to feel too young for marriage & kids?

(69 Posts)
marghini Fri 01-Jan-16 14:21:51

I noticed that on Mumsnet there are many posters who are quite young (like 20-25 yo) and are married with DC.

This made me wonder if it is weird/ unreasonable of me to feel like I am too young to get married and have children.

I am 26yo and I work FT in the creative industry in London. I am in a stable long-term relationship and I definitely want to get married and have kids in a few years, but I feel like it is way to early for me now.

On top of enjoying my freedom and flexibility very much, I am putting a lot
of effort into developing my career so that (hopefully) I will be in a comfortable professional spot when I finally feel ready for kids.

None of my friends (around my age) IRL is married or have kids.

Is it immature of me to feel this way? Anyone else is in a similar spot?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Fri 01-Jan-16 14:23:37

Not immature.

You need to do whatever works for you.

smile

munkisocks Fri 01-Jan-16 14:26:00

YANBU. My sister is also furthering her career before her and boy friend settle down. Everyone is different. It's your life. I think most people are getting married and having kids later on tbh. We're the only one of our late twenties friends that have kids and only one of two couples who are married. The other 4 or 5 couples are still living together or even separate living. Only thing I can mention is fertility may go down after 30 years from what I've heard so maybe just think about that.

MatildaTheCat Fri 01-Jan-16 14:26:57

I think there may be quite marked regional differences. My ds's are a similar age and stage and only moved out a couple of years ago and just getting established. Both have long term partners but afaik no plans for marriage and settling down any time soon. The same for all their friends. We are London, too.

I was married at 23, mother at 24 and had two by 26 so am reaping the benefits now as only just 50 and free to do our own thing again.

Horses for courses. smile

MrsHooolie Fri 01-Jan-16 14:27:43

Most of my friends didn't have kids til 30 upwards and some are only just having their 1st now 38/39.
For me 31 was perfect although it was an unplanned pregnancy!
I thinks it's worth establishing a career first,and also not giving it up as it's difficult to get back into the workplace again.

expatinscotland Fri 01-Jan-16 14:33:01

Everyone is ready at different times. Some people are never ready/don't want to ever marry or have children.

nightandthelight Fri 01-Jan-16 14:34:37

It's a completely personal thing smile I was 25 and DH was 22 when we got married. Two years on and first baby due in Feb. Absolutely the right decision for us but it wouldn't be for everyone. Do what makes you happy smile

StickyToffeePuddingAndCustard Fri 01-Jan-16 14:36:14

Each to their own really.

I got married in my early twenties but only had children in my mid thirties. In retrospect, if I had my time again, I would have had the children a little earlier, maybe late twenties. But there was never 'a right time'. It was the biological aspect of 'now or never' in my thirties that made me decide, not a longing for a child so much.

My thoughts if I was advising my younger self on it all is that not when you want your first child but think about how many you want and the age when you want to have your last one, fertility permitting. You may find you have to start one the first one or two a little earlier than you'd first thought. It took 5 years to get pregnant second time around and I'd never even thought about fertility issues.

I really couldn't do babies in my forties, I'm tired enough with the two I've got, but there are lots of parents who have babies in their 40s who are doing just fine and are completely happy with that.

It is not a one size fits all thing for any of us. You can only do what works for you in your circumstances.

SevenSeconds Fri 01-Jan-16 14:36:20

I was 31 when I had my eldest DC, and I was one of the first among my friends.

SparklyTinselTits Fri 01-Jan-16 14:37:20

It's not immature at all for you to feel that way. Different people have different plans for their life. You're in a stable relationship, and have a career that I assume you love. The military career I loved was cut short due to traumatic injury.
I married my DH when I was 19 (he was 22), and I accepted that because of his career in the military, that my chances of a career would come second to his (feminazis hate me of course). I'm perfectly happy with that.
Friends that are my age think I'm nuts. They are all either working FT or at uni FT, and career is the most important thing to them. Whereas to me, there will be time later for a career.
My DH, DD and future babies are my whole world. A career of my own isn't on my list of priorities right now.

