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AIBU?

To think that I've made a complete mess of my life and it's probably never going to change?

65 replies

SadPatheticCow · 05/01/2016 18:47

Where do I start?

I am 33, going on 34 and I still live in the family home with my parents. I want to leave, in fact I dream of it but I'm single and I'm not even sure I'd be able to afford it on my own. Aside from this is there is the fact I've that I've never lived independently so I have no clue about budgeting, paying bills, council tax or anything like that. I wouldn't know where to start, it terrifies me and I find it so overwhelming.

That all sounds disgustingly pathetic I know, and I'm actually ashamed to put it down on here but it's the truth. I have mental health problems going back to childhood, it started with school refusal when I was eight and has developed into anxiety problems. I should say I am quite bright academically and did well when I was actually there, I also had friends and was lucky enough not to be bullied so there was no real reason for any of this but it continued right through secondary school. My parents didn't really know what to do with me, my mum is quite an emotinally distant person who has never hugged us or told us she loved us and her reaction to this was to scream and shout at me for not going to school.

So I failed my GCSE's because I was never in school, and went from dead end job to dead end job. When I was 19 I wanted to become a holiday rep, even had the application forms but my parents talked me out of it. Instead in my early 20's I went back to college, retook my exams and then applied to university. You can guess what happened next can't you? My parents talked me into applying to a Uni close to home, I did this dutifully went to a local one enjoyed it but missed out on the proper experience of Uni.

In my late 20's I had quite serious breakdown which had been building over the course of a few years. I was on AD's for a while and was unable to work, I also had counselling and was told that my family were the root cause of my problems. I couldn't work during this time.

So now fast forward to now, I have a job but it doesn't pay a lot, certainly not enough to pay rent, bills etc. I live in my family home watching my parents get older and turn into my grandparents more with each passing day. My future seems quite horribly bleak, when they die I will be fucked won't I because I'm on my own and I haven't got a clue how to look after myself? I missed it all in my formative years. Sometimes I think I should try and look for a relationship, but I'm hardly a catch am I? Almost middle aged and still living with the rents.

I don't know what to do? I say I'm going to try and change things, but I never do. So I've ruined my life havent I?

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nilbyname · 05/01/2016 18:54

You have not ruined your life! Infact- I would say almost the opposite, look at what you've achieved in spite of the difficulties placed before you!
You have friends
You went to uni
You hold down a job
That's a lot, more than many.

Big changes take time--- but you have time. Baby steps.

Could you use your degree and retrain a bit, or do some professional qualifications
Qualifications to bump up your salary and make you more employable?

Can you start saving- even just £5/week. You don't need to say what this is for. Just put it in the bank and watch it grow.

Do you have a mobile phone, a gym membership? In that sense you already know how to manage some finances.

Teach yourself something new each week-
Cook a new meal from scratch
Change the oil in you/friends car
Paint your room
Change the filter in your parents vacuum.
Ask friends to show you how to do something- see it as skill swap.