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AIBU?

To cancel new year's eve?

82 replies

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 08:20

Obviously not to cancel new year's eve full stop, I can't exactly control time, but just to cancel our plans even though it will inconvenience others?

Our original new year's plan was to have a couple of friends over for a takeaway and a few games of Cards Against Humanity after DD goes to bed. A friend told us she had nowhere to go for new year and invited herself to stay with us. In a moment of stupidity we said sure, I didn't like the thought of anyone being alone etc.

I've made previous whiny threads and the basic gist is that as well as some kind of injury to my leg making me want to lounge in my PJs all day (I can do this with the friends we had coming over but not the one who's invited herself) as well as anxiety etc and now I don't want the friend who invited herself to come, and I would still like my other friends to come over but I know that wouldn't really be fair but they live five minutes away and wouldn't be staying, unlike this other friend who is travelling a few hours and will be staying overnight. So I have to cancel new year plans altogether really, but WIBU to do that when she has made plans to travel up to us?

Sorry I don't know if any of this makes sense, I've been up since 5am stressing about it :(

OP posts:

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ivykaty44 · 28/12/2015 08:22

Why do you want to cancel your plans?

Shirkingfromhome · 28/12/2015 08:32

Sorry but I think YABU. It's hardly a huge party you have planned. You said you hate the thought of anyone spending NY alone but you're willing to cancel at short notice because your friend will be staying over and you have a sore leg.

If I were you I'd go ahead and learn the lesson for next year. Tell your friend you have a sore leg so your hosting won't be up to much. I'm sure it will be a better night then you are currently expecting.

cozietoesie · 28/12/2015 08:33

Give her a place to stow her things and then carry on exactly as you would have done in the first instance. No need to stress - if she fits in, great. If not, there's only one of her and it's only an overnight. It should be fine.

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 08:34

Because I want to be able to just sit there in my pyjamas and I won't be able to because it would make her feel uncomfortable and there's no point inviting my friends around because we'd exclude her when we were having a catch up (haven't seen them for a few weeks due to being busy) and my anxiety is going into overdrive and she'd need to sleep in the living room, I have nightmares that wake me up around 3/4am and I'd really struggle not being able to get out of the bedroom.

OP posts:

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 08:36

There isn't really anywhere she can stow her things, and as soon as she wants to go to sleep (she goes to bed early) friends will have to go home and we'll have to go into the bedroom.

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/12/2015 08:37

Why do you want to wear your pyjamas? I don't undestand that bit. Just put some other comfortable clothes on.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 28/12/2015 08:38

It's a tough one, but I think you really only have 2 choices. Keep the plans as they are, as excluding just her wouldn't be nice, or cancel it all