To want to sit and cry even though it won't change a thing?

(9 Posts)
chinchiii Sun 10-Jan-16 21:49:59

I haven't posted on Mumsnet in a very long time although I'm a frequent lurker. I couldn't think of a better place that I could share my feelings. I'm not even sure that AIBU is the right category so sorry in advance.

I am a Mum to three children DS 8 and DDs 7 and 5. I have no surviving family and my inlaws are in Turkey so that pretty much leaves me with DH and a few friends from school.

DH and I are self employed running our own coffee shop. He gave me quite a lot of time off over the Christmas period which meant a lot of time with the kids. We have recently moved house and so money is tight, along with the fact that we don't live near any facilities and with only one car and DH at work, we spent a lot of time at home, which slowly but surely made me start climbing the walls.

Kids were back at school for a day before DH flew out to see his family. I thought I would relish every moment of having my evenings to myself- still getting out and about during the day with work and school runs and coming home to enjoy trashy TV, but the past few days, I have been an emotional wreck.

I am trying to keep on top of a business, a home and three kids and I am drained. I'm not physically tired, but emotionally worn out. I have never felt as lonely as what I have done today. I would give anything to have my Mum or someone close at the other end of the phone when I needed to offload. A door that I could knock on to go for a cuppa, and more than anything, I miss my old mojo.

I couldn't ask for a more beautiful home, a more loving husband who I do not begrudge going away because he wanted to see his family after nearly a year. Im usually such an energetic person with always some project or another on the go. These days, I have the most crap concentration span going, any money coming in going towards paying the debts we created by moving home etc. I am due to start an evening college course this week and the girl who works in our coffee shop is looking after the kids for a couple of hours, but I don't even have the enthusiasm for that anymore.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. I guess I just realised this evening when I wanted to offload, that I have nobody. No parents, no siblings, no aunties and not even a friend I would feel comfortable enough with opening up to. I have lost all interest in running which I used to look forward so much to. DH will be home in around 10 days and I realise just how much I miss him. He is really not just my husband, but my friend and soul mate. Right now, I feel nothing but numb.

CaptainCrunch Sun 10-Jan-16 21:55:22

No wonder you feel drained, that's a lot of responsibility. At least you have a loving relationship with your dh. Don't know what to advise but yanbu and I hope things get better soon.

chinchiii Sun 10-Jan-16 22:13:27

Thankyou smile

redexpat Sun 10-Jan-16 22:20:12

well the positive part jumps off the screen - you miss your dh because he is wonderful. So this is a temporary blip. It will get better.

chinchiii Sun 10-Jan-16 22:28:13

Thank you redexpat.

I guess it's times like this that I realise how much I've taken him for granted.

I just want to find the old mojo in me, and soon. My kids don't deserve a weepy Mummy- none of this is their fault. They just fail to understand that there's three of them and only one of me smile

cocochanel21 Sun 10-Jan-16 22:51:51

Hope ur feeling better soon. Sometimes it's good to have a cry. Take care.

3littlefrogs Sun 10-Jan-16 22:58:25

Maybe there cold be a mumsnet invasion of your coffee shop?

If you anywhere in North London I will come, and bring my friend along.

Not suggesting you give details on here, but a rough idea of where you are might make it easier for anyone local to pm you.

Hang in there. I am sure you will make friends when you start your course.

chinchiii Mon 11-Jan-16 08:26:39

I'm Leeds grinmaybe discount on bulk buy train tickets?!

Katenka Mon 11-Jan-16 08:59:48

In the centre?

Honestly, I have been there.

Dh and I ran a restaurant and I remember feeling just like you. And I had my mum and dad.

I don't have advice apart from look at positives there are.

I am still self employed and work from home with DH. The pressure is immense. But I remind myself about the fact that I can work around the kids, be at home when they are ill etc.

Basically all the negatives of working employed have gone. I have to grab on that some days thanks

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