Loveleopardprint Fri 01-Jan-16 14:37:59

I am 45 and don't feel old enough! (Don't tell my husband and teenage daughters though wink)

KwickNC Fri 01-Jan-16 14:38:14

I feel too young to have a child I'm 25 and he's 3 months old but if I didn't have him this year I would never have had him.

I couldn't get married at this age but to be honest I don't want to get married! I know so many people now who are married before they're 21/22 to me it's wanting to rush everything (personal opinion)

Jesabel Fri 01-Jan-16 14:38:59

The average age for a first baby now is 28 I think, so obviously some people are ready in their teens/twenties and some not until their 30s/40s.

BendydickCuminsnatch Fri 01-Jan-16 14:39:39

Not immature! As long as you are happy that you've got your priorities sorted, all is well. Focus on yourself, don't compare yourself to others smile

Taylor22 Fri 01-Jan-16 14:41:15

Nothing wrong with how you feel.

However you're on mumsnet. A forum that will mainly attract mums. It's 2016 so a majority may be tech savvy.
That means that we're a pretty select group and not really representative.

Arfarfanarf Fri 01-Jan-16 14:41:49

Everyone is different. There's no right age to marry and have children.
It is mature to recognise that it is not the right time for you.

SkibadeeDoodle Fri 01-Jan-16 14:42:27

No, its not immature at all.

Almost all of my female friends with professional careers waited until their early-mid thirties to 'settle down' and have children.

I was 27, and it pretty much screwed my promising career in the media, if I am honest.

Jw35 Fri 01-Jan-16 14:47:18

No YANBU however times change, uni and a career often take precedence over marriage and kids, especially in certain areas where there's plenty of opportunity and good schools. There was a time when having a family was a women's first thought! I had my eldest at 23 but I didn't go to uni. I'm now 36 with a one year old and another baby on the way and studying with the OU. It's a lifestyle thing. I think having babies later is more risky though. I feel very lucky.

Notrevealingmyidentity Fri 01-Jan-16 14:47:24

I'm 28 and have no intention of doing either anytime soon. If at all. My career would be ruined for a start. I've spent years building it and I won't have it ended.

I don't know anyone in my social circle that is either.

The only people that are are the ones that left school and got pg straight away an are now on child 2/3 with whomever.

No thank you.

Enjolrass Fri 01-Jan-16 14:47:31

I got married at twenty and had dd at 22.

It was right for me. But not for everyone.

Non of my friends had kids for at least another 5 years.

It's very personal.

Jw35 Fri 01-Jan-16 14:49:41

Also my sister had a baby at 17, didn't go to uni and now has 4 children and runs 2 very successful businesses! She was amazing teenage mum and her 17 year old is just lovely smile

SmillasSenseOfSnow Fri 01-Jan-16 14:52:57

I'm not sure whether or not I want children. When I was 17-25 I was very firmly against the idea, but the last couple of years I've noticed an occasional but distinct feeling of 'maybe I'll suddenly come round to the idea after all'. I'm about to turn 28 and I've gone back to uni for the long haul (will turn 33 just after I finish IIRC) so unless I take a break to have a kid in the middle of it I've no need to even think about it for another five years or so.

I do however feel fairly ready to marry my partner and we'll probably be doing that this year. Not ready for a 'wedding', not sure I'll ever be, it feels rather weird and not my cup of tea, so no real chance of that. Maybe a trip to the town hall and a meal with the number of invitees yet to be decided.

maybebabybee Fri 01-Jan-16 14:52:57

I am 26 and we have a DC on the way.

But I wanted kids young, that was my choice. Do whatever works for you smile

bertiebow Fri 01-Jan-16 14:53:41

You're not immature. I'm about to turn 29 and recently got married. I am now starting to feel broody and would like/could cope with a child. But we currently live in a very small flat and are waiting until we have more space and my job is more stable.

At 25 I still felt too young for children, although got engaged at 26.

Now we are 29/30 a couple of friends are starting to have children, but most are not and are not married.

Letseatgrandma Fri 01-Jan-16 14:54:05

However you're on mumsnet. A forum that will mainly attract mums

Ha ha, yes-that's very true! If I was 26 and not considering having children for a long time, I probably wouldn't have been posting on a parenting forum!

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