To feel scared about starting over?(8 Posts)
Bit of background info:
I've lived in this town for several years, and my two small children (3 & 5) have grown up here. The eldest is in a fantastic school where he's excelling. The youngest is moderate/severe ASD and after much hoop jumping we have finally got things in place so that he will be able to start at the same school in September, with all the additional support he needs. I am a single parent and my parents are my only support network, though they live an hour or so away which makes my petrol bill rather high. However, they've announced that they need to move to the other side of the country for work (a nice little seaside town in a nice part of the country.) They want us to move there too. I have no objections to moving there, as I have had nothing but trouble here (neighbours and children's centre reporting me to social services before my son was diagnosed, as he screams constantly and is always covered in bruises due to poor mobility and self harming.)
However I feel very sad that I potentially have to remove my son from a great school where he's settled, especially after they've gone through the trouble of arranging help for my other child ready for September too. He also has involvement with lots of charities and hospital specialists, so I would have to go through the stress of trying to organise all of that again. I also have no idea about trying to organise school places halfway through the year. Can you even do that? What if I can't find any places for them?
I also rent a LA house, and to move down there would mean giving up a secure lifetime tenancy to private rent. (Cannot find a swap). I've had issues with private landlords before. Although saying that, I am currently sharing a bedroom with my older child as his brother's violent behaviour and faecal smearing means he cannot share - so we could get a three bedroomed place and possibly have a garden (which we currently don't) and we wouldn't be in such a rough area like we are now.
Will everything fall into place? Is it possible to get school places at any time of the year? I'm very stressed, so appreciate any sort of guidance especially regarding school applications. TIA!
Tough one op but I think given your dc being so settled in school, especially the younger one and his fantastic support system it might be better to stay put. How much practical help do your parents provide? Will they be able to the same or even more? You might be able to find a bigger home but will both the dc find schools and support as great as they have now?
Can you assess when your parents move there? Do more research, visit the place, find out about schools and more importantly will your parents be the support that makes it worth it.
Thanks for your reply -
Staying here is not really an option when they move, as they provide my respite care and also my eldest stays with them every weekend and has a close relationship to them and rarely goes more than a couple of days without seeing them. They want us to all be close together and live by the sea so that the children have a good quality of life. The town they are moving to is somewhere we lived when I was a child, and it's a very desirable area with lots of nice village schools. I would still feel very guilty about going there though, even though there is not much here for us anymore. I think I am just more worried about the logistics of moving and organising everything!
In that case, they sound like extremely loving and supportive gps so maybe moving is the best for the kids. Start researching the area, schools, go visit, find out what support will be offered for your younger one etc. it sounds like overall they will have a better quality of life. It's lovely your parents are so involved op.
I think move. The support can be transferred. Apply to the LA for housing if you can .
I would definitely apply for Local Authority or Housing Association in the area your parents are moving to. If they are recognised as being your respite carers by Social Work that would re-inforce your need to be near them. Ask Social Work to back up your application if possible.
I know it is scary trying to pull everything together while worrying that everything is going to go wrong but it looks like a good move from what you say.
Im with the others and think you'd be best moving, def talk to LA re housing, you'd feature high on priority list in most places with need to be near family for care / support, and living by the sea must be great
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