To get DH to tell MIL the truth?

(93 Posts)
Wellysocksbox Thu 07-Jan-16 11:21:21

This is awkward. And I apologise to any non-meateaters out there who might be offended at this thread, it's honestly not intended but is a genuine situation.

MIL and BIL came to our house for lunch on the day after Boxing Day (27th Dec). I was under strict instruction to give them "leftovers" from Christmas lunch and not to make a fuss over lunch. Technically, this would have been easy but MIL is a vegetarian who doesn't eat cheese nor "foreign food" ie stir frys or pasta. I know. it's her. She lives off Quorn sausages and chips and vitamin pills.

My own Dmother was staying with us over the Christmas period and on Boxing Day morning at 8.30 am she received a call telling her to move all her furniture upstairs as there was going to be a significant flood risk. By the time we'd all argued about whether to drive her back or not it was too late and the roads were closed due to the flood water. In the end, I took her home by train on 27th Dec, the same day as MIL and BIL came to lunch.

OK, here's the AIBU. I was planning on making a puff pastry tomato tart for lunch, with bits of feta cheese on one half for BIL and plain on the other half for MIL, together with a green salad. However, the York floods put me off my stride and I left the house without preparing anything, leaving DH in charge.

So, I come home later that night and DH tells me that he'd made his mum a salad sandwich and she'd polished off the sprouts and roast potatoes. I went bat shit BECAUSE I'D ALREADY TOLD HIM NOT TO GIVE HER THOSE TO EAT - the potatoes were cooked in duck fat and the sprouts were full of chestnuts and bacon. Apparently she wolfed them down.

And here's the really bad part. DH phoned MIL for their weekly chat and apparently she's now got this craving for meat and she doesn't know where it's come from - she's been veggie for 19 years and this is the first time she's ever been desperate for a bacon sandwich.

I don't know what to do - I feel guilty as it's our fault (up to a point, though) and it's definitely DH's fault for not listening to me - so should we tell her the truth or leave it as our secret and hope she gets over it? I do feel bad though, it wasn't done on purpose, but now 19 years of good work on her part is about to be unravelled.

AlpacaLypse Thu 07-Jan-16 11:24:18

This situation has come up before on MN, you did not deliberately feed a vegetarian meat. Consensus from last thread was that most vegetarians would rather not know.

PennyHasNoSurname Thu 07-Jan-16 11:24:28

(1) a salad sandwich?!

(2) more fool her if she couldnt see the bacon in the sprouts

Secondtimeround75 Thu 07-Jan-16 11:26:21

If I were in your situation I would stay out of it.
You didn't prepare the food, you weren't there when she ate it & you weren't on the phone to her.

whatdoIget Thu 07-Jan-16 11:27:25

I wouldn't tell her.
I'm surprised she couldn't taste it though, I ate a roast potato that had been cooked in lard, and it tasted really strongly of meat.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 07-Jan-16 11:30:05

as it's our fault
Fuck that - it's your DH fault for not listening to you.
If he wants to tell then that's his call.
YOU didn't do anything wrong so stay well out of it.

whatdoIget Thu 07-Jan-16 11:30:41

You know what vegetarians are like though! They're all secretly desperate for meat, hence her "wolfing it down"
I'm the same, I love the smell of bacon but deliberately don't eat it so I can feel smug and superior (not really, I can't stand it)

RatherBeRiding Thu 07-Jan-16 11:31:31

DH's mum. DH's decision. Plus DH was the one who fed her! Not your problem.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs Thu 07-Jan-16 11:33:10

She will either choose to eat meat or not.
Most veggie's get cravings now and again.

Odd that she phones your dh to tell himabout her cravings though.
So either:
- she ate it, realised what she ate and liked it anyway and is now looking for an excuse to go back to the ways of bacon
- she ate it, suspects it was meat, and is trying to guilt dh into fessing up by making up bacon cravings to make him feel guilty.

If it's the latter doez sge have a sense of humour or of histrionics?

TendonQueen Thu 07-Jan-16 11:34:21

Tell your DH it's entirely up to him how he deals with it as it's happened because of him. Don't see why you should feel guilty!

BarbarianMum Thu 07-Jan-16 11:35:39

How can you eat sprouts with bacon and not notice the bacon? Especially as a vegetarian - what did she think it was?

I think silence is golden (except that I found out recently that veggie dSiL has been under the impression for years that we unknowingly fed her son non-veggie sweets but didn't want to upset me by saying anything. We have never done this (I always check) - so better if she had raised it).

