to be told you look young...

(33 Posts)
howiloveanicecupoftea Fri 08-Jan-16 10:49:45

...is not always a compliment?
I get it regularly but pretty sure it's not always said in a "nice" way...

InTheBox Fri 08-Jan-16 10:53:06

I agree with you it depends on context. It can be used as a put down but on the flip side I'm a firm believer in someone can't make you feel bad about yourself without your (tacit) acceptance.

Helloitsme90 Fri 08-Jan-16 11:02:07

Urghhhh I hate it. So patronising. I'm 27 and have 2 kids and get told I look like a teenager.... Cheers for that.

Helloitsme90 Fri 08-Jan-16 11:03:02

Sorry 25 even

LivingInMidnight Fri 08-Jan-16 11:12:26

Sometimes it does come across like they're saying I've not aged as I've had such an easy life. I haven't! Been ill since teenage years for one thing.

ItsMeImHere Fri 08-Jan-16 11:12:49

I hate this!
I get it all the time:
"Wow, are those kids yours?"
"What's the secret, wish I could look like a teen again..."
"You can't be 32! No honestly, you are lying!"
"Is that man your dad?" no its my fucking husband, that's why I called him 'babe'
"Are you alone?! Oh sorry I thought you three were siblings, left in store"

It gets so bad, and recently I have made two formal complaints about staff in stores who think they are somehow the first to miraculously notice that I look young.
One said that my son must be adopted because I don't look old enough to have an 8 year old (serious worry and anxiety from ds who now wonders if he IS in fact adopted) and one told me I must have 'started young' because I looked no older than 16!

I am soooooo unbelievably fed up with it. It is wearing me down, makes me so self conscious and worried about what people are thinking. It is depleting my self confidence and my esteem is rock bottom. In fact I barely leave the house with my dc at weekends fearing someone will remark.

I get it! I look fucking young, it is as much of a compliment as me telling you that you look old. Why on Earth do people think that I would enjoy their contributions?!

I don't know what to do, it winds me up, so no, YADNBU at all.

flowers

TheWildRumpyPumpus Fri 08-Jan-16 11:15:11

I was asked for ID by the Ocado delivery lady before Christmas before she would hand over my booze order. I laughed thinking she was joking but realised she was serious after an awkward pause at the front door! She actually looked shocked to discover that I'm 35.

It does have its benefits though, I had a chugger come to the door the other day and ask if my Mum was in, I gleefully said 'NO!' and bundled DS2 out of sight whilst slamming the door.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Fri 08-Jan-16 11:17:12

I'm early forties, I'm told I look mid thirties.

I don't see any harm in that.

<not sure if that's a boast or publically admitting to being a bit gullible>

ItsMeImHere Fri 08-Jan-16 11:20:30

One of the most common things people say after hearing my true age is "You'll love it when you're 40." Uhm... I probably won't because its not that far away and people have been saying the same for years!

TheSecondViola Fri 08-Jan-16 11:23:04

Some of you could have a fight in an empty room. It's just small talk, and its a compliment. Get over yourselves.

ItsMeImHere Fri 08-Jan-16 11:26:27

Milk I think there is a difference between what I get and saying someone looks "good for their age". I probably wouldn't get so het up about it, but it affects my children and I find some of the implications (let alone the glaring rudenesses) quite insulting.

I guess its deemed a generally wished for attribute, the same as being slender. Which is why no one sees any harm in saying "Gosh you're skinny, looks like you need to eat!" and yet is considered bloody rude to say "You look fat, have you considered eating less?"

TheChippendenSpook Fri 08-Jan-16 11:26:45

People can say it in a patronising way though. Recently somebody who I had only just met told me I look about 12 and laughed because of it. Then when somebody else came into the room they said ' doesn't she look about 12?' to the other person and wouldn't stop going on about how young I look.

So there are some times when it not meant as a compliment.

sellisx Fri 08-Jan-16 11:27:13

I'm 22, I get told I look 14. My boyfriend has had the police phoned on him because neighbours thought he was a pervert!
Two years ago I tried to buy the DVD bridesmaids and got asked for ID for it 😂
I've also got the comments "you're such a good sister taking your little brother out" "you're a well mannered child" why do people just assume

sellisx Fri 08-Jan-16 11:29:11

Also answered the door to different charity people and get the "oh sorry is your mum or dad in"

Artandco Fri 08-Jan-16 11:32:29

Yep. Usually get, ' you can't possible have two school age children'. When people knock they ask if my parents are home. I'm 30.
Dh also was asked if he's planning on going to uni after school, he's 32 and left university over 10 years ago!

duckyneedsaclean Fri 08-Jan-16 11:39:37

I try to take it as a compliment.

It is annoying though, getting asked for ID in sainsburys when I have two children screaming 'muuuummmm' (one in school uniform) and have am clearly buying a weekly shop which happened to include a bottle of wine.

They usually raise their eyebrows and say something along the lines of "you're doing well".

PeppasNanna Fri 08-Jan-16 11:49:49

I wish I still had this problem. Until my late 30's I looked years younger then I was...

Now in my 40's 4dc & 2dc with SN I look like an old bag!

Stop moaning & enjoy looking young as it won't always be a problem! shock

hellsbellsmelons Fri 08-Jan-16 11:53:51

Sometimes it's just taking the piss.
I'm nearing 50 and I know I look young for my age but some people say stupid ages that just actually make it quite insulting.

Dollymixtureyumyum Fri 08-Jan-16 12:13:06

I got asked how old I was and what qualifications I had to do my job as I only look about 18. I was 29 at the time and he got a gobfull

FlowersAndShit Fri 08-Jan-16 12:16:00

I'm 25 but look reallllly young. It's so embarassing because people automatically treat you like a child.

CatsRule Fri 08-Jan-16 12:44:32

Looking young is nice but when you get treated differently because of it is another thing.

Before i got to know my work colleagues they all thought I was mid 20's max and treated me like an office junior. One woman nearly fell off her seat when she found out my age. It's a reflection on them not me! See the person not the age shouldn't just relate to older people.

ijustwannadance Fri 08-Jan-16 13:00:00

My first landlord asked if I could show people around the flat as he decided to sell when I give my notice. Opened the door to a couple who took one look at me and asked if my mum was in. I was 25.

Latest one made my day though. Delivery driver in work asked if the other woman (my boss) was my mum, because we look alike. I'm late 30's and my boss is less than 10 years older and looks young herself.

WorraLiberty Fri 08-Jan-16 13:12:41

If anyone told me I look young, I'd take it with both hands and cling on to it dearly...like forever grin

After advising them they probably shouldn't drive, or operate heavy machinery of course.

PeppermintPasty Fri 08-Jan-16 13:22:39

At the moment I get that other thing...'you look amazing!'. (By the way, I do, no stealth boasts here grin).

What they really mean is 'you look amazing... for your age', which is fairly well advanced (47).

No I don't, I just look bloody good full stop thanks.

(Been doing loads of keep fit and am toned to the max so am bigging myself up).

But seriously, I hate that 'for your age' thing. Oh do fuck off!

LaurieLemons Fri 08-Jan-16 14:14:38

I know what you mean, I am 25 and regularly told I look 16. It is annoying because people can be so patronising to teenagers.

I remember seeing my midwife for the first time and she asked if I live with my parents or on my own, because I couldn't possibly be with the dad because I look young hmm.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now