To still get so angry after all this time?

[OneTiredMama]

Sorry, it's a bit of a long one!

OK so my SIL and I get on well enough now because family pushed us to make up but there are days when I'm still seething about how she's behaved towards me over the years.

Shortly after having a break down I was convinced by her to go abroad for a weekend. The whole time I was left out of her clique and at various times made fun of by them but luckily had my cousin so we ended up going our own way. When we got home she told a huge pack of lies about me, that I'd been drunk and abusive and even that I'd 'let myself' be sexually assaulted by a group of men!!!! If it wasn't for my cousin being there and being able to vouch for me she would've turned my family against me. In the past she also spiked my drink to make me 'loosen up' and sent rude messages to my OH pretending to be me.

Now this was about 5 years ago and I have always been told to let her behaviour slide because she's had a hard upbringing and needs attention but haven't we all had hard times? Even when I got pregnant with my first she immediately tried to get pregnant afterwards and all attention was on her again and her attempts to conceive.

AIBU? Should I just get over it and move on like my family say? (My OH doesn't agree i should forgive and forget) I mean she is really good to my LO and me now but I just get really angry that she got away with it all.

Help!

[Fugghetaboutit]

She spiked your drink?! Why the hell are you talking to her, did you report her to the police?

[Samcro]

NO
no way would I ever forgive that,I wouldn't give her house room.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

I would never be able to forgive or forget that and no way in hell would I let her near my children.

You're still angry , quite rightly, because you were pushed into it by family members.

If you want to withdraw or stop contact with her then do it and tell her you can't forget what she did and every time you see her it reminds you of how outrageously she lied.

[DoreenLethal]

Yes - to still being angry
No - to letting this slide.

Spiking drinks - wtf? How fucking dare she.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Fuck me! Sorry, but that was what ran through my mind screaming when I read about how she treated you.

"I have always been told to let her behaviour slide because she's had a hard upbringing and needs attention"
No, on so many levels! Lots of people have a hard upbringing and are lovely people. And given her propensity to tell lies about you, why should she not tell loes about her upbringing? And finally, 'letting it slide' is ALWAYS wrong. Why the hell should other people be treated badly and expected to smile about it? And who tells you to let it slide? Who died and made them God?

Your OH is absolutely right. 'Forgive and forget' is only appropriate when the person being forgiven has repented and made amends. And I do mean 'repented' - saying sorry isn't enough, you have to believe that they are genuinely sorry/ashamed and will never do it again. And even then, you're not obliged to forgive. But I don't see anywhere in your posts that you've even had so much as an insincere sorry. So fuck her. And fuck those that pushed you to 'make up'. They didn't do it for you, they did it for themselves to have an easy life. So they deserve only the same consideration they showed to you.

I wouldn't be in the same room as her, and if that's a problem for your family, tough. It's their problem, they don't get to make it yours.

[OneTiredMama]

Thanks everyone for your replies, honest to God I can't tell you how bloody good it feels to have someone apart from OH not tell me I'm overreacting or stuck in the past!

I would've reported her to the police fugghetaboutit but she only admitted it a couple months later when I happened to be talking about how strange that night was. I was honestly so dumbfounded I didn't know how to react, especially as no-one seemed to think it was a big deal!! I mean this is what I've been up against!

I just never wanted to keep it causing problems for my bro , niece and nephew who I'm really close to and when this was all going on she stopped me seeing them but I think you're right whereyouleftit it's everyone else's problem and they shouldn't force it to be mine. She never did apologise and like SanDiego said every time I see her it reminds me.

Thanks everyone! Now I'm finally sure AINBU and can tell everyone to just feck off with their 'aw, just move on' and 'she's had a hard life' comments.

[biggles50]

It beggars belief that soon after a break down anyone could actually make fun of you and leave you out. You poor thing! Spiking your drinks and telling lies about you? She has no respect for you and has shown herself to be shallow, callous, dishonest and totally untrustworthy. Without a grovelling, heartfelt and truly genuine apology I would not let her into my emotional space again. Politeness is all I could muster if I absolutely had to. You are definitely not bi. If you need to explain to family tell them that you cannot trust her as you've been laughed at, lied about, poisened and your oh subjected to inappropriate prank texts. That's enough no more explanation needed.

[OneTiredMama]

Thanks biggles, that bit always gets me too. I was quite a strong person before the breakdown and I don't know if after that I was just a bit of an easy target?
It'll be hard to explain to family without getting the same excuses they give every time but with the support I've had here I know now I should just take a deep breath and do it!

[WonderingAspie]

Fucking hell, she is an absolute cunt! And I hardly ever use that word.

I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire and I'd have nothing to do with her ever again, neither would my child. What a first class bitch! No way should you ever forget it and move on, not in a million years!

[redexpat]

Of course you are still upset. There is no acknowledgement that she behaved appaulingly to you, and worse still, is that you are then labelled as the problem for wanting anything as outlandish as an apology, or retraction of lies she has spun.

I am amazed that you arent LC or NC with the whole lot of them.

[amarmai]

she has no boundaries, does not respect you, is dangerous and completely untrustworthy. Keep your cc away from her, op.

[VoldysGoneMouldy]

Fucking hell. No. Stay far away from her, and keep your DCs away as well. She spiked your drink?! She's not just a bitch, she's dangerous.