WhatdoIget - a lot of long term vegetarians might struggle to taste the flavour of meat, simply because they aren't accustomed to it & therefore don't recognise it. I had a similar scenario at university - we had a group meal, several of my friends (in halls in the first year) were veggie since infancy or babyhood. We also had 2 lovely Chinese girls who had come over to learn English. They didn't understand the concept of vegetarianism, & I realised that they had made a meat dish (it wasn't obvious to look at it). I never told my veggie friends as I knew they'd be upset.

I am surprised she ate the bacon though - unless it was cut really tiny, surely it would have been visible.

Hihohoho1 Thu 07-Jan-16 11:42:14

Good god op if my dh had done that we would be so busy pissing ourselves laughing it would have gone down in family annuals as 'that day'

Of course she must have tasted the bacon. She probably eats meat in private like my militant vegetarian sister. Seen her wolf down a bacon sandwich through the door crack.grin

Seriously she's a bloody adult and wasn't force fed.

Hope your mum is ok?

HPsauciness Thu 07-Jan-16 11:43:36

Say nothing, because it can't be undone.

Her cravings are very unlikely to be just because of some sprouts with what must have been tiny pieces of bacon in them.

Just leave it now, it's obviously a big thing for her so just leave it.

gotthemoononastick Thu 07-Jan-16 11:44:56

OP,I would let sleeping dogs lie...forever!!!

OnlyLovers Thu 07-Jan-16 11:45:10

You know what vegetarians are like though! They're all secretly desperate for meat"

What a daft thing to say.

Don't ask, don't tell, OP. I've a friend who's a vegan but, on very very rare occasions, he's been in a position of having to just eat what's available. On those occasions he just doesn't want to know if something's been cooked in animal fat or contains milk protein.

I am also wondering, though, how she couldn't tell the sprouts came with bacon. hmm

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 07-Jan-16 11:45:13

I'm a bit surprised she wouldn't have realised what the extra tastiness might be?

DH didn't remember or take in what you said beforehand so it isn't your fault. I would keep quiet and if he wants to confess that's up to him.

Boysarebackintown Thu 07-Jan-16 11:48:27

I wouldn't tell - I think this is one situation where its better to say nothing!

Wolpertinger Thu 07-Jan-16 11:51:28

Odd that as a vegetarian she didn't:

a) notice the bits of bacon in the sprouts

b) check what the roast potatoes had been cooked in

So personally, I'd keep quiet.

Wellysocksbox Thu 07-Jan-16 11:52:26

Thank you everyone, I'll keep quiet. Yes, I was surprised about the sprouts too - I'd used pre-packaged lardons so the pieces were quite big.

smalllegsorsmalleggs Good point, yes she is a bit of drama queen control freak. She made a big issue about being allergic to mayonnaise whilst simultaneously eating egg (eggs) and chips (oil and vinegar). hmm

PS, yes, I namechanged for this thread.

TheWatchersCouncil Thu 07-Jan-16 11:54:31

I'd leave it well alone. And it's certainly not your fault.

chillycurtains Thu 07-Jan-16 11:54:59

No, don't be so daft. It's best forgotten. It's nothing to do with you anyway as your DH was the person who didn't think before he served up the food. And tbh your MIL should have thought about it and checked before she ate the potatoes and of course she could taste the bacon. Loads of roast potatoes are cooked in duck fat or beef dripping. If she was really bothered then she would have checked. I suspect she has been eating stuff like that for years if she didn't even check how they were prepared. Don't worry about it at all.

goldglitter Thu 07-Jan-16 11:55:16

ignorance is bliss!

Arfarfanarf Thu 07-Jan-16 11:55:29

It's in no way your fault.

You weren't there.

If your husband knew about the duck fat then that's his fault, otherwise it's a very unfortunate accident.

re the bacon - what did she think the little brown bits were?

Do not take any responsibility for this. You were not there. You did not leave a plate of food and say 'eat this'. If anything, your husband should tell her that he made this mistake.

And she is a grown up. She can resist cravings. If she chooses to eat meat, that is her responsibility. I could just about see it being your husband's fault if she started shooting up because he'd laced her coffee with heroin but duck fat and bacon bits? ffs. She can choose to ignore any cravings. They'll disappear.

Unless in actual fact she's realised and she wants to guilt trip/give him a hard time/make him fess up?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now