I really don't want to cause offence, and am putting this here rather than in SN so I get a broad range of opinions.
So DD2 has just turned 14. Doing well at school, plays a sport (individual), is generally pretty calm, few teenage outbursts, loves her dog (more than her big sister I suspect!).
DD finds the social aspect of school hard, not only at lunch and break, but finding people to work with in class - the other girls often annoy her by being silly, or say unkind things to her. She has been bullied. She isn't into her appearance - at all. She looks fine, just no make up, minimal hair brushing, standard uniform (doesn't roll her skirt or blazer sleeves!). She just isn't interested in typical teen stuff like boys, bands, parties, instagram. DD1 was more typical in this way - had a gang of friends at school, lots of sleepevers, social media etc.
She is also quite shy. She will chat with people she knows well, but it can be somewhat one-sided, she doesn't remember to ask other people questions about themselves. She hates speaking on the phone, and talking to people in shops etc. To me it looks like she is just acutely self conscious. I guess other people would say she is socially awkward.
She has a few things that she is really 'into'. Nerdy things, but they make her happy. She has a couple of people she sees out of school that are also in to these things, so she meets up with them infrequently. She doesn't seem to feel the need to go and see friends. Once a fortnight she might, otherwise she is happy at home.
She is clumsy, quite often very unaware of what is going on around her, finds it hard to think under pressure, or remember verbal instructions (though she is very bright - top sets at school - all girls school btw, her choice). Her hearing and sight are fine.
She did see a school counsellor because she felt unhappy at school, and she does get anxious about the future - because she is bright she sees how hard it is for young people and worries about debt, university, affording somewhere to live. She is quite a serious person. This anxiety isn't constant at a high level, but she is pretty introspective and ruminates.
I have heard her peers describe her as 'weird'. Her older sister has also called her that. One teacher asked if she had a diagnosis of anything. Other teachers say either she is lovely and contributes well, or is quiet, depending on the subject.
So, where does socially awkward end, and being on the spectrum start? I really don't know if she has anything diagnosable, or whether she is just a shy and serious teen. I know from a friend who does admin in a teen mental health team that trying to get a diagnosis takes ages, and you have to be very high need to get seen, so is it worth trying even? If she has Aspergers, would having that confirmed make a difference? She knows she is different from her peers anyway, and might see a diagnosis as constraining what she is capable of rather than explaining her differences.
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Please
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AIBU?
to not know whether to try and find out if DD has Aspergers or is just a bit eccentric?
80 replies
Fortful · 22/01/2016 11:49
OP posts:
LemonySmithit ·
22/01/2016 12:05
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MrsDeVere ·
22/01/2016 12:45
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