To be annoyed with my nieces behaviour today

(286 Posts)
livvylongpants Fri 01-Jan-16 15:35:46

For context Me and DP between us have 6 nieces and nephews. We have given presents/money to the 4 we have seen since christmas - we will be seeing the others at some point in the next few weeks.

DN (10) asked to have money put on her osper(sp?) card. I messaged her on christmas day to say I would put money on when I get paid (self employed so awaiting on an invoice to be paid)

Anywho it now transpires the invoice will be paid on Monday, tbh I hadn't thought to mention to her when it would be as I had already told her I would do it when I got paid.

Today i got an extremely stroppy 'so guess i'm not getting a present' text from her. I text her back to tell her i would be paid on Monday and would do it then - another stroppy text saying 'ok don;t have a go, you should have done it christmas day, my sisters (half) have had their presents and I havn't'

once again i reiterated when I would do it, her siblings are younger and got physical gifts and I saw them 2 days before christmas so therefore they got theirs then (DN was at her dads) and that I felt she was being extremely rude.

i've since had a barrage of messages that her dad is not impressed with me and that effectively i'm horrible, she doesn;t want her money anymore and never wants to speak to me again. i'm unfair because she has a brain injury (supposedly)

WIBU to not give her anything after this entitled attitude, both my sister (her mother) and I are horrified that she has behaved like this and that her father condones it

MrsUniverse Fri 01-Jan-16 15:38:17

YANBU. I certainly wouldn't reward this behaviour.

gobbynorthernbird Fri 01-Jan-16 15:38:17

She's 10. And, tbh, I wouldn't be impressed at waiting that long for a gift if you managed to get them for the other family members.

NameAgeLocation Fri 01-Jan-16 15:39:49

WTF?!?

I would wait to speak to her in person; I think the texting is probably part of the problem here (hers not yours).

Did her father actually text you? If not, you can't be sure what he thinks.

If so, I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree! But I hope this is a stroppy brat moment that can be sorted out easily in person.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 01-Jan-16 15:40:09

She asked for money at 10.

Ffs, that's rude to start with. I'd give her nothing now. And I wouldn't be texting a ten year old either, ever.

GabiSolis Fri 01-Jan-16 15:40:30

Being 10 does not excuse that level of rudeness. You have already told her she will be getting the money, I would take that back now tbh. Horrid behaviour.

manicinsomniac Fri 01-Jan-16 15:41:47

I was going to say this sounds like completely bizarre and totally unacceptable behaviour from a 10 year old.

But the brain injury thing has me wondering actually. I'm in a theatre group with a lady who has a brain injury from a car accident decades ago. She is outstandingly rude. She doesn't mean to be, she's just a) totally blunt and direct b) completely honest c) talks over whoever is talking as soon as her point comes into her head d) cannot see other points of view e) will get fixated on things people have said or arrangements that have been made and go on and on and on about them.

Maybe your niece is like this which would be incredibly sad. Not that I think she should get away with it, but she would need to be spoken to gently in an attempt to make her understand why her behaviour is wrong.

MuttonDressedAsMutton Fri 01-Jan-16 15:41:58

On what planet is this behaviour ok at ANY age? It isn't. Ever. She's your brother's child? Why haven't you been straight on the phone to him?

FantasticRik Fri 01-Jan-16 15:42:15

I think her behaviour is appalling and texting you is very rude.

That said, I do think you should have put the money on her card before Christmas esp if you'd managed to pay for presents for her siblings.

livvylongpants Fri 01-Jan-16 15:42:57

LAURIE - I hate giving money as gifts, I start buying around August, hence the presents for her siblings had been long bought, however she insisted on cash.

I don;t see her much, i live on the other side of the country.

Unfortunatly her dad is well known for being incredibly grabby has played up DN medical issues to claim DLA, and free day trips and even a trip to disneyland paris

It would not surprise me for him to condone such behaviour

MoMoTy Fri 01-Jan-16 15:43:40

Wow she's a brat isn't she. You should not have even replied to her explaining your situation as she is a child and a bloody rude one at that. Don't give her the money, she doesn't deserve it. Who does she think she is having such a cheek.

Lurkedforever1 Fri 01-Jan-16 15:44:04

Agree with gobby. Yes she's being rude and stroppy. But so are you. Age 10 is old enough to understand if told in advance 'I'm skint so as you are so grown up, do you mind if I give the little ones their presents and then when I get paid on Monday the 4th give you money?'. But giving to the others without telling her when she gets hers was ill mannered and thoughtless. And being 10 explains why her response to your rudeness is ott.

Concerned97 Fri 01-Jan-16 15:44:10

Wow!!! How unbelievably rude and unreasonable!

I would stop texting and not pay a thing into her card, then the next time you see her discuss it face to face.

Quite shocking!

What is the (supposed) brain unjury?

LaurieFairyCake Fri 01-Jan-16 15:44:16

Then you can start by modelling a better adult and not giving her money or facilitating her manipulation.

If her dads like that there's no one else but you to do it.

kali110 Fri 01-Jan-16 15:44:17

Yes she can feel a bit upset st not getting her present yet but that and her age does not excuse her awful behaviour.
I wouldn't give the money now either and i'd tell her why.

rollonthesummer Fri 01-Jan-16 15:44:39

Her mum (your sister) agrees with you that her behaviour is dreadful, yes?

I'd leave it to her mum to sort out.

fedupoffeckingschool Fri 01-Jan-16 15:44:50

She's 10, siblings have had their gift, yes she's rude but give her a break

livvylongpants Fri 01-Jan-16 15:45:02

Complicated set up, she is my sisters child but lives mainly with her dad

Manic - she had meningitis when she was a little younger, her father claims she has an associated brain injury - my sister has seen no proof of this when her daughter is with her.

Creampastry Fri 01-Jan-16 15:45:32

Cheeky cow!

kali110 Fri 01-Jan-16 15:45:34

If i had said anything like that at her age my own parents would have told the relative not to give me anything.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways Fri 01-Jan-16 15:46:16

I get you are self employed, as is my DH. But Xmas is the same day every year. Surely if you have the money to buy the little ones gifts in advance, you also should of had the money put aside for your other dn.

Yes, regardless, her attitude isn't great. I guess she feels a bit put out and less important than her siblings because you budgeted for them and not her in advance. She's just throwing her toys out the pram to show this.

livvylongpants Fri 01-Jan-16 15:46:36

I havnlt replied since the barrage of messages, I am doing what I would do with my own if they are having a tantrum and not play to it

Spartak Fri 01-Jan-16 15:46:50

So her siblings have had their gifts and she was having to wait some unspecified time for you to get around to putting the money on her card? I can't imagine many children being delighted with that scenario. She's probably back to school early next week and won't have the chance to go shopping in the sales now.

Not that it excuses her rudeness though.

gandalf456 Fri 01-Jan-16 15:47:54

I think texting is out of order but she's only ten and I think my daughter, who is a year older, would struggle with getting a present later on (I wouldn't be happy with her texting, though ) when her brother didn't

Grilledaubergines Fri 01-Jan-16 15:47:57

She sounds very rude and I don't think deserves a gift. If I'm honest, perhaps it would have been better to give all gifts together (all a little late if need be) to avoid her being the only one without. But that's not the end of the world, just unfortunate.

Save your money. She sounds like she could learn a lesson, 10 years old or not. If she's old enough to be so rude, she's old enough for the consequences.

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