To expect EXDH to pick up and drop off my son from my house

(72 Posts)
TwoTooManyKidz Mon 11-Jan-16 18:04:32

Ex DH keeps arguing with me about my DS(13) saying I should drop him off at EXDH's house and he should drop him back at my house.

Apparently this is really unreasonable. Aibu?

RudeElf Mon 11-Jan-16 18:06:19

Well its fair isnt it? Splitting the journey. Why wont you?

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 11-Jan-16 18:06:44

Well that's not exactly enough to go on. No one can make a judgment with what you've said.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Mon 11-Jan-16 18:08:15

Depends on a lot of factors.

If you both drive and it's a reasonable distance it would work.

But if ex decided or you decided to move a considerable distance the one who moved so do all the pick up and drop off.

Dungandbother Mon 11-Jan-16 18:10:02

For me it depends on why you're not together.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 11-Jan-16 18:10:15

Is there a reason he has to do all the travel?

Also, is there a reason the 13 yo can't get a bus? (I appreciate that there well might be!)

PolovesTubbyCustard Mon 11-Jan-16 18:10:41

Well, as a rule I drop DS off at his dad's house.

His dad brings him back here.

Seems to have worked for us for a good number of years.

Sometimes one of us can't do the our share of the journey so then we make other arrangements.

Fourormore Mon 11-Jan-16 18:10:53

How far is it and who moved away?

Based on what you've posted so far it sounds entirely reasonable.

PolovesTubbyCustard Mon 11-Jan-16 18:12:15

From experience it does work better if the child is getting delivered to the other parent's house- rather than getting picked up.

If getting picked up then it's up to the other parent to ensure the DC is ready on time. Then if the parent picking up is late or early it gets awkward and rushed.

kennyp Mon 11-Jan-16 18:18:36

i don't drop mine off there or pick them up from his. cirumstances i guess. plus it's still relatively early days (less than 6 months) since he moved out so i'm not ready (emotionally) to see where he lives.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Mon 11-Jan-16 18:19:19

Seems fair, it doesnt matter the reason for the split travel should be shared.

The only exception being where one party moved some distance after the split and therefore should do the travelling.

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 11-Jan-16 18:20:27

Sounds fair to me, why does he have to do all the travelling?

FunkyPeacock Mon 11-Jan-16 18:21:25

Impossible to say if YABU or not from the info in your OP

His request does sound reasonable though assuming you both drive

lunar1 Mon 11-Jan-16 18:22:35

How far is it and who moved?

D0ntLookD0wn Mon 11-Jan-16 18:24:43

Why is it you object?

MissBattleaxe Mon 11-Jan-16 18:29:33

If your ex has moved hundreds of miles away from his son, then he is being unreasonable. If he's a few miles away, 50/50 driving seems reasonable. The visits are for your son, so you're helping him, not your ex.

Blue14 Mon 11-Jan-16 18:34:31

it is generally better for the child if the person they are with takes them physically to the next person, so you take him to your ex DH, and ex DH brings him back.

Sunbeam1112 Mon 11-Jan-16 18:37:01

I disagree with it been better for the child. My ex collects and drops DS off no issues at all with my DS.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1frenchfoodie Mon 11-Jan-16 18:42:12

Splitting the travel sounds fair. If the distance is the problem could you meet halfway?

HackAttack Mon 11-Jan-16 18:42:46

What's the bet no matter what we post you will suddenly actually drip feed some context, explain the situation so people can actually answer ffs.

itsmine Mon 11-Jan-16 18:42:47

Agree with most pp, its for your dc. Surely one drops and the other collects.
No idea why some rps think the nrp should do all transport.
Unless back story involving nrp moving 100miles away.

itsmine Mon 11-Jan-16 18:44:42

*or one drops off and the other returns even

Bonkerz Mon 11-Jan-16 18:45:36

My dsd lives an hour away. We used to go collect and return every weekend (13 years ago) but we started meeting half way and it works fine for us. Our own DCs think Dsd lives at the pub ;0)

Fairs fair

Teacakequeen Mon 11-Jan-16 18:53:07

I always thought it was the responsibility of the non-resident parent to collect tge child for access and return them.

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