My noise nuisance children

[Lucylongcat]

I've apparently been reported to the council for having overly noisy children. I live in the middle of a row of terraced houses on a council estate. The family next door to me moved in three months ago. They have a 9 month old, we have a 4 and 6 year old. I know it's that side that reported me, as the other side is my friend who I share childcare and school runs with (and whose kids can definitely give mine a run for their money on the noise front).

Do we make noise? Yep, absolutely. My four year old can scream for an eternity for such easily solvable reasons as wanting a plaster at midnight or needing to wear the owl hat currently in the washing machine or not wanting to go and pick her sister up from school. We can go weeks without a tantrum and she has improved no end over the past six months, but when she's feeling sick, we can have one a day.

The two of them are pretty well behaved, I'd say. They can play really nicely together for hours on end, but obviously they will fight over toys or the other one playing some game incorrectly. Then there will be an outburst of shouting and my husband or I will intervene and it will settle back down.

Obviously, our neighbours think we have those new fangled one way walls, because we clearly cannot hear their little cutie screaming from dusk till dawn. I just didn't realise that their child's noise is unavoidable, whereas mine is clearly the result of inadequate parenting.

AIBU to wish upon them the most demented hell raiser possible when the terrible twos kick in? And to hope they get a family with teenagers on the other side so that they can hear what a real family argument sounds like?

Incidentally, when we rang the council, they told us that everything reported sounded like normal family noise, that the letter was sent out automatically after any complaint, and that if that was all there was to the situation, they didn't think we had anything to worry about.

[Gruntfuttock]

Can you go and talk to these neighbours about it?

[RoobyTuesday]

Well to be honest they can complain all they like as the council are not going to do anything about noisy children - unless your neighbour thinks the council will force you to sedate them! I would recommend trying to speak to your neighbours as it might be that it's one particular thing that's annoying them (banging on walls or shouting first thing in the morning) and you might be able to resolve it without falling out. I think confronting them in a non aggressive manner about their concerns is the best way forward.

[Lucylongcat]

I think they should have been the ones to do that prior to making a complaint, really. I'm not going to change my behaviour as I already tell the children to be quiet when I think they're being too loud and I'm 100% certain my normal isn't far off centre, but I'm also not going to carry out some war of vengeance either. Had they come round to tell us the husband was working shifts, or the wife suffered severe migraines, etc, I'd have made compromises. As it is, I don't feel inclined to foster any kind of relationship at all.

[knobblyknee]

It might not have been them, it might have been someone else. I'd ignore it, I dont think the council will do anything.

[Lucylongcat]

Ignoring it is definitely my plan, I just wanted to invoke a mumsnet curse of karma down upon them first.

[Vaginaaa]

Not everybody feels that their neighbours are approachable when noise issues are involved. There's noisy kids and there's NOISY kids with noisy screaming mums as well. Maybe you fit more into the second category.

[Imustgodowntotheseaagain]

Does your four year old really "scream for an eternity" at midnight, or was that a figure of speech? If that happens regularly, they're within their rights to feel aggrieved.

[Gruntfuttock]

Some people would rather complain to the council than talk to the people causing the noise, if they think they would probably get a mouthful of abuse for broaching the subject. Would they? If not, I still recommend attempting to talk to them, but if you're just feeling aggressive towards them, then I agree that there's no point.

[Gobbolino6]

I often feel my neighbours might feel like this about me and I do sympathise and try my best to keep it down but there's going to be dome noise isn't there? If you're sure it's them, it's a bit of a cheek given their noise. I still wouldn't say a word though.

[pictish]

Must agree that your four year old screaming at midnight would be unacceptable. Four is old enough to understand that it's an inappropriate time of night to make such a loud noise.
I do hope you didn't mean it when you said she can scream for an 'eternity'.

Other than that yanbu.

[Shutthatdoor]

Must agree that your four year old screaming at midnight would be unacceptable. Four is old enough to understand that it's an inappropriate time of night to make such a loud noise.

I agree with this.

[AliceInUnderpants]

Would the 4 year old shut up quicker at night if you just gave them a damn plaster?

[IloveAntbuthateDec]

My friends neighbour reported friend for having a child who sings for an hour every night - 5-6pm. There are some bloody weird people out there!

[Funinthesun15]

My friends neighbour reported friend for having a child who sings for an hour every night - 5-6pm. There are some bloody weird people out there!

Bit different to someone 'screaming for eternity' because they want a plaster, at midnight

[Lucylongcat]

Five minutes is an eternity at midnight. My child has indeed screamed for two hours on one occasion, but now that I remember correctly, it wasn't because she didn't have a plaster, but a disposable hankie. I spent hours that night rocking her, soothing her, cutting up and offering vests, toilet roll, old sheets. Nothing worked. That night burned itself in my memory, but it actually happened before they moved in. I don't think my kids have screamed in the night for a long time.

However, the eldest had night terrors for a while, which went on for hours and were completely unavoidable. Fortunately, my neighbours at that time were super understanding. I've been pretty bloody understanding myself. I have no idea why their little boy cries for hours on a night, but whether it's sleep training or colic, I don't really care, because babies cry, and parents do what they can to get through the night with their sanity intact.

Vaginaa, I may well be a noisy harridan and you could get kicks from insulting strangers on the internet, but all we have to go on is the evidence of our posts, so we'll just have to form our own opinions based on the limited evidence, won't we?

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

Jeez, control your noisy kids!

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

A nine month old can't be making mch noise other than crying occasionally and is too young to know better.

A four year old screaming at midnight when they can't get their own way is not on. Children do make some noise but yours sound like a nightmare to live next door too. The fact you would only consider being quietier if neighbours work shifts says a lot, you should be considerate always.

[Vaginaaa]

I don't see how my post was insulting. I was pointing out that there are different levels of noise and perhaps you are more noisy than you realise. If you are this defensive in real life and assume everything is an insult, it is quite easy to see why they skipped approaching you and went straight down the official route.

[sugar21]

Only saving grace is Lucy The neighbours child will get older and louder.

[knobblyknee]

If I hear kids crying next door I feel sorry for them and the parents. I dont start getting tutty about it. Next door has grandkids and one is nicknamed Damien....
My old neighbours used to roll a marble across the wooden floor and bounce it off the skirting board at 1am. They stopped because of Metallica.

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

For them to have complained to the council it must be pretty bad

[Esmeismyhero]

vaginaa get in the sea