Why do strangers think they have the right to tell you to "cheer up"

(43 Posts)
bellaSorela Mon 18-Jan-16 20:21:41

Its so annoying i get this constantly, like today i was in Ikea, i was not pissed off or angry, its just my face.
An Ikea worker, when he was walking past me he was over staring and i was not paying attention to him so he though he would try get my attention by trying to embarrass me and shout "cheer up love" so others started looking around.
Why do strangers do this?
maybe i just got sacked, maybe a family member died why do strangers think they have to right to comment on your facial expressions if it doesnt affect their life what so ever?
I find it so embarrassing when people say this to me.

AIBU?

MiddleClassProblem Mon 18-Jan-16 20:23:04

Maybe you don't just walk around all day grinning like a maniac

originalmavis Mon 18-Jan-16 20:24:04

I have a very grumpy neutral face but did have this twice just after mum died. I found a swift 'my mum died on Monday' may have made them think twice the next time they felt the need to comment.

FishOn Mon 18-Jan-16 20:24:23

YANBU it's epically rude

immortalwife Mon 18-Jan-16 20:25:05

They don't have the right. I tend to respond with a further grimace on my clearly bitchy face and tell them to bugger orf 😬

bellaSorela Mon 18-Jan-16 20:33:59

I also had some builders say this to me when my mum died as well then talk about how i have an "attitude problem" because i ignored them, people really don't think when they say things to others.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever Mon 18-Jan-16 20:40:46

This usually provokes a rather extreme -sweary- reaction from me as I've had it since I was 11 - once from a man driving past in a car. angry I might smile sweetly as I give them the finger for instance smile

Heatherplant Mon 18-Jan-16 20:42:22

I get that all the fecking time. I have a neurological problem that affects my face. I sometimes can't smile properly. It's not just strangers, my mil has even come out with 'smile Heatherplant'. It's bloody annoying.

apricotdanish Mon 18-Jan-16 20:43:59

Yanbu, it's very annoying, that and people telling you that you look tired!

nippiesweetie Mon 18-Jan-16 20:44:20

I think you would enjoy this OP. 'A random man has life advice.'

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TmscdapDHg

MeadowHay Mon 18-Jan-16 21:26:10

YANBU, it's horrible and ime usually comes from sexist men. Tell them to piss off, or give them your scariest smile.

biggles50 Mon 18-Jan-16 22:27:54

Don't worry about it, have a cheeky remark to hand, someone once rang me to ask if I was ok because they'd seen me crying. It's just my normal expression, I don't mean to look miserable.

EyeoftheStorm Mon 18-Jan-16 22:30:21

Caitlin Moran wrote about this is in an article recently. Her response was: I'm not a jukebox - you don't get to make requests.

I have filed that away for future use.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 18-Jan-16 22:41:07

When I was a weird and scary Goth my classic comeback to "cheer up love, it might never happen", was, "it just did" [deathstare].

Do men ever get told to smile or cheer up?

MrsJamin Mon 18-Jan-16 22:51:19

This is a feminist issue, OP. Men do it to women, we're meant to be happy to see them! I always think of a a reply too slowly after I hear "cheer up, love, it might never happen!" I don't think I have resting bitch face though.

Pedestriana Mon 18-Jan-16 22:53:07

Annoying, and unnecessary.
My example may be triggering/distressing for some.

I worked in a place where we had a lot of people coming through the office at different times for different things. Someone told a woman in another department to cheer up. She'd just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Now the person making small-talk wouldn't know that, but that's the problem I have with small-talk.

(The woman with terminal cancer, although very thin, had a huge swelling in her abdomen. Nearer the time she died she was then asked by another small-talker "when's it due?" to which the answer "my funeral? oh probably in a few months" brought about an uncomfortable silence)

ProudAS Mon 18-Jan-16 22:55:22

YANBU - why do some people just assume it's so easy for a stranger to cheer up and it's just what the person may not need to hear!

You've got no idea whether a stranger has just suffered a bereavement and if saying "cheer up" could cure depression the condition would have been long since eradicated.

RaspberryOverload Mon 18-Jan-16 22:59:33

In my experience, it's usually been men who say things like this. Men of a certain type, the ones who can't deal with the fact that women might <gasp> have actual feelings that don't have anything to do with them.

Men, who tell you to "cheer up" because of course as a woman you are supposed to be estatically pleased a man has deigned to give you their attention.

I do know twats like that. I ignore the fuckers.

WilLiAmHerschel Mon 18-Jan-16 22:59:59

Pedestriana sad

Strangeoccurence Mon 18-Jan-16 23:00:40

Yup, a swift sharp slap across their brow would cheer me up!
Why do people feel the need to comment?
My ex used to do it to me all the time. I think he expected to be ecstatic whilst in his presence. You know, while he sat there watching tv with a blank expression...

whatdoIget Mon 18-Jan-16 23:03:28

It's because you're not being decorative enough if you're not smiling. You're not allowed to be a woman just going about her business, you've got to be ornamental too angry

Herrerarerra Mon 18-Jan-16 23:05:22

This annoys me so much - like the OP, it's just my face and not necessarily a reflection of how I'm feeling. I'm not going to walk around grinning like the village idiot all of the time.

PiperChapstick Mon 18-Jan-16 23:06:06

People who do this are cunts. I mean, why, what do they gain from it?! DH gets this A LOT as he has a miserable resting face. Unfortunately DD (who is the happiest child ever usually!) has inherited this and I'm forever getting asked what's wrong with her too. I find it so rude!

Strangeoccurence Mon 18-Jan-16 23:08:30

A simple "are you alright?" Would be so much more helpful, and if you were alright, at least it would just appear someone was being friendly, at which point you or I would probably crack a smile.

Thoughtless arses, that is all really.

Finola1step Mon 18-Jan-16 23:09:26

I used to get quite a lot of "Cheer up luv, it mite neva 'appen!" when I was in my late teens, early 20s. Always from the same type of man. Chubby, mid 30's to early 40s, thought he was a right laugh! Some sort of Del Boy Trotter.

I just used to stare. Cold, hard stare. Right through them.

Don't get it now that I'm in my 40s. Funny that.

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