To wonder how I can become less sensitive?

[InnerDiva]

I really feel like I must be over sensitive as I take everything so personally and always feel like people are being off with me. I always read things into situations and feel left out then end up backing away from groups.

I do suffer from depression and low self esteem but am on medication. Has anyone got any sage advice on how to be less sensitive?

[Gottagetmoving]

Counselling? or a course in Mindfulness? Have a word with your GP about it.

[InnerDiva]

I have counselling on an ongoing basis but I can't seem to get past this

[Cardboxed]

CBT would be good for this sort of thing.

[SaucyJack]

Are you able to identify exactly what it is you feel insecure about, and what triggered it?

It won't solve it overnight, but it can be enormously helpful to be able to pinpoint what you are feeling and why.

[InnerDiva]

I think the trigger is that my parents were both narcissistic bullies that told me off for everything, nothing I ever did was good enough.

[BarbarianMum]

Can you identify things that you do that bolster your self-esteem? And remind yourself of those (and do more of them, if time allows)? I think building self-esteem is generally more useful than focussing on being less sensitive (although if you constantly replay slights and negative thoughts CBT can be useful in learning to stop doing that).

[cailindana]

My advice would be to examine why enjoy being a victim and why you think everything revolves around you. You're getting something out of it - otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it - so figure out what you're getting. Perhaps you find it easier to think everyone's against you and so there's no point in trying rather than thinking that in fact you could get out there and do things and make friends?

[BarbarianMum]

Well yes, that would explain it .

Have you ever had counselling to talk through your relationship with your parents? If not, please consider it. Having narcissists (esp 2) as parents is hugely damaging, you must be a very strong person to be able to stand back from the situation and recognise them for what they are.

[BarbarianMum]

cailindana I hope to God that was a crossed post with OP's last!

[cailindana]

Ah right, didn't see the parents thing. So the way you were taught to relate to people by your parents is that you do something and they find fault. So that's what you look for in other people. You're waiting for that interaction because that's what familiar. So you need to learn, from scratch, what healthy interactions look like.

[InnerDiva]

That pretty much sums it up!

I don't really know what activities boost my self esteem, I need to find some. I work part time and find that helps

[InnerDiva]

Cailindana, how can I learn from scratch? Is it possible to do that at my age (late thirties)?

[thelifeofamber]

I used to feel exactly the same .... and I still do sometimes.

The best advice I ever got was to "reply" and not "react".

I always over thought stuff and reacted ... then I calmed down and realised I definitely hadn't acted the best way and it just caused more issues.

Now I give myself time to reply properly and its helped a lot.

Hopefully that makes sense.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

Pretend you are someone else doing a job.
Someone who didn't give a fuck and just had to get on with.

[stugtank]

I think CailinDana's posts are a bit blunt to be honest.

I'm going through similar at the moment OP and I had narcissists as parents too. It's exhausting isn't it?

[SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals]

I have the exact same issue, my Jo has helped no end, growing older and finding my voice, I am finally capable of saying no, thank you when I don't want to do something. I find it only creeps back in when I am on my period now,, I am 39 next and perimenipausal. My top tip is be kinder to yourself, don't people please and mindfulness. Helped me stacks, good luck