To think this is all too fucking hard

(28 Posts)
hippowithsuncreen Mon 11-Jan-16 22:02:01

Have name changed.

Single working Mum, children have additional needs, I have medical problems. No respite, no help, hardly any local family. No support financially or otherwise from twat of an exh. While I am struggling my arse off to provide for our kids and sitting in a freezing cold house all day with coats and hats on because I work from home mostly and can only afford the heating on when the kids are home he is providing documentation to the csa that he cannot afford to pay anything for them despite posting pictures of thirty odd quid bottles of posh alcohol or designer clothes on his social media.
I am exhausted, no one will help me, we have been waiting forever for an appointment to see camhs again.
Elderly parents, both major health issues, one terminal and I am going to be responsible for their care shortly (only child) of course I will do it, of course I care but I am already exhausted.

I am fed up of being in pain, of being cold, of sitting in these four walls because I cannot get out anywhere. There is no local support.

The children are HARD work particularly the one with additional needs who has just hit puberty where everything is suddenly a massive battle all the time. The teenager has just hurt themselves running across the room to get to the door before me when I was going to the loo?? Nothing in the flaming house works properly, the washer, the hot water heater, the fire is bloody playing up , the wind has taken the tv ariel off and the kids are driving me mad as a result and I have just had e-bloody-nough tonight and so very fed up of doing it on my own and being constantly skint despite working.

God I feel so bloody pathetic whinging when there are people in places Syria and surrounding crossing seas and risking death to get half of what I have but I am just so bloody very tired.

MaidOfStars Mon 11-Jan-16 22:09:19

I don't know how to best advise but flowers for you - you sound at the end of your tether.

Can you call him out on FB? Is that generally advisable?

monkeysox Mon 11-Jan-16 22:27:05

flowerscake
Report him to child support place. He's clearly lying. You and children deserve better.

Mmmmcake123 Mon 11-Jan-16 22:31:59

chocolate flowers keep going, you are a star xx

Salunabaluna Mon 11-Jan-16 22:32:04

I'm so sorry to hear how hard things are. You sound lovely and very caring and l wish you all the best wineflowers

ghostyslovesheep Mon 11-Jan-16 22:32:23

you are not pathetic - you sound utterly shattered xxxxx

nortonhouse Mon 11-Jan-16 22:38:21

You are amazing, and you are stronger than you think you are, just to be keeping going under these circumstances. flowers
Can you screen shot your ex's FB pix as evidence??

MyMoneyIsAllSpent Mon 11-Jan-16 22:40:54

Where are you? I am in the NE and I would come and give you a bit of respite if you are close to me.

I know how exhausting it is with children, although I had my (now Ex) DH, we had no family or help.

HappyInL0nd0n Mon 11-Jan-16 22:46:01

You sound totally exhausted and fed up, you poor thing. Get yourself a good night's rest. I'm sorry things are tough for you right now. Happier days are on the way to you.

Antisoc Mon 11-Jan-16 22:48:05

Block your ex on Facebook. There is no need to torment yourself by seeing his twattery.

AndNowItsSeven Mon 11-Jan-16 22:49:03

No yanbu flowers can I ask have you claimed dla for your dc with additional needs they do not need a diagnosis. Also possibly pip for yourself?
This would help pay for heating and any suitable clubs for your dc to give you a break.

AndNowItsSeven Mon 11-Jan-16 22:49:23

Pm me if you need help with the above.

defineme Mon 11-Jan-16 22:49:55

That sounds very hardflowers
My 13 yr asd ( mainstream school)ds gets short breaks funding which funds sunday youth group, a befriender and overnight trips with the youth group. It's very welcome respite for our family. I think cahms or paed referred us.
Can you work somewhere warm like the library or supermarket cafe?
Everything is broken, mouldy and a mess in my house...i so wish i was good at diy/could replace appliances etc etc
It will be warmer in a month or so and I have heard children get easier as they get older <prays very hard>

BoffinMum Mon 11-Jan-16 22:50:55

That is too much for anyone to have to cope with on their own. Can you get some support from any local groups/churches etc while the state is piddling about being tardy and useless??

horseygeorgie Mon 11-Jan-16 22:51:49

Nothing pathetic about you OP, quite the opposite. You sound like a very strong woman who has just been beaten down by life recently. I'm sure you with have a plethora of helpful posters along, but in the meantime I didn't want to read and run.

AdoraBell Mon 11-Jan-16 22:54:05

brew you are not pathetic at all, far from it.

Report his FB photos to whoever is dealing with your child support claim. Give them his FB details, they may be interested in checking if it's a public profile.

ManneryTowers Mon 11-Jan-16 22:55:26

You are incredible. Keep going, keep going. Google Homestart to get some help if there is one in your area. They are excellent, no means test, just help where it's needed.
Your kids love you, even if it isn't shown all the time.
Do NOT engage your ex on Facebook. Keep it via official channels. Take screen shots of any evidence but don't post or message him.
Chin up. You are doing wonderfully xxx

missymayhemsmum Mon 11-Jan-16 22:57:23

Yes it is too hard, no wonder you are at the end of your tether.
I hope your kids appreciate you and are on your team. Big hugs

ManneryTowers Mon 11-Jan-16 22:57:32

And YY to previous posters suggestion of your local church. They are there to help. Many now offer children groups, free meals and have masses of contacts and support.

ishouldcocoa Mon 11-Jan-16 22:59:52

Yy to Homestart. They could help you a lot. Check them out.

KOKO. You are a brilliant Mum. Xx

Italiangreyhound Mon 11-Jan-16 23:01:32

Sorry to hear things are so difficult.

Can you ask social services for respite care for your child who has additional needs?

Please take copies of Facebook posts and report him. If you are worried of his response can you report him anonymously? This is a genuine question. I just don't know.

Hang on in there.

BeaufortBelle Mon 11-Jan-16 23:03:53

If you are in Surrey pm me and I'll bring you all supper and wine for you on Saturday and do my best to look after the DC while you have a bubble bath with candles, magazine, wine ....... I've also got some tips for dealing with CAMHS. I found an innocent letter copied to our MP and noting I'd made an apt to see him at one of his surgeries pushed us yo the top of the list. >>>>hug<<<<

And I don't think the analogy with Syria is fair. You are grieving for the life you hoped for - grief is not to be marginalised and in your circumstances comparisons are odious.

Skzr1214 Mon 11-Jan-16 23:03:54

Print those pictures down and report him. It is so hard for mums who have medical issues themselves and YANBU in thinking yiur at the edge of it. When kids are sleeping, spend some time doing some thing that makes you happy. Like reading, a face mask or just a plain Cuppa with your feet up and while the house is warm. They will grow up and this phase? it will pass for sure. Hugs

Dollymixtureyumyum Mon 11-Jan-16 23:05:39

Hi Op
Have you ever tried to claim PIP which used to be DLA for yourself or your child. A long term health condition can be classed as a disability. You also may be entitled to an assessment to see you qualify for any aids, respite or home help.
Also Google your local disability centre and you could go to them for advice and the very least they will be able to signpost you to support groups and services that can help. If you are in the north west pm me and I can give you some details of places in that area x

peppielillyan Mon 11-Jan-16 23:25:24

www.family-action.org.uk/what-we-do/grants/
maybe that can help?

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