My Grandad (80) has vascular dementia/Alzheimer's and over the last 3 years has gone rapidly downhill to the point that he doesn't recognise any of his family and regularly refers to my grandma (79) his wife of almost 60 years as 'my wife' or 'the boss' as he doesn't know her name. It's utterly heartbreaking. My grandma and grandad have 3 kids and 6 grandkids, my mum is the oldest child and she has two younger brothers. Each with 2 kids.
My mum has taken on as much of he burden with my grandad as she can baring in mind she still works full time, she has negotiated with her boss that she can use annual leave and flexi days to work a 4 day week most of the time so she can take my grandad out at least once per week to give me grandma a break. My dad drops in on them a few times a week and will help with little jobs around the house and it's always them that my Grandma calls if she needs something practical doing eg the washing machine breaks etc.
Anyway. Enough scene setting. My sister is getting married on jersey next year, we're flying on the Wednesday and coming home on the Monday, my mam and dad are driving with their caravan as they plan to go to France afterwards for their annual holiday. Because of this my mam spoke to both my uncles and basically asked them and their families to step up and help my grandma and grandad as they wanted to go and my parents would be busy with their daughter as it is her wedding. Much assurances from them that of course they'll look after their mum and dad etc
So the flights came out a couple of months ago and we booked ours asap, uncles were informed and that is when they unveiled their grand plan to drive to jersey with both of their families (8 of them) and my grandparents. In a minibus. And get the Ferry to Jersey (10 hours due to size of vehicle). Ok so maybe driving was thought out with my elderly grandparents in mind. Maybe they realised the airport might be a scary place for my grandad and they plan to drive slowly with lots of stops and get him somewhere to sleep on the ferry?
Or not. They decided to minimise time off work they would leave at around 11pm on the Thursday night, drive through the night get an early morning ferry and arrive to Jersey late on the Friday evening. Wedding on the Saturday and leave on the Sunday morning driving through as quickly as possible to get home. They knew it was a selfish plan as they openly said they were going to lie to my grandma about it and say they were going to leave earlier right up until the last minute.
I kind of intervened and said this was ridiculous and they weren't thinking of these two oaps and was shouted down. My grandma thankfully came to her own conclusion that driving was a bad idea and she is now going to fly with us. I don't mind at all and would rather help them negotiate an airport than put them through the ordeal that driving is. My mam is pretty pissed off that after asking my uncles to step up they were quite happy to make it so difficult for my grandparents that it's been left to me to sort them out.
My grandma won't have a word said against either son, apparently they are upset that they can't fly with them (like bollocks they are) and they have tried their best to help out but because of work they can't take as much time off as us.
Except what my grandma doesn't know is that now they have been relieved of their 'duty' the two sons are planning on taking separate cars and are talking about travelling on to mainland Europe following the wedding 'to make a holiday out of it'. I'm absolutely fucking livid at these selfish grown men and women in their 40's who can't consider their elderly parents at all. When asked individually why they don't want to help out more they both said the father they knew and loved is no longer there and they actually used the phrase 'my dad might as well be dead'. It's so upsetting and I'm so cross that they're still the golden boys who can do no wrong despite having to me such abhorrent views on their father. I'm so mad.
So AIBU in wanting to tell both my uncles what I think of them? I won't as sister has asked me to pipe down so as not to spoil the wedding and upset my grandma. But man. Having to listen to how great her sons are whilst my mother does so much for her is really galling.
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AIBU?
To think just this bloody once they could have stepped up?
22 replies
CalliopeTorres · 30/12/2015 14:02
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