To think that if you have a guest, you should feed them?

(99 Posts)
ValiantMouse Thu 21-Jan-16 23:13:45

Background- My friend and her partner have been together for over a year, have a 8 month old baby but live apart at the moment due to their jobs. Both live with their parents.

Anyway, if he visits her house, her parents feed them all, even if they have to stretch a meal. (I've been there and see it take place). If she goes to his parent's house, they never feed her- she was telling me that they'd made a roast dinner with enough to feed everyone, but had put out enough for themselves and never offered to feed friend's partner or my friend. It hasn't just happened once, but every time his parents serve a meal, including when friend was heavily pregnant.

If my friends/family comes to my house, I feed them even if it means stretching a meal or cooking something different. AIBU to think it's kinda rude?

RonniePickering Thu 21-Jan-16 23:20:44

I couldn't feed people in my house without offering everyone there some.

Utterly rude imo.

coconutpie Thu 21-Jan-16 23:24:23

So your friend's partner's parents (ie the baby's grandparents) won't even offer their grandchild's mother a bit of dinner when she visits? WTF? I wouldn't be visiting them again. What rude, miserable people.

Hold on, did you also say they don't feed the partner also (ie their own son)? Are they trying to not-so-subtly tell him to move out already?

TheMouseThatRoared Thu 21-Jan-16 23:24:52

Yanbu. If I don't have enough to feed guests I delay the meal until they have left or politely make hints that they should go home.

Tweetypie100 Thu 21-Jan-16 23:34:09

God that's awful!

trufflehunterthebadger Thu 21-Jan-16 23:36:32

Unbelivably rude

But i start pressing food on people the minute they cross the threshold. As do the rest of the matriarchs in my family

Wolfiefan Thu 21-Jan-16 23:36:49

Perhaps they are making a point? How often is she there? If she's turning up at dinner time for half the week then they may feel fed up. When is partner moving out? Are they getting a place together?

arethereanyleftatall Thu 21-Jan-16 23:38:37

So, just to clarify - son already lives there, brings his partner, then they dish up and eat a full roast in front if you both without saying a word?

Ginkypig Thu 21-Jan-16 23:38:47

If your going to eat while you have guests in, you have to feed your guests.

If I had a guest in and I didn't want to feed them I wouldn't eat until they left but to be honest if I have a guest they get offered snacks outside of meal times or dinner/takeaway at meal times.

I don't have suprise drop ins though so would know in advance if somone would be here.

Birdsgottafly Thu 21-Jan-16 23:42:07

Every time an OP starts a thread on unwanted guests/ freeloaders and children that they would rather move out, the consensus is, "Stop feeding them".

It's always telling that supposedly close family members can't have an open conversation about what's happening.

Or perhaps they have told him and he's keeping quiet.

Birdsgottafly Thu 21-Jan-16 23:43:44

I also think they're making the point that she's his guest and not their guest.

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 21-Jan-16 23:46:42

I do think it's a bit rude to go to someone's house at meal times if you haven't been specifically invited for a meal. You run the risk of there not being enough food for you and the person you're visiting feel awkward and embarrassed.

That said, this situation sounds incredibly wierd. The Inlaws are either trying to make a point because she keeps turning up at an inconvenient time with no prior arrangement (and it doesn't sound like there is close enough a relationship there for a drop in to feel natural), or if no other possible issues they are just plain stingy and ignorant. If there is food there, you would offer it! And what about their grand child? At 8 months old, surely he/she would be eating a bit of mashed up potato and carrot - do they not even want to feed a little baby?!

ValiantMouse Thu 21-Jan-16 23:49:25

Wolfiefan, it's very rare that she visits them. Maybe once a month? However, the reverse isn't true- he's at her parent's house almost every night (and gets fed every visit.)

They're saving towards a deposit on a house, have 75% of it.

ValiantMouse Thu 21-Jan-16 23:50:59

They take their own food for their little one. I'm not sure if that's because there's no food offered when they visit this set of GPs or not.

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 21-Jan-16 23:52:10

Ah. It can't be their grandchild, can it? confused. Or am I being thick? The couple have only been together a year. The baby is 8 months so born when they'd been together for 4 months. The numbers don't add up, OP. Your friend must have been already 5 months pregnant when they got together.

There must be more to this story.

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 21-Jan-16 23:53:07

They should still feed them but it might explain their odd behaviour towards your friend. Do they have doubts about the relationship?

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 21-Jan-16 23:54:08

Sorry, misread. You wrote "been together for over a year." Bit confusing.

SaucyJack Thu 21-Jan-16 23:55:50

But she isn't their guest, non?

They clearly don't see it that way anyway.

Not enough info to tell whether they are actively making a passive-aggressive dig, or just going about their own business in their own home tho.

ValiantMouse Thu 21-Jan-16 23:56:11

Baby is 100% their grandchild. smile Maybe I should have said 'almost two years' or 'well over a year'. Sorry for any confusion. smile

YourLittlePlantPot Fri 22-Jan-16 00:00:48

That's really poor manners.

I'm still cringing from a friend dropping in unannounced earlier and refusing to let me give her a plate. I felt awful with us tucking into a slap up dinner and DF sitting nursing a cup of tea-- I had to restrain myself from force feeding her.--

CurlyhairedAssassin Fri 22-Jan-16 00:01:43

What do they actually do for food when they go to Inlaws then? Do they have to go out to maccies or something? I wouldn't be happy if I were contributing towards household food costs (I'm assuming he is) but not included in the meal times!

Anyway, if it's not very often that she visits it's the polite thing to do to offer some to a visitor, whether others contributed financially to it or not!

ValiantMouse Fri 22-Jan-16 00:05:32

She doesn't drive so her partner picks her up/takes her home. They get something either on the way there or on the way home.

CurlyhairedAssassin Fri 22-Jan-16 00:06:05

Being nosy now - how come their jobs mean that they live separately? If he's at her parents house most nights it can't be for distance reasons? Are there night shifts involved or something?

I must get a life. Totally over invested in the minutiae of someone else's life......grin

Valentine2 Fri 22-Jan-16 00:10:10

They are trying to make a point. Very rudely. I would not visit them again.

ValiantMouse Fri 22-Jan-16 00:13:11

Down to the money aspect really more than anything I think. He's a bit away from finishing a vocational qualification that will give him a decent wage increase, and she works part time/shift work because of the little one. She's also doing a training course two days a week that will give her a job for life once she qualifies.

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