absofrigginlootly Sun 24-Jan-16 03:45:48

Sympathies from me!!! Been there got the t shirt. DD had silent reflux and cmpi (breastfed) and slept upright on my chest (in centre of double bed, sheets tucked in around my middle, propt up on pillows behind my back with my arms clamped around her bum in a finger-locked position. and I learnt to sleep like that and never moved a cm so she was safe. She also had really good head control so I wasn't worried about suffocation on my chest - but tbh, by that point it was just about survival for us all!!) until 5.5 months when my arse and lower back could take it no more!!!! I led her next to me in bed on her side with my boob in her mouth which seemed to pacify her annoyance at not being on my chest anymore. But that also coincided with her reflux being significantly better controlled.

Google safe cosleeping to set up a safe environment. Much safer than trying desperately to stay awake!!!!

I also eventually put her cot alongside my mattress with the side off at around 8 months and used to feed her to sleep the gently roller into her cot (she would only sleep on her front but could roll well by then) and she will sleep large chunks of. The night in her cot now. Next stage for us at 15 months is night weaning (whole other thread!!)

Firstly I would get symptom control sorted. Ime ranitadine is crap. Omeprazole is your saviour! DD was on 20mg to get good control.
Also look into cmpi.

Good luck

Absofrigginlootly Sun 24-Jan-16 03:48:02

*then gently roll her into her cot

toots111 Sun 24-Jan-16 04:01:19

Just wanted to share you're pain. Baby asleep on me right now. You are not alone smile

Absofrigginlootly Sun 24-Jan-16 04:04:27

www.amazon.com/Colic-Solved-Essential-Infant-Difficult/dp/0345490681

That book is your friend!!!!! Read to you wont be disappointed!!

And before you think wtf you're awake in the. Idle of the night it obviously hasn't worked for your baby I'm 5 hours behind the UK so don't dispair it will get better!!!

Absofrigginlootly Sun 24-Jan-16 04:07:25

*youre awake in the middle of the night

F-you autocorrect. I'm off to bed

cmbrown Sun 31-Jan-16 01:03:35

Sorry for the late reply to this I just wanted to say thank you - there are loads of brilliant suggestions here, you're all really sympathetic and it's nice to know i'm not alone. Other forums i've tried people seem to inexplicably criticise no matter what you've said, like they enjoy starting a row. You guys are all lovely, gonna make Mumsnet my new home!

villainousbroodmare Sun 31-Jan-16 01:26:49

The Sleepyhead is good - DS is snoozing in his one right now - but expensive. You can try a homemade version by rolling up a bath towel into a sausage and putting it into a pillowcase, or using a pool noodle in the same way. Otherwise you spend a lot of money on something that might not help.
Good luck! It will work out.

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