To have gone to work today?

(54 Posts)
itsnotterrysitsmine Wed 20-Jan-16 21:21:49

DH works night's & last night on his way in to work had crashed his car. Fortunately he is physically fine, the car however is almost certainly going to be a write off. He rang me from the crash scene to tell me what had happened, & also told me I would probably not be going to work for the rest of the week. I said ok we'll see, as at this point I didn't know what state he was going to be in today, how long courtesy cars etc would take to sort out. This morning DH was fine, we got the practical side of things sorted out by mid day so I went to work for the afternoon. I asked DH if he could do me a favour in the early part of the afternoon, he said yeah that's fine but can you do x, y & z for me later to maximise his sleep before work tonight.

Just now I've asked a small question & had my head ripped off. He's pissed off I went to work today of all days, I put work before him, I'm selfish, if I want something it has to now but what he wants doesn't matter & on the list goes. I tried to calmly explain my reasoning but got about half a sentence in to be told it was bull shit, I've knocked the fight out of him in terms of what's the fucking point in telling me anything because we'll be back to normal next week.

I went to work because he was fine, everything that could be sorted was and I need to protect my job and any goodwill I have with my managers - DH is still on a probation period with his job, we have 2 young dc's and no support network so on a practical level I'm always minimising any time I have off work for those occasions where DC's are too poorly for school or nursery as it will be me that will have to take time off to look after them. On top of that DH will have lost his full shift pay from last night and his shift premium for the week and we now have to pay for the excess and a new car and I don't know how today will have been recorded at work so can't really afford to risk losing any more financially.

ilovesooty Wed 20-Jan-16 21:24:02

He's being a twat. I don't see how you could have justified not going to work.

Not2bObvious Wed 20-Jan-16 21:24:21

Probably still in some shock after the accident I'd say

Not2bObvious Wed 20-Jan-16 21:26:00

I would say he was still in a bit of shock, over thought the situation and took your practical stance as uncaring? Not saying you were btw, just that he might be more shook and over reacted.

Haggisfish Wed 20-Jan-16 21:27:40

I second shock. I wrote my car off once in similar circumstances-took me a while to get over, and I was horribly pissed off with me letting us down in terms of money.

DelphiniumBlue Wed 20-Jan-16 21:30:39

If he wasn't seriously injured I don't see how you could just take a day off work. You're not sick and it isn't an emergency. You'd have zero credibility at work if you took a day off in those circumstances, and lucky if you had a job to go back to.
Does he normally view your work as optional?

rollonthesummer Wed 20-Jan-16 21:33:13

Why would you have taken the day off work?!

itsnotterrysitsmine Wed 20-Jan-16 21:33:30

I really hope it is just shock talking and when he calms down he'll be more rational about it. It's so hurtful though when I feel like I've done nothing but support him, not jut through this but through 2 redundancies in as many years and that has probably made me more worried about protecting my job as we know only too well how easily companies can get rid of employees and how hard it is to get another one.

Hairyfairy01 Wed 20-Jan-16 21:35:56

Why would you need to take any time off? He can walk etc I presume since the accident? What does he expect you to be doing if taking the time off?

Not2bObvious Wed 20-Jan-16 21:37:10

Honestly I think it's shock and you saying there's been 2 redundancies in 2 years, that sounds like lots of stress for you both - probably in his head it's like what else could go wrong?

QueryQuery Wed 20-Jan-16 21:38:03

Well I'm clearly even more of a horrible person, but if nobody was badly injured I'd have gone to work in the morning as well. Unless he was at the hospital he should have gone to work last night.

It's bonkers not to go if you can get there. Lunch hours and after work can be used for making calls.

Gobbolino6 Wed 20-Jan-16 21:55:09

I wouldn't even have stayed at home this morning. He's fine, he's not a child, why couldn't he sort the car etc himself? I don't understand how you missing any work is justifiable.

Iggi999 Wed 20-Jan-16 21:59:32

Unless he was injured I would have been at work. You get time off to care for dependants, not for cars.

On the face of it, YANBU. But how serious was the accident? I was in a serious car accident last year. As it was happening, I was convinced i was going to die. I walked away injury free but was in shock for days. I imagine if he had a similar experience then he may have really wanted you around.

EssexMummy1234 Wed 20-Jan-16 22:05:39

why is there no red flag emoticon?

ChampaleSocialist Wed 20-Jan-16 22:06:25

I dont think your bosses would have been very understanding if you had taken the week off, but he's had a shock and isnt acting rationally.
Part of shock can be fear that everyone around you is also at risk and you want to keep them where you can see them.
go to work but phone in a couple of times if you can, see if that helps him.

Badlittlesis Wed 20-Jan-16 22:10:59

Twat, but gets a 'get out clause' because of the RTA.

If he's normally a good guy I'd put it down to shock, even a near miss can really shake you.

If he's normally an arse.....................

Sedona123 Wed 20-Jan-16 22:13:57

The bit I'm a bit 😳 over is where you said that he told you that you probably wouldn't be going to work for the rest of the week!!! Was he annoyed that you would be using the one remaining car, or was he expecting you to stay home and fuss over him for a few days? Anyway, as others have said, you even taking this morning off was unnecessary.

Herrerarerra Wed 20-Jan-16 22:18:44

He rang me from the crash scene to tell me what had happened, & also told me I would probably not be going to work for the rest of the week

I don't even see why taking this morning off was necessary but for him to say the rest of the week??

cdtaylornats Wed 20-Jan-16 22:24:47

If you had reversed roles and you had been in the crash and he had gone to work the harridens in here would be telling you to divorce the bastard.

itsnotterrysitsmine Wed 20-Jan-16 22:25:48

Accident was serious, car rolled & hit a tree. Emergency services were called by passers by & were amazed he wasn't more seriously injured than some bumps & bruises. Due to the nature of his job it wouldn't have been safe for him to go to work last night.
The bit about me staying at home for the week was a complete knee jerk reaction on his part & said in the panic of the moment.

Jollyphonics Wed 20-Jan-16 22:27:00

YANBU. He's being a drama queen. I wrote my car off a few years ago, with my toddler in the car. It scared the hell out of me and I still think about it. DS was fine but I had some nasty bruises and whiplash, but I still went to work the next day (in a hire car). It wouldn't have occurred to me to take a day off, so I wouldn't in a million years have demanded someone else stayed home too!

RB68 Wed 20-Jan-16 22:27:51

Ridiculous self centred nonesense

Viviennemary Wed 20-Jan-16 22:32:50

If he was fine then you were absolutely right to go to work. He sounds really stressed out though. I think there must be more to it all than this. Why did he want you to stay at home if he was fine.

Iggi999 Wed 20-Jan-16 22:32:57

Cd the harridans in here may soon be telling you to fuck off.
If the sexes were reversed its highly doubtful the OP would have asked her partner to stay off, men's jobs being so much more important than women's.

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