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AIBU?

DH eating habits/snoring

36 replies

Mrsw28 · 17/01/2016 10:35

So my DH and I decided that once the new year began we would cut down and make the effort to lose weight, I'm over 14 stone and he's over 18 stone. We had two weeks grace in the new year to eat all the bad food and psych ourselves up. We weighed ourselves and agreed to make an effort. I've cut down a lot, not crazy because I'm breastfeeding but I only eat breakfast lunch and dinner and have cut down on the desserts and bad choices. He has given up bread and beer but hasn't given up biscuits/snacking and instead of bread for lunch he is eating 300g or so of pasta. Last night he had a pint of orange juice with gin. I don't feel like he's making a lot of effort and I'm finding it hard going on my own. He knows this, I've told him many times before. I also feel quite betrayed that he isn't sticking to our pact.

Also, his snoring is horrendous. I'm kept awake a lot by it and I get nervous he'll wake the baby which makes me grumpy with him.

So, AIBU to think that he is being unfair and find that annoying?

OP posts:

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TattyDevine · 17/01/2016 10:45

Why not wait and see if what he does works? An 18 stone male can probably get away with doing that and still lose weight. At least wait until weigh in. You might be outraged at how much weight he loses despite these slightly less than perfect choices. Okay, so he might plateau around 16 or 15 stone but if he gets that off at least it should make a difference. He may be more motivated once he starts seeing results and cut down further. I think if you were to get involved at this stage it might cause him to rebel and discard the whole process. So, I'd say its early days...

theycallmemellojello · 17/01/2016 10:48

Sorry, you're only responsible for your own body and you can't tell him what to do with his. Maybe join a group for motivation if it seems that he won't be your weight loss buddy. With him, all you can do is encourage him to make better choices, but don't be angry with him, it really is his choice.

theycallmemellojello · 17/01/2016 10:49

Snoring - send him to the gp. But there might not be too much he can do.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 17/01/2016 10:54

Who shops? Stop buying pasta so there's none in the house.

mrsfuzzy · 17/01/2016 10:55

being over weight can make snoring worse, hope it all works out for you.

TempusEedjit · 17/01/2016 11:03

DH and I are of similar weights to both of you, DH has lost weight at around the same rate as me on around 2000 calories per day compared with my 700 a day (proper, supervised) very low calorie meal replacement plan! So wait and see how he dies before getting annoyed with him.

As for the snoring, we've personally found that refined carbs and alcohol have a big impact on whether DH snores that night. So he'll try not to go over around 100 grams of carbs a day and he'll still eat fruit, veg (lots of new potatoes), yoghurt for dessert, but he avoids bread, pasta, cakes etc.

We're only two weeks in so will reassess as and when needed.

TempusEedjit · 17/01/2016 11:04

*so wait and see how he does, not dies!

Kewcumber · 17/01/2016 11:11

If his snoring is so loud that you can hear it in another room and he's overweight it isn't beyond the realms of possibility that he has sleep apnoea. If he has any other symptoms - dozing off when sitting down, driving, having to get up in the middle of the night to wee, poor memory etc. Then try to get him to go to the GP about it.

If its straight forward snoring then alcohol won;t be helping.

knobblyknee · 17/01/2016 11:20

If you are breastfeeding and eating sensibly you will lose weight. He wont unless he starts to exercise as well as diet. So I cant see this ending well, as you are already unhappy with his weight.
Have you asked him at what point he is going to decide to stop putting on weight?

WorraLiberty · 17/01/2016 11:30

I don't feel like he's making a lot of effort and I'm finding it hard going on my own. He knows this, I've told him many times before. I also feel quite betrayed that he isn't sticking to our pact.

I think depending on another person to help you lose weight, because you find it too hard on your own, is doomed to fail.

You need to concentrate on your own weight, and let him worry about his in his own time.

There is no 'betrayal' here. Just someone who isn't quite ready to seriously start their diet.

You can't force him to be ready, and feeling 'betrayed' is only going to impact on your own efforts because if you give up, it's kind of like you have a ready made reason for it.

Katenka · 17/01/2016 12:31

Depending on him sticking to his, isn't going to work.

You are different people, sex, size etc.

My dad lost a lot of weight cutting sugar out of his coffee. Still had biscuits and the odd drink. It seems unfair but life is.

