sisters relationship

(104 Posts)
Murphyslaw21 Wed 13-Jan-16 11:05:29

Me and sister have different lifestyles she is very wealthy married high powered solicitor live big detached house. Three holidays a year at least £7k per holiday (she always tell me). My hubby is builder, small house. Camping holidays. Money is tight. She has a weekly £400 food budget only food. I have £80. She has done well. But she thinks she is superior to me and we have now come to blows.

She don't get on with my hubby they tolerate each other. She charges us for Christmas dinner £25pp. She won't charge neighbours or friends. This year I decided not to go as new baby wanted first Christmas in our house. We popped over there in the afternoon to see children open presents. She has told me that because I did not go for whole day I have ruined Christmas and it can never be taken back. She has not spoken to me since.

When mum died me and hubby bought a house in the same area as her as I felt it would be good for us to be closer. Huge mistake she gets me to go out places like shopping I hate it as I don't have the spare cash. And I don't need to see her spend £100's on clothes and then lunch. I don't have money for that. But she makes me feel obliged.

We have had so many arguments that I really can't list. When I ever reply or answer back she is so insulting to me. I can honestly say I don't like her. She is a snob and very controlling I think I have had enough. Now hubby has opertunity for new job but it's going to be a relocation and i think it would be a good idea.

My friends are horrified over the way she is with me, and say I should walk away. The thing is my mum and dad are both gone. There is no aunts etc. Just us. If I walk away I'm leaving the only family I have left. I know I have hubby and baby.

Since Christmas I have added things to Facebook to try and get dialogue going. E.g posting pictures of baby. But nothing. I know she won't contact me I have to make first contact. She sent me a text Christmas evening after an awful insulting call telling me I ruined Christmas, I'm selfish and that I need to leave her alone.

I feel so alone. I moved to an area, left my friends and hubby family. I have no one here. She knows this. She has not helped me with baby. Mum helped her all the time. Things like having baby for an hour.

I'm writing this and actually thinking to myself I am such a mug. I should relocate and if she wants to visit she can.

I'm also wondering if she is on here and if so the war that will proceed.

OurBlanche Wed 13-Jan-16 11:14:15

She has told me that because I did not go for whole day I have ruined Christmas and it can never be taken back. She has not spoken to me since.

Take her at her word. Leave her to it. Your friends are right. Could you consider moving back?

If she is on here it would be interesting to hear her version of events. Maybe it would just boil down to you are very different and, if not for being sisters, would have long since parted company altogether.

If she does kick off leave her to it. She is not, in any way, the boss of you or necessary to your life. You just seem to have decided you are beholden to her for some reason. You really don't owe her a thing, not a moment, not a thought.

Make a decision to be happy.

hesterton Wed 13-Jan-16 11:17:31

How bizarre to charge you. I could understand asking you to bring a course, or drinks - but to charge you is horrible.

You are allowed to go no contact. You might be better off then - she doesn't appear to add anything positive to your life.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 13-Jan-16 11:19:20

Do not give her those picture frames.

After reading this I think you should stop any contact with her.

Do not give her those frames.<gives Murphy a friendly shoulder squeeze >

TheWitTank Wed 13-Jan-16 11:20:03

Do what she says -leave her alone. Seems like it's what you would prefer anyway, and she doesn't seem like a very nice person. Take up the relocation opportunity if you want to try a new area and move on with your life with your lovely new baby!

Murphyslaw21 Wed 13-Jan-16 11:21:43

I must admit stillsaying I'm thinking I should cut my losses. I feel such an idiot. Hubby says all the time she is manipulating you. And I'm starting to think it's true . It so sad sad

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 13-Jan-16 11:22:33

Relocating would be lovely for your family, a fresh start for your family.

Do it.

OurBlanche Wed 13-Jan-16 11:23:48

So, start packing.

2016, the year Murphy started her new life.

Enjoy smile

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 13-Jan-16 11:25:23

You're not an idiot, stop thinking that.

As I said on your other thread take back some control and live your life without worrying about her and her attitude towards you.

