To absolutely HATE HATE staying in my in-laws´ house even though they are kind, decent people?

(192 Posts)
savebraveted Tue 05-Jan-16 14:01:15

I only do it twice a year for a couple of nights and it turns me into a horrible, huffy, critical meanie. I don't understand what happens to me. Admittedly, it is not a comfortable experience, tiny house, one bathroom for nine people, everyone shouting after bedtime while our 3 kids are trying to sleep, no space to put any of our clothes, no privacy etc.
My MIL is currently snoring in the most repulsive way sitting next to me on a small sofa and I am bored out of my wits while they all discuss their own family matters between themselves.
BUT they tend to our every need, feed us, shower the children with love and affection, the kids enjoy themselves and I don't have to wash up. Obviously part of married life is to share time with families and my DH is lovely with mine.
I turn into this horrible, snobbish person and I just ache to go home. Why the hell can´t I be more accepting and patient? I usually am in other areas of life - I just see this place as total hell....aargh.

coconutpie Tue 05-Jan-16 14:17:55

Why can't you just stay in a hotel instead? It sounds like a bit of a nightmare tbh.

JsOtherHalf Tue 05-Jan-16 14:17:56

Book a hotel nearby next time?

scarlets Tue 05-Jan-16 14:19:09

9 people in a tiny house must be hard. I'd feel claustrophobic. I'd grin and bear it though. Or.....would PiLs be terribly offended if you booked into a nearby B&B?

Epilepsyhelp Tue 05-Jan-16 14:23:07

That is odd that you can't cope for such a short amount of time, I do hope you're keeping the grinch very much on the inside! Obviously it sounds very overcrowded but I think there must be something else going on for you to have such an emotional reaction. Is there anything you could do to keep busy? Christmas jigsaw?! grin

SlaggyIsland Tue 05-Jan-16 14:25:22

Oh god OP I'm the same. Just back from ten days with my in-laws and I hated it.
They are perfectly nice people for the most part (barring a few minor issues) but I was going insane with boredom, claustrophobia and discomfort by the end of it. And I had considerably more space than you.

Griphook Tue 05-Jan-16 14:25:50

You've just to suck it up really, particularly if dh Is nice to your family and as you say there's nothing wrong with them.

BoboChic Tue 05-Jan-16 14:26:30

My DP always used to know that after 1.5 hours with his parents at their house I would go silent and start climbing the walls with boredom. After 2 hours we needed to leave.

Griphook Tue 05-Jan-16 14:26:37

That's not to say yabu, I hate visiting mine

BoboChic Tue 05-Jan-16 14:27:49

Exactly, slaggyisland. Insane with boredom and claustrophobia.

redexpat Tue 05-Jan-16 14:28:53

We stayed in a hotel close to my Mum's house at Christmas. Wow it was nice. She got a bit of space in the morning and evening, as did we. We actually enjoyed ourselves as a result! I'd recommend it to anyone.

omri Tue 05-Jan-16 14:29:01

I am the same - have to do it twice a yeAr max. They are so kind and welcoming and the kids love it but i just feel awkward and uncomfortable and dying to get home. So past 2 years we have just booked into local hotel so at least we sleep there and can have showers, breakfast and chill out on our own in the mornings.

I think it's more that I am a private person... So get itchy when I've no downtime - otherwise you have to be "on" all the time - smiley, chatty etc!

Hihohoho1 Tue 05-Jan-16 14:31:03

Book a cheap hotel op.

Why snobbish though? And I bet you snore too you just don't know it. We all do. grin

GreatBigHoo Tue 05-Jan-16 14:33:08

I get exactly the same thing when we stay with my in-laws, and I hate myself for it! Something about it just seems to turn me into a petulant teenager after about a day and a half. Definitely booking into the local Premier Inn next time.

ItsANewDayToday Tue 05-Jan-16 14:37:02

Headphones, iPad and a large glass of wine works well for me.

It sounds like they are nice enough so I think you just have to put up with it. It could be a lot, lot worse if MN threads are anything to go on.

rookiemere Tue 05-Jan-16 14:37:18

We - DH, myself and DS -9, visited DPs over the festive period and stayed for a couple of nights. They have bedrooms for all of us so no excuse not to stay.

They were very welcoming and hospitable, but man it was good to leave on the second morning even though I felt terribly guilty when DF asked why we were leaving so early.

I think it's the lack of downtime that someone else mentioned, DM is lovely but talks all the time, DF has some <ahem> out there political and racial views that become hard to ignore after a while. DS ended up hiding out in his room most of the time.

We took DS swimming as they have a great local pool and they were kind enough to look after him whilst we went Sales shopping for a bit.

To be honest I'm getting so curmudgeonly that I just hate staying in other people's houses, so YANBU.

rookiemere Tue 05-Jan-16 14:39:24

Oh and I laughed at dinner time - thought I'd have a nice glass of wine to help things flow a bit better.
They have these teeny weeny wine glasses more suited for elves or moomins and requiring at least 4 refills to reach any anesthetized state, which was impossible as then would have led to concerned looks about my alcohol intake levels.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 05-Jan-16 14:41:28

I don't like staying in other people's houses at all.

Even with ample room & not sharing a sofa with a snoring person.

I love meeting up with people (including the ILs), but I need to either go home or back to a hotel room at the end of the day.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 05-Jan-16 14:44:50

They sound like MIL's wine glasses rookiemere.

Requesting a refill often gets a comment such as "another? already?" and a concerned look.

I must add, MIL is lovely but has never liked the taste of alcohol in any form, and can't quite understand why other people do grin.

SlaggyIsland Tue 05-Jan-16 14:45:55

We have never stayed with ILs before. But we're now living in a different country to them. Normally we'd just visit for the afternoon or evening which was far more tolerable - DH knew that a poke on the leg from me meant leaving time!
I tried very hard not to take personally MIL's rant about how she's sorry for men nowadays, as women are so scary and wear the trousers.....

TheHouseOnTheLane Tue 05-Jan-16 14:48:01

I must say I wrinkled my nose a bit when you said snobbish.

You obviously think you're better than them.

KoalaDownUnder Tue 05-Jan-16 14:48:11

YANBU. I totally understand, and am exactly the same.

DadOnIce Tue 05-Jan-16 14:56:15

I am the same. Totally get what everyone has said, especially the comment about needing downtime and not being "on" all the time.

DP is completely unsympathetic, can't see the problem and expects me just to suck it up.

LastOneDancing Tue 05-Jan-16 14:59:31

I'm the same. I just can't relax at the ILs despite them being lovely and attentive.

Part of it I think is DH reverts to a sulky teen, watching sport silently while reclining on the sofa as MIL clucks around him and plays handmaiden to our toddler who gets bossier and bossier as the day goes on.

I think I feel a bit of a spare part?!

Optimist1 Tue 05-Jan-16 15:02:24

This thread reminded me of staying with my exILs - the teeny tiny wine glasses, and it was always "table wine" that was offered - what on earth is table wine???

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