To think it's ludicrous to expect to be a guest at someone's house 3 days before they move.

[PiperChapstick]

My DM - who is rather difficult at the best of times - is moving back to my home town from where she used to live. She's not in her new house until 2nd February. I assumed she'd stay with her dad (my grandad, obvs) - who also lives in hometown 2 miles from me -before she moves in to new place.

ME, DH and DD are moving house on Monday (yippee!). Mum was supposed to arrive the day we move, and I assumed she'd stay at Grandad's (and not ours) in the meantime for the following reasons -

1. Our house will be bedlam for a little while what with the move
   
2. We don't actually have a spare room
   
3. Grandad does have a spare room with a comfy bed (mum has back problems, can't remember the word but this is a special back problem bed)
   
4. I thought we'd enjoy our first bought home as a family without my mum having to live in the living room for 2 weeks and wanting to know our every move.
   

Today she has said she's actually coming back on Friday - 3 days before we move - and wants to stay with us. I told her it's really not convenient as everything will be boxed/packed/plastic stuff over it and there'd be nowhere for her to sleep. Even we're dismantling the bed and dining table on Saturday and will be sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

She doesn't want to stay at Grandad's at all before 2nd February. They get on very well but he fusses over her and she doesn't like it. Her reason for not staying is "What would I want to live with my parent for 2 weeks for?!".

I've told her she can't stay at ours on Friday as with a toddler and a boxed up house it's just not fit for having a guest. She's in a sulk and is saying if I don't let her stay, and don't let her stay for the 2 weeks in our new house, she's going to a B&B which will "drain her of all her money".



AIBU or is she?

[honeysucklejasmine]

YANBU. I love her reason for not staying with her father... How did you not just laugh?

[ChristmasCabbage]

She is being VVV unreasonable. Just tell her you've dismantled the bed so unless she wants to (a) make a nest out of kitchen roll and straw on the floor and (b) help at all times with cleaning, tidying, packing, making tea, then she can fuck off.

[glenthebattleostrich]

She doesn't want to live with a parent but you are expected to? Tell her premier inns are only £29 a night

[coconutpie]

Wow she is being SO unreasonable here! You do not need guests in the middle of a house move.

[lighteningirl]

Yanbu my in-laws came over from Spain for a three week visit coinciding with us moving house they were supposed to stay at dsil but it was too chaotic for them so dh spent seven hours on a round trip to collect them two days before we moved. I insisted they went in a b and b for the last night as packing company had selfishly packed everything but our bed. Mil cancelled the breakfast and rang dh to be collected at seven in the morning so she could help get in the way annoy everyone prevent me saying goodbye to my dc childhood home and expect me to look after senile Fil how we laugh about it now hide in the shed drinking wine

[ThomasRichard]

YANBU she has a perfectly viable alternative which she is choosing not to use.

[icanteven]

She is being completely and utterly unreasonable. Don't back down. She knows perfectly well that she's being ridiculous.

[diddl]

Can't she do a week with her dad & then a week with you if you are organised enough then?

If it has to be all or nothing then tell her-it's nothing!

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Of course she is being very U, and a hypocrite with massive cognitive dissonance about 2 parallel adult child living with a parent for 2 weeks options!

[OnlyLovers]

Really all you need to say is fine mum, if you dont want to stay with grandad then a b and b it is.

I agree with this. Don't argue or get sucked in.

[yorkshapudding]

She's being ridiculous. There's no way you can realistically be expected to entertain guests in the middle of moving house and she has another option so to try to foist herself on you at such an inconvenient time is really rude. Don't back down. If she wants to spend money on a B&B that's her lookout, nobody is forcing her.

[OTheHugeManatee]

LOL at her not wanting to live with a parent for two weeks.

What does she think her coming to stay with you looks like from your point of view?

[Osolea]

Let her 'drain all her money'. That would be her choice, nothing to do with you.

[Hissy]

Agree, let her sort out her own accommodation, you have more than enough on your plate.

Good for you for saying no!

[expatinscotland]

Don't get sucked in. YANBU. No compromises or 'can you get organised and she's stays with you one week'?

Just NO.

She wants to go to a B&B that is her lookout.

You can't host her. She can stay with her dad or stump up for a B&B.

[JenEric]

YADNBU don't back down. She has two alternatives. She can use them.

[Cachareltastic]

I am having this, move at weekend, entire house and white goods and family moving but my friend wants to come and hang out with us on Monday. They just don't get it.

Stick to your guns, be firm.

I told my friend that she can come over but will be given a job to do, cant stay overnight as we have no spare bed, she announced at weekend that she is "turning Vegan" I have said that I have no capacity to cook specially for her and that she needs to be gone by 10pm as we have to be up on Tuesday morning and that there is no spare bed for her to stay on. I wish that I had put her off completely tbh.

[mintoil]

YANBU - just say, OK, if you would rather use a b&b that's up to you - your choice.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

My mother came to stay with us the day after we moved house, for a couple of nights on her way to Orkney for a holiday, and for another three nights a week later, on her way home from Orkney.

It added so much extra fun and sparkle to an already joyous experience!

YA SOO NBU!! She is a grown up who can stay with her dad or in a B&B - you are hardly turning her away, barefoot, in a blizzard.

[Hihohoho1]

Sounds like she's been spoilt by fussing granddad. Just say no. Ridiculous.

And catchare tell your friends it's just impossible and put her off.

[whois]

Just say NO!

Its not a case of her not having anywhere else to go, she has a perfectly good bed and room at her dads!

She is being really silly thinking she will come to you when you are moving house. .

[JellyBabiesSaveLives]

Laugh at her and say "don't be so silly", and do not back down

[PiperChapstick]

Thanks all. I'm pleased IANBU but my DM has these bizarre social powers that makes me think everything I do involving her is wholly unreasonable.

She also has a smelly dog with her. Now I like dogs, but I don't want my new home to start with hairs and stink everywhere! Last time she came up with the dog, we hoovered up hair so much that from then on the Hoover stank of dog every time we used it. Had to go in the bin in the end