You aren't there for her benefit to do as she says.

Be brave, you'll feel a weight off your shoulders letting her go.

Snowsquonk Wed 13-Jan-16 11:25:36

You can't chose your family but you can chose your friends.

LurkingHusband Wed 13-Jan-16 11:25:41

She charges us for Christmas dinner £25pp

shock shock shock

DreamingOfThruxtons Wed 13-Jan-16 11:25:42

You don't choose your family. On the up side, there's no law that says you have to put up with them if they treat you like sh*t.

So, you're free to live wherever you want as there's really nothing to lose, is there? Are you going to be closer to your husband's family? If so, great. I have to say, being a builder is a brilliant profession: it's practical and makes it easy to emigrate to many other countries (for example. I may have itchy feet ).

KatharinaRosalie Wed 13-Jan-16 11:26:22

you really don't have to be in contact with people who you don't like and who treat you like shit. Even if you are related. Does not sound like you are getting anything out of this relationship.

Murphyslaw21 Wed 13-Jan-16 11:29:22

Relocating would be further away from some of his family but closer to others. Builders are great they seem to say and do what they think. The only downside is it's not a very well paying profession ( in our case) but he is really good at it. But you don't have a guaranteed monthly wage. Raided the penny jars a few times but I wouldn't change it for the world

MoMoTy Wed 13-Jan-16 11:33:56

You think of her as family but she clear doesn't, I mean who charges their own sister?? You would be very wise to relocate and distance yourself. She sounds selfish and totally self absorbed. I have a bit more than my sister and if we are out together I always make sure I spoil her or do the extra bit. She sounds nasty.

Thurlow Wed 13-Jan-16 11:38:35

Start packing now!

Personally I'd maintain the moral high ground. As you say, she's your only close family now. But by moral high ground I mean sending cards and presents to the children, maybe the odd occasional short email that gives a friendly round up of what you're all up to.

But don't concern yourself with her.

She sounds, frankly, like a bitch. I'd only main a very limited contact in order to keep that moral high ground in case she turns it around as something else to attack with. But I'd do it with no expectations more than "I like my nieces/nephews, I'll send them a little birthday present" and that's all.

dreamingofsun Wed 13-Jan-16 11:49:15

reading this thread i think you know what you ought, and want, to do. you just need to have the confidence to take that leap. just because someone is a relative it doesn't entitle them to be totally unreasonable and unpleasant.

Mrskeats Wed 13-Jan-16 13:13:27

She sounds horrible. Wealthy but charges you for Christmas dinner! Weird. I hate tightness
Move back if you can. Life is too short for all this and I don't believe in all blood is thicker stuff either

SaucyJack Wed 13-Jan-16 13:15:49

You're flogging a dead horse matey.

Murphyslaw21 Wed 13-Jan-16 13:18:49

Omg just contacted some house builders. Want 3 beds new property. Hopefully if they can do part exchange we can go.... Sooner.

LagunaBubbles Wed 13-Jan-16 13:19:54

She charges us for Christmas dinner £25pp. She won't charge neighbours or friends.

WTF? Why does she say she does this? Anyone that charges money from their family (rather than as opposed to asking them do they want to bring a dish etc) sounds like a really horrible person, and even worse doesnt charge others!

This relationship isnt healthy for you OP. Relocate and run like the wind. I realise that may be easier said than done but seriously, this relationship is so dysfunctional for you.

Murphyslaw21 Wed 13-Jan-16 13:22:16

Totally agree laguna it's making me so sad. I think it's not healthy and going to get worse

Sallyingforth Wed 13-Jan-16 13:34:09

She actually charges guests who come to her house for a meal?
That is incredible!
Cut her off at once.

Murphyslaw21 Wed 13-Jan-16 13:35:02

Sally not guests only me. I think that's the nasty but about it.

dreamingofsun Wed 13-Jan-16 13:42:58

to give a slightly different perspective - do you always go to her house for meals and she never eats at yours? perhaps she does eat at the others and therefore the cost is more shared? (even under these circumstances i wouldn't charge )

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