FIL inviting himself on holiday with us

[bellybuttonfairy]

FIL is elderly has invited himself this evening on our ski holiday. He has been before on quite a few occassions (again - self invited) as well as summer holidays! I told him last summer that we were going with friends and he could not come - as I felt this was becoming quite a habit.

He is a very nice gentleman but we take our 3 young children and stay in cramped accomodation.

He's too elderly to be any help with the children and it's even more work for me to look after another person and listen to his endless chatting

When he asked this evening and about booking dates - I just mumbled and tried to change subject. I know this is a bit wimpy but I was caught on the hop (I know 'no' is a complete sentence etc.)

DH knows how I feel about another holiday with an additional guest and started putting him off gently. However, FIL just started saying how he only has a couple of years left skiing etc.

AIBU in being strict and saying no and offending him greatly? I think our accomodation is too small to take another person comfortably (although hasn't put him off before). He does generally irritate me slightly and will expect to be catered for by me!

If anyone thinks I'm NBU - any advice on how to gently tell him no?

[NorthernRosie]

It's a no win.

It sounds awful to have him there but the guilt of saying no is awful too

Sorry....

[Sparkletastic]

Hasn't he got any friends he could go with? Or do an elderly singles trip?

[VegasIsBest]

Family holiday time is so precious. I'm afraid I'd just say that it's a family holiday and there won't be space for him this time. However your husband would love to have a weekend away with him later in the year in ....(pick somewhere he'd like and then let your husband sort it out).

[rookiemere]

I agree with arf.
Could he come to the same resort but stay in a hotel nearby so that way he can join you during the day but you're not required to cook for him or have him squeeze into a confined space?

[WipsGlitter]

He is family!! Surely with skiing you don't have to see him during the day much? Early to bed? Make him stump up for better accommodation.

[bellybuttonfairy]

It's difficult - I don't want to cause family problems. My dh will stick with my decision although he'd happily let him bunk in with us. It is his Dad and he want to look after him.

I think I'm just going to have to say 'ok'. I think I may be turning into a grumpy old woman myself

[CFSsucks]

Why isn't your DH telling him? It's his dad. YANBU. This sounds like a right pain. I'd hate to have someone constantly tagging on our family holidays.

[bellybuttonfairy]

Wipsglitter - we do have to keep a close eye on him! He's 80 and getting more doddery - he sticks to Blue runs but I'm terrified he's going to have a nasty fall!

[Hassled]

Oh just make the happy memories for your DH and DCs while you can. He's 80 and he wants to go skiing with you - how great is that? You're going to have years and years where he's not around; make the most of this time.
If the space is an issue then yes, he needs to sort something else out, and your DH needs to up his game re entertaining/caring for him, but I think you should let him come.

[Antisoc]

I think I'd leave it to you DH to decide but then make sure your DH does the catering. Its a bit irritating but if you are out skiing then it's not like you are stuck with him.

[StayWithMe]

So I take it your husband will be making cups of tea for him, ironing his clothes and generally running after him?

[StayWithMe]

Bty, you only have a few more years of your children being young and you want to enjoy being on holiday with them.

[knobblyknee]

Why in the name of sanity would an 80 year old go on a skiing holiday?!?

Its not 'no is a complete sentence', people just do it wrong. Its 'no is a complete answer, it does not require an explanation'.
That means if you say no, I'm not supposed to bug you Why, then demolish all your arguments as rubbish saying they dont count. I'm supposed to just accept no as an answer.

[MarmaladeBasedProtectionRacket]

I told him last summer that we were going with friends and he could not come - as I felt this was becoming quite a habit.

It seems like the issue is not just this specific trip, where you can probably grin and bear it for a week or so - it's the pattern of expectation that's been set up, and him feeling it's OK to keep inviting himself.

If you give in and agree to him coming on this trip, then make sure your next holiday is just you, husband and kids. I would also do your own thing during the day, ski school, ski with the kids, whatever you would do normally and don't alter your schedule to suit him. Don't be the one doing all the hosting, catering, organizing - skiing all day is exhausting, you need a break as well, it's your holiday too. If your booked accommodation is too cramped, he has to sort his own out.

If you had planned the trip with him a part of it, you might have chosen a different resort, different accommodation etc, now he's tagging along uninvited he'll have to take things as he finds them, and not expect adjustments to suit his preferences. He may be elderly, but if he's still skiing he must be in reasonable shape?

[WineSpider]

I'm amazed he can get travel insurance to ski at 80!

[bellybuttonfairy]

DH is excellent. He does do loads.

It's obviously me being a horrible cow then.

[peppersaunt]

Elderly DF invited himself sling on our Caribbean holiday. He booked his own room, took DD on long walks down the beach and babysat one night so we could dine in the "grown-up" restaurant! He died suddenly the next summer. I'm so glad we did it!

[expatinscotland]

I would be very afraid he'd fall.

[N3wYear2016]

80 and he is still skiing fantastic ! ! !

Alot of people do not have such good health at a much earlier age

Why dont you eat out then you wont have to cook or atleast eat out for a few days

I would enjoy the time together while you still can

www.chillypowder.com/

[bellybuttonfairy]

Marmalade - you are right. It's become a habit for all our holidays. I'll put my biscuit back in the packet!!!!

I don't find my holiday is a relaxing carefree affair as FIL is always there. Last summer was lovely just with me, DH and the children.

[RainOhJoy]

Hell No!
Ttlc him y want family time, want to go on different runs to him so can't babysit him, or he still wants to come, go the route of he stays seperate and doesn't expect you to wait on him.

[Charlesroi]

Hang on - he's too elderly to help with the children and do his share of the chores, but not too old to ski?
Either he doesn't go, he gets a hotel or his son does the fetching and carrying or FIL pitches in

It's your holiday too, so get DH to sort it.

[SanityClause]

Have to laugh at the idea of ironing on a ski holiday!

[peppielillyan]

So he is too old to take care of the kids, but not old enough to ski???