To be rude to rude people?

(45 Posts)
Cnmorgan13 Fri 15-Jan-16 18:38:57

Currently 33 weeks pregnant with my first child. I keep getting told about the unsolicited "advice" I will be getting once baby is here. Specifically strangers. AIBU to think if someone you don't know makes a comment/states opinion about said baby am I well within my rights to give my opinion right back. I'm not taking about swearing or going mental but maybe the odd comment that goes straight for the jugular grin (that I'll probably think of 2 hours after the event lol)

Cnmorgan13 Fri 15-Jan-16 18:40:57

Also interested in any good zingers you have used to commit to memory for future reference

witsender Fri 15-Jan-16 18:43:27

Smile and nod. I rarely engaged on the odd occasion anyone said anything, or if I did, a pensive hmmmm, or 'that's interesting.' 'I disagree' was probably the toughest I got when told inwas making a rod for my own back for carrying child in a sling.

witsender Fri 15-Jan-16 18:44:13

Most people mean well, whether we agree with them or not.

Bailey101 Fri 15-Jan-16 18:44:59

I heard a story about someone's mil giving unsolicited and unwanted advice and eventually the pregnant mother looked her straight in the eye and told her 'I don't remember shagging you and getting pregnant - unless you were part of the conception, you're not part of the parenting'.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 15-Jan-16 18:45:15

You're well with in your rights but it's much easier to smile and nod

SoupDragon Fri 15-Jan-16 18:45:41

I think you need to learn the difference between people being rude and merely showing an interest.

Moln Fri 15-Jan-16 18:47:55

I just used to say "why thank you so much. I was really hoping for some uninvited and ridiculous information from a stranger". Uninvited and ridiculous bit might change depending on what crap they'd spouted.

It tended to piss them off or stun them into silence.

JuxtapositionRecords Fri 15-Jan-16 18:49:07

What a strange thing to think about especially when it hasn't even happened yet hmm

I have never been given unwanted advice from strangers about my babies. And even if I had I would have just politely ignored it - way too busy/tired with a baby to think up a witty retort!

AliceInUnderpants Fri 15-Jan-16 18:50:44

So people are giving you unsolicited advice about people giving you unsolicited advice?

Cleensheetsandbedding Fri 15-Jan-16 18:50:55

My FIL used to insist that dd bad sleeping was due to going to bed too early. Every fucking day he would say it, Regardless what time she went to bed.

In the end I just used to start reciting the times of every nap, snd duration of sleep for the entire week.

He soon stopped 'advising'

knobblyknee Fri 15-Jan-16 18:51:30

It never bothered me, I just thought it was nice that it got complete strangers talking to each other. It made me feel safer, in a curious way, as if I had become somehow visible in a new way, and that people wanted to connect and watch out for each other.

Moln Fri 15-Jan-16 18:52:44

Though should add it didn't often need to be said. Just for the you HAVE to do this or that sorts.

Stuff like "you'll be busy", "it's definitely a girl" I just said "really!?? Who knew!!" Or "yep if you say so"

PaulAnkaTheDog Fri 15-Jan-16 18:53:03

How are they being rude?

nextusername Fri 15-Jan-16 18:55:02

Ignore and keep the moral high ground.

TrinityForce Fri 15-Jan-16 18:55:28

You'd be being ruder than they were

JuxtapositionRecords Fri 15-Jan-16 18:56:03

Seriously those sorts of comments piss you off?? It's just small talk about a baby!

JuxtapositionRecords Fri 15-Jan-16 18:56:42

^that was to moln

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 15-Jan-16 18:57:46

They're taking an interest in your pregnancy. How do you work out that they're being rude. hmm

Murphyslaw21 Fri 15-Jan-16 19:01:32

I started saying ... Thanks I'll take all the advice but might not use it.

And when people said anything negative about birth, new borns etc I said nope don't want to hear it. And once walked out off room as woman was insisting on telling her story to me.

TheCatsMeow Fri 15-Jan-16 19:10:01

YANBU I do this, but I'm quite happy with being considered opinionated so it depends if you're cool with that

usual Fri 15-Jan-16 19:12:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCatsMeow Fri 15-Jan-16 19:12:09

The ones that annoyed me were ones about my appearance. I take an interest in fashion and loads of people said "ha! That'll go once you give birth" "you won't have time to look nice anymore" and "just wait till there's sick piss and poo all over your designer clothes".

Really fucked me off and made me determined to look as stylish as possible

BeaufortBelle Fri 15-Jan-16 19:12:31

Nod, smile, agree, thank.

Why are you worrying about how you will respond nastily to people who probably have good intentions and are showing an interest in your baby?

Mostly strangers said things like "what a beautiful baby", "enjoy these days while you can, they don't last long".

There was one occasion when I was in the local shop and dd was poorly and crying constantly. I could tell an elderly lady was building up for a comment and out it came at the till "what's wrong with that baby, it got something wrong with it". Baby was my second and somehow "I don't think so, I'm just a really poor mother" rolled off my tongue. I felt very tired at that time and still felt guilty. TBF dd was a bit of a crier and I can remember someone else saying " can't you keep that baby quiet" and managing to respond "sorry, no, she cries most of the time, aren't you lucky you only have to listen to it here; I have to listen to it all the time. Ed's crying is coming back to me now (she is 17). DS's nursery teacher once announced "that baby's crying again, have you had her checked out". "Yes, she's just a miserable baby".

Literally until she was nearly four unless part I her body was touching part if mine she cried. Amazingly she swanned into nursery and reception and never once looked back.

I'm probably the old buddy in your eyes OP who will beam and say what a lively baby, it's hard work isn't it but you must be doing a good job or if your toddler melts down at the supermarket I might be the lady who asks if you're OK and would you like me to push your trolley so you can carry on.

Try not to make too many enemies - the people you scorn might help you one day.

usual Fri 15-Jan-16 19:14:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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