AIBU to be thinking about calling off the wedding over a "wedding watch?"

[watchwouldyoudo]

,e and DH are getting married this summer. we set a budget of £20000 and are so far below that budget. we agreed at the start that anything left over would be used as spending money on our honeymoon.

DH came home the other day looking very proud of himself and said that he got himself a wedding watch. Ive never heard of such a thing, and he said that because were well under our budget that he could afford to buy himself a watch for the big day. he likes his designer watched and has a case with at elast 10 on his dresser (all rolex, omega etc).

the watch he bought cost £4000! His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did and were still under budget. wed still leave us with 1000 to take on our honeymoon. I am absolutely fuming that he'd spend so much money just on himself. we had a big row and he went to sleep round his mums place (didnt even take the watch wtih him). im seriously considering calling off the wedding. how can he not see this from my point of viwe?

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

£4,000 .

I'd go fucking nuclear.

You are right to give thought OP, sorry no further advice at the moment other than tell him to take it back.

[LagunaBubbles]

Has this suddenly came as a big surprise to you OP? Do you normally have shared finances? And where has the £20,000 wedding money came from in the first place?

I cant imagine my DH ever making such a large purchase without at least discussing it with me first but then we arent the kind of people to have £4000 to spend on a watch in the first place!

[Wineandrosesagain]

Bloody hell, I would be furious too! Who on earth buys themselves a "wedding watch", never heard of such a thing. He just wanted to treat himself and add to his collection. He obviously didn't discuss it with you because he knew you would say no, so he made the unilateral decision to spend £4,000 of your joint savings - I assume this money is from your savings? In which case, absolutely not on. In your position I would tell him to take it back to the shop and get a refund. Selfish git.

[madmotherof2]

Id go fucking nuts

[tiggerkid]

we had a big row and he went to sleep round his mums place - I think this would worry me even more than the 4K watch, which is already ridiculous when bought from wedding budget without prior discussion.

[Cynara]

If you've spent a similar amount or more on your /shoes/hair etc, I can't see that you've got grounds for complaint really. It would have been nice if he'd discussed it with you first, is suppose, but how would you feel if he told you to exchange your dress for a cheaper one to leave more money for the honeymoon?

[EponasWildDaughter]

His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did

I suppose you can't fault his logic ...

This sounds as if it goes a bit deeper than this one incident though. Unless we could afford it easily DH wouldn't spend that sort of money without talking to me first.

[ijustwannadance]

4 grand is ridiculous but I can sort of see his point. You spend loads on a dress etc for one day. At least he can still use the watch after the wedding. Although I also think spending 20 grand on one day is also ridiculous so assume he can afford the posh watches.

[Wineandrosesagain]

I also think that you need to be sure that he gets the message very strongly that joint money is joint money and he can't just spend big chunks of it without discussing it - otherwise you may find yourself getting regularly pissed off throughout your marriage when he rocks up with a new motorbike/watch/camera/toy etc because he feels he 'deserves' it.

[Overrunwithlego]

Wow. That is out of order. I did save up throughout our two year engagement (at that point we still had some 'own' money) to buy my dh a breitling watch as a wedding day present which cost around 1500. But that we me saving up my money. If he had just taken it from a joint fund without any type of discussion I would be pretty angry.

[araiba]

did you tell him how much your dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost and get authorisation first?

[Babyorjob]

I can kind of see his point if your dress and all your bridal gubbins amounts to roughly the same. That's all stuff for you - he's hardly ever going to wear a wedding dress is he?

Still, £4K for a watch is excessive.

[AnnPerkins]

Presumably you were in agreement about having the dress/bridesmaids dresses/flowers/gifts etc?

To buy himself a $4000 gift without discussing it with you is unbelievably selfish and I would have a major problem with it.

[Overrunwithlego]

Btw 10 years later said watch is worth around £3k, so it as at least an 'investment'. Doesn't excuse him though!

[Antisoc]

WHAT! .

Although, to be fair, he does, sort of, have a point about the amount of money spent on you and the bridesmaids. Has he said anything about how much you are spending before getting himself is 'wedding watch'

[unimaginativename13]

My husband had a wedding watch.

Something he could wear on his wedding day. He asked as he said I had got two rings and a necklace.

It was a discussion and also not that sought of money.

I would be pissed off at the money being spent with no discussion.

Would you have said no if he had asked?

In all honestly I could see his point that the wedding say was swayed waaaaaaay more in my favour.

He didn't even have a car or anything so that was his thing.

[RubbleBubble00]

I wouldn't be getting married

[LurkingHusband]

No advice, but the OP reminded me of an Ed Byrne routine where he explains £100 invitation cards to his friends as necessary because "the wedding is currently under budget"

[watchwouldyoudo]

the 20000 came from his parents who are both retired and very well off (they said it was a way of giving him ineritence without paying tax).he took over their business when they retired, wheereas i am unemployed because he earns enough from the business and hed rather i keep the house tidty while he is away on businness. we share one joint account.

he said the watch cant be taken back as he's opened the box and worn it (only to show me how nice it was!!!!)

[MaxPepsi]

The dress is part of any wedding budget. It's a given. As are the rest of the stuff he has mentioned.

A watch, never has been and never will be a given as part of a wedding budget. New cufflinks? Yes, could be a given, a pocket watch at a push I would consider as part of the budget but a wrist watch?

He's been a twat and knows it if he's using a ffing wedding dress as justification!

[MotherofFlagons]

Just to play devil's advocate here, did the OP get an engagement ring? If so, I don't think it's wildly unreasonable for her DP to have a wedding watch. BUT, the key point here is that it wasn't discussed beforehand.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

His comment about your dress etc seem to be the crux here.

You have the £20,000 budget. I presume you sat down and allocated X amount for the dress, X amount for his suit, X amount for flowers, X amount for the cake, etc?

If he collects watches and gets a lot of enjoyment out of them, I can see why getting one to commemorate his wedding seemed like a nice idea. Typically, though, you'd expect him to discuss it with you rather than outright buy it, if they are joint savings.

How much of your budget did you expect to have left? Was he on board with the idea of using this all on your honeymoon, or does he think that there is too much?

I wouldn't call off the wedding because he bought the watch, but I'd seriously consider it on the grounds that your communication together seems poor, and he seems resentful of the money that has been spent on "your" wedding costs. That's not how it should be before you get married, you are a partnership. If he's still weighing up things into "his" and "yours", and making sure you're not short changing him, he isn't ready for that commitment. It doesn't say much about what he thinks of you, either.

[magpie17]

I can sort of see his point re. your dress etc for the wedding which is only one day, whilst he will have the watch forever. That said, I assume that the budget for your wedding stuff was agreed jointly and you were both happy with that? The watch purchase was made with no agreement or discussion and frankly, unless you are loaded, I think 4 grand on a watch is insane!!

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

You need a wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses on a wedding day, you don't need a £4000 watch, especially if you've already got a collection of Rolex and Omega at home.

[WilLiAmHerschel]

I don't think he should get to count bridesmaid dresses, shoes and gifts as those are really needed for a wedding. Also shouldn't you both have a ring? If his suit costs a lot less than your dress etc then I guess it's fair you both get the same amount to spend on yourselves but to spend 4k on a 'wedding watch' without talking it through is unreasonable. And it doesn't give out a good signal of what's ahead the marriage.