The snoring needs sorting. But all this talk about being unfair is bu.

You need to do it for you. What he eats or doesn't won't determine how much you lose or don't lose.

Mrsw28 · 17/01/2016 16:01

I mentioned the snoring because I think it's linked to his weight. He doesn't look hideously overweight and wobbly, from his bottom down he is all muscle, his arms are all muscle, he's got love handles and a bit of a belly. He's quite tall so it doesn't look terrible on him but he is overweight.

He's a postman and speed walks 8-10 miles a day, so he's exercising and I know he burns more off than I do. I still don't think this justifies a whole packet of biscuits with a cup of tea though

I do the shopping but if I don't buy something he requests he'll just go and buy it himself. I've asked him not to go to McDonald's because it's bad but also adds up to a fortune so I can't not buy him food he wants within reason.

I'm determined to lose weight for myself but it is easier with someone else cheering you on.

I did think about sleep apnoea but I'm not sure if he has it. I'll have to look up symptoms etc.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2016 16:11

With people who do a lot of exercise, BMI and weight are not as helpful. Maybe look at his hip to waist ratio and other measures. Sounds like he has less to lose and may well do it with his 'system'.

Drinking pints of booze and then snoring is less good. Not sure why he think OJ and gin is better than beer

TheCatsMeow · 17/01/2016 16:22

Why not just eat a sensible number of calories instead of giving up bread and carbs!

Mrsw28 · 17/01/2016 16:29

I did in a determined to be light hearted tone ask him "I thought you'd given up booze?" To which he replied that he'd cut down and wasn't having beer. I think I should add that he didn't really drink before so he's just swapped his 1-2 beers a week for a shot or two of gin or whatever.

We'll see how it goes I guess. Maybe if he sees me losing weight it'll spur him on to try harder.

OP posts:

Katenka · 17/01/2016 16:35

Well gin is slightly better than beer.

But you can't force him to do it so he is fair on you.

Just crack on how you are see what happens. Sleep apnoea should be investigated.

It's possible that he isn't burning as many calories as he thinks. Maybe investing in a heart rate Montitor that can give him an accurate reading may help.

There all different types polar (with a chest strap) Fitbit, farming etc

LHReturns · 17/01/2016 17:22

When my OH lost weight he went from monstrous snoring to silence. Has never snored again.

If your OH is overweight (especially weight around the neck and throat) any medical professional will send you away to deal with this before looking at other causes.

Mine eventually lost the weight to avoid the trauma of the snoring mouth guard I took him to be fitted for!!!

MiniCooperLover · 17/01/2016 18:09

300g of pasta? A serving is generally 75g.

Kewcumber · 17/01/2016 18:15

Well gin is slightly better than beer - not if you drown it in a pint of orange juice!

Calories in pint of beer about 180, calories in pint of orange juice about 220!

Kewcumber · 17/01/2016 18:17

If your OH is overweight (especially weight around the neck and throat) any medical professional will send you away to deal with this before looking at other causes.

Not if you have signs of sleep apnoea - they will treat it not send you away (though he won't like the treatment). It's life threatening, they don;t expect you to live with it even if you're massively overweight.

LHReturns · 17/01/2016 18:21

Sorry Kewcumber, of course you are right. I made the (possibly incorrect) assumption that OP's partner doesn't have SA, as it is incredibly obvious in the sufferers I've known.

Isn't treatment those big CPAP machines?! Gawd....joy.

Katenka · 17/01/2016 18:31

Calories in pint of beer about 180, calories in pint of orange juice about 220!

but depending on the Orange juice it has some nutritional value. Obviously it's a large amount, but there is no nutritional value in beer.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2016 19:20

there is no nutritional value in beer. B vitamins and potassium at the very least actually. Doesn't make it great but no worse or better than OJ and gin.

OutToGetYou · 17/01/2016 19:48

What a terrible waste of gin - he may as well have it with a slimline tonic, or ever a normal tonic, it would be fewer calories and far nicer!

If he's worried about vit C, an orange is about 60 cals.

Katenka · 17/01/2016 20:25

B vitamins and potassium at the very least actually. Doesn't make it great but no worse or better than OJ and gin.

The absorption of B Vitamins is inhibited by the alcohol.

It's relatively small amounts of potassium and contributes to dehydration. Which can lead to over eating.

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