To get frustrated that my friend doesn't seem to get that not everyone is well off like she is?

(86 Posts)
MagazineAddict39 Wed 06-Jan-16 13:57:00

I have known my friend since secondary school. She is fundamentally a nice person but, having married a rich man several years ago, she has become very judgemental about others and doesn't seem to get that not everyone is rich! She wasn't brought up in a poor household but they weren't wealthy either, just standard for the area in which we lived.

Obviously as she is married to a wealthy man she has a huge house with a pool, lots of luxurious holidays, a full time nanny, a personal trainer, lots of gorgeous clothes etc.

Which is great, but she is then very judgemental about those who don't have those things. For example the other day her Facebook status was along the lines of "Having children doesn't hold me back, I still travel, dress up, and do things that I want to do. No excuses for not doing these things". Well 1) she has the money for travel, and by travel she means 5 star hotels round the world, she can dress up and look great as she has posh clothes and expensive shoes and goes to a top hairdresser, plus she has the nanny full time so of course she can go off and do as she pleases.

She is also always doing statuses about how she would not wear cheap shoes, that kind of thing.

And now she is pregnant with baby #4, which as with her other 3 she is having at a private hospital. Brilliant, I don't blame her. However she is being extremely snooty about NHS hospitals saying she is glad she is having her baby at a nice place and that she would hate to be in an NHS hospital as they are full of germs and she'd have to share a bathroom with others. Which are fair points but it's not nice of her to repeatedly point these things out as obviously private antenatal and birth care is not accessible to many.

Like I said, she is a nice person, and I think she just lives in her own bubble, but I really do get frustrated about how she does not seems to think that everyone has the same circumstances as her.

Arfarfanarf Wed 06-Jan-16 14:04:08

She doesnt sound like a nice person. A nice person isnt sneery, dismissive and judgemental. Or lacking in empathy.

TheSultanofPingu Wed 06-Jan-16 14:12:10

She doesn't sound like a particularly nice person to me.

TheSecondViola Wed 06-Jan-16 14:13:29

She's not a nice person. She's a smug selfish fool.

Topseyt Wed 06-Jan-16 14:14:10

I couldn't be bothered with her.

I would counter every single one of the statuses she made for a short time and then stop bothering. Bully for her.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Wed 06-Jan-16 14:14:32

She sounds vile. I would reply to one of her sneery fb posts with ' well we can't all be lucky enough to marry a rich man, can we?'. And then drop her.

BathtimeFunkster Wed 06-Jan-16 14:15:41

Nope. Not a nice person.

A nice person wouldn't be constantly boasting about how she had access to loads of money.

Outaboutnowt Wed 06-Jan-16 14:19:19

She doesn't sound very nice.
Great for her that she can afford nice clothes, travelling and private healthcare. But obviously not everyone can. No need to judge or sneer at those less fortunate than her.

shovetheholly Wed 06-Jan-16 14:19:27

My best friend is becoming like this. I am watching her change before my eyes into someone I don't even recognise. It is all 'So-and-so is moving to [insert less posh area of London] - why would you want to live there?' or 'We are struggling to find a second home in our budget of £750k, how on earth do you manage in a £160k house' or 'I hear you actually scrub your own floors - why do you do that?'.

The best thing is that the money is all her DH's - five years ago, she was living in a council flat so she really ought to be able to remember what life for less wealthy people is like! I don't know how much of it is a person who is still nice in a bubble created by money, and how much of it is voluntary and deliberate.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Wed 06-Jan-16 14:19:46

She sounds like a wanker.

Drop her.

Twindroops Wed 06-Jan-16 14:20:06

She sounds like an arse. I am with InSpace tbh.

HeadDreamer Wed 06-Jan-16 14:21:38

I actually disagree she's not a nice person. The OP knows her for a long time. She knows deep down what her friend is like.

However because of the money she has, and also the circle she moves in, it can be entirely normal to think such things. Like the attitude with NHS.

Just look on MN. How many talk about the greatness of independent schools. How glad they are their children doesn't have to go to the state option?

Or how about council houses? The jobless?

Fairylea Wed 06-Jan-16 14:22:02

What an ignorant idiot she is. I've no time for people like that.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Wed 06-Jan-16 14:24:36

People have short memories.

I made a friend through work. She ditched the job and very quickly kept telling me I was 'boring' for working/being too tired to work.

She'd forgotten. It was weird.

MitzyLeFrouf Wed 06-Jan-16 14:25:28

You're close friends, you've know her for years. So just give it to her straight.

DuchessOfWeaseltown Wed 06-Jan-16 14:27:28

I have a friend who married a rich man and she is nothing like this. She too came from a very much less well-off b/g (in Central Europe) and had barely a penny to rub together for years before she met him.

She is well aware that she leads a very very fortunate and privileged existence (eg without the money they would probably not have been able to have a child as she needed countless rounds of IVF and had many nasty complications that were quickly alleviated because they were able to afford private healthcare) and has remained EXACTLY the same person as she was when I first knew her. All she was ever looking for was love and to be a mother, so the money is sort of immaterial to her iyswim. The man she fell in love with just happened to be rich.

What I'm getting at OP is I don't blame you for finding your friend hard work, I bloody would too. I don't think money has to change people, at least not to this extent, and it's still perfectly posisble to be aware that other people don't have it!

Grumpyoldblonde Wed 06-Jan-16 14:27:32

She may have been a lovely person but it sounds like she has become a PITA, I had a friend just the same, she changed around 4 weeks after meeting her partner (now husband) the transformation was quite breath-taking. I was happy for her that he bought her a Chanel bag, I didn't need her nagging on an on at me to get one too.

expatinscotland Wed 06-Jan-16 14:28:07

Drop her. Just drop her. Block her on FB, delete her number, block her on email.

Arfarfanarf Wed 06-Jan-16 14:29:37

She may well have been a nice person but she does not sound like she currently is one, based on the OPs description.
People who look down on others are not imo nice people.

MrsHathaway Wed 06-Jan-16 14:30:52

I don't know about nice.

She sounds unhappy and insecure. If it isn't her money then it wouldn't take much to leave her high and dry, DC or not.

Hide (unfollow) on Facebook.

expatinscotland Wed 06-Jan-16 14:33:11

Just get rid of her. Do you really need such negativity in your life?

Grapejuicerocks Wed 06-Jan-16 14:42:31

If she's a good friend you need to tell her.
But TBH nice people go out of their way not to brag about what they have, and they don't put people down by default either.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Wed 06-Jan-16 14:46:08

Isn't there a quote along the lines of,

"Some people are so poor all they have is money."?

spaceyboo Wed 06-Jan-16 14:46:34

Am going to go against the grain and say stop talking about money type things if her opinions bother you. She's still a good friend - just turn the topic around to other things.

BarbaraofSeville Wed 06-Jan-16 14:48:18

I'm not sure I believe that anyone is so thick or lacking in social awareness that they openly judge the 99% that cannot afford the lifestyle that is described in the OP.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now