AIBU to think woman in soft play was rude and unhelpful

[fassbendersmistress]

Sorry...it's a bit long...(and about soft play to boot.

Put money in air hockey machine to play with DS (3) and Dsis. 4 boys, about 2/3 yrs older than DS came over and tried to grab the equipment. I said, in a really friendly way, we had paid our money and DS was playing. They hung around the table trying to grab the puck and demanding a turn, shouting it wasn't fair...I told them if they wanted to play they could go ask their mums. They kept reaching onto the table. I told them several times to be careful/watch their fingers etc...no drama, just a bit annoying but par for the course in soft play. So at one point when they all had their hands in front of Dsis trying to grab the puck, yet again holding up the game, I said to her just to play on and if they got their hands caught they got their hands caught. Bear in mind they'd been asked very nicely many times to move hands and this was a VERY gentle game - puck travelling at snail pace! She was not about to smash it into their fingers.

At this point a woman appeared beside me and gave me a filthy look. She moved next to the boys who were still reaching and grabbing but didn't stop them, just continued to stare me out. So I asked her why the look. She told me I couldn't speak like that to the children. I explained I had only asked children politely to take their hands off the table (it would have been obvious to anyone watching they were really disrupting the game but we weren't actually making any big fuss about this). She told me that one of the boys had SN and that I was a disgrace. She said she wasn't his parent but that she knew him and I was totally out of order to say that Dsis should play on and that 'the boy could get his hands caught'. She just kept saying 'he has SN FGS'....that I had 'no idea'. This all took place over 5 minutes. At no point did any other adult approach the kids. She didn't attempt to get the parent of the child with SN. For what was left of our game, she stood by the table giving me filthy looks, allowing the children she apparently knew and at least one of whom was hers, to continue grabbing away. When the game finished outraged woman went and got a hug from her friend.

Now, I accept that I probably shouldn't have said the comment about them getting their fingers caught out loud...(it wasn't actually said to or overheard by any of the children)...but AIBU to think she totally overreacted to that? Common sense would have told her there was no actual threat to little fingers being deliberately bashed by an adult.

And AIBU to think that her telling me the child had SN made no difference to the situation because the whole time I continued to just talk to all the children in a friendly way. I was tolerating their behaviour the whole time just trying to manage it so DS could have something of a game. Knowing one of the children had SN wasn't going to change my approach of continue to tell them to stand back, let us play and watch their hands for the 5 mins or so the game lasted. Surely it's better to get the parent involved who knows their child and how to help them if they're in a disruptive situation?

[AliceInUnderpants]

SN makes no difference to the situation, she was using it as an 'excuse'. People forget they need to parent their children in these places.
I'd have said exactly the same as you.

[coldoutside55]

In my experience as soon as a child has sn any behaviour is condoned and we are all to just accept it.

Yanbu. If she was standing there she should have asked them to stop and if they didn't move their hand away take them away so you could play the game you paid for then once finished paid for the child to then have a go.

[Idefix]

Yanbu, wondering these children belong to the same group who were in Lyme park cafe thread they were stopping you and your family from playing. Having SN is not a reason to do whatever you like, at least in our house it isn't.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Ooooh, this makes me mad. YANBU.

[Sirzy]

Ds has SN which is why I watch him like a hawk if we have to go to a soft play place.

Whoever was with him should have been aware of what was happening and worked to remove him from the situation as calmly as possible until his turn

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yanbu.

SN isn't some code for "do Wtf you like and anyone who complains is in the wrong"

if a child is potentially going to hurt themselves then remove them from the situation.

[SweetieDrops]

So at one point when they all had their hands in front of Dsis trying to grab the puck, yet again holding up the game, I said to her just to play on and if they got their hands caught they got their hands caught

You've got more patience than me, I'd have told them in no uncertain terms to bugger off at that point. People who let their children make a nuisance of themselves while sitting on their arse boil my piss.

[BillBrysonsBeard]

YANBU at all, she's obviously taught her children they can have what they like, when they like. You sound very patient! Why are people so difficult!?

[PennyHasNoSurname]

YANBU. Same as when kids try and climb up the slide my LO is trying to slide down. If they dont move after a polite request then I just say to dd "just slide down if they get bumped its their fault"

[WorraLiberty]

YANBU. You did nothing wrong.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yanbu at all, what the cheek of her . SN is a reason for the behaviour, not an excuse, not to parent fgs! Makes me so angry, that incompetent parents trot out this line. Yes my dd 8 has ASD, Dev delays and learning difficulties. Yes I keep close to her, and intervene if her behaviour is not good. I take her home if it becomes difficult. I would have told the woman to be a parent take responsibility and do something about the child's behaviour, and buzz off!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

knowing one of the children had SN wasn't going to change my approach of continue to tell them to stand back, let us play and watch their hands for the 5 mins or so the game lasted.

No way could my DD follow any of these instructions. Her hands would have stated there and been hurt.

Still its not like SN might affect understanding is it. Make no allowances at all.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yes I would have told them to go away sooner, and when the woman came, I would have told her to blooming take the kids away if she knows them, to their mum. If they have SN, where the hell is the parent!! This woman wasen't their mother.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Yes how dare the parent of the child with SN take their eye off the ball for a few minutes. Shame on them. They are meant to be superhuman.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Fanjo then you would have been near, and intervened and took your dc away, if you saw them disrupting somebodies game.

[CombineBananaFister]

YANBU - you asked nicely repeatedly and were ignored. There's a difference between having a reason for certain behaviour, then using it as an excuse.

This is why people become very unsympathetic IMO - kids are going to behave badly sometimes and for some there will be underlying reasons as to why they are doing it but then seeing that behaviour as an adult and not dealing with it, for me, just doesn't wash.

I suppose she only caught the last bit and thought you were a bit mean but to stand there and watch them misbehave is helping no-one, least of all those children who need a bit of guidance as to what's acceptable.

[fassbendersmistress]

Feel a bit relieved thanks. I was going with my instincts at the time but was genuinely worried afterwards that I'd somehow caused upset.

DSis hasn't got kids and stood quietly gobsmacked throughout, but we've both spent a lot of time with our Dnephew who is autistic and know that we wouldn't have let him (or my DS) carry on disrupting someone else's game.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Yes of course.

Or I might have been at the toilet. Or something. Or taking a minute from being superhuman.

[SweetieDrops]

No way could my DD follow any of these instructions. Her hands would have stated there and been hurt

So I'm assuming you'd have parented her and taken her away from the table so she didn't get hurt and the OPs child could enjoy his game in peace, unlike the woman in question?

[AliceInUnderpants]

No way could my DD follow any of these instructions. Her hands would have stated there and been hurt.

Still its not like SN might affect understanding is it. Make no allowances at all. hmm

No, I'd imagine that's why you'd keep a better eye on a DC with SN and not just let them please themselves?

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Fanjo, only one of the 4 kids had SN, yet they were all doing it. Points to "poor / entitled parenting" in my book.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Fanjo the mother was nowhere to be seen, if she was she would have been near her dc. I am sorry, but even you can get shoddy parents of children with SN, like you can NT! It sounds as though this lasted sometime, it wasent just a few miniutes, so where was the child's parents!

[AliceInUnderpants]

X-post

[SweetieDrops]

The woman wasn't at the toilet or something though, she was watching it happen.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Maybe the boy wouldn't have let the other woman take him away.

Maybe she knew that. Very possible indeed.

Maybe that's why she was upset when she told you the boy had SN and wouldn't stop and you didn't make any allowances.