I have another thread running about leaving and practicalities which has been hugely helpful. The other huge issue is shared care once I've left. Dc are 1 and 5.
H only really clicked yesterday that I am leaving in a fortnight and I have always said I want no money from him and we would have shared care. I think I am mainly saying both so I leave without a fight.
I can support us on my salary and I do have a leaving fund.
I have contacted a mediator and suggested we go.
He wanted me to sign a piece of paper there and then yesterday saying I will never ask for money and I will share the care. I found him frightening and said we could do it all through a mediator.
He has been abusive towards me - never the kids - but I always have my ear out at home if it's his 'turn' with our 5 yo for harsh parenting and neglectful parenting like rubbish food, unlimited time on games/ TV. He does set up a dynamic with ds of, impress me or I'm not interested, which makes me sad. I absolutely want my dc to have a good relationship with their dad and that's a big part of why it leaving- I can only think he'd be happier without me and a happier parent with them alone.
But I am worried still. He has depressive episodes which means he can barely wash himself and then needs me to do everything with our dc. He won't get help for it and won't admit it's a problem.
We have provisionally agreed he would have them 3 nights per week, sat, sun and Monday (but with me doing pick up and tea as he won't be finished work on time and my hours are more flexible, not sure what would happen about the overnight bit), and I'm worried it will be too much. Although he has been horrendous to me, I do want the best for him and I am meaning this well.
My main concerns are not only will I have enough time with my DC, especially my very young dd, but will he cope? How can I sort this so it's not a complete mess?
Any advice gratefully received.
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45 replies
Baronessvontwurzel · 17/01/2016 11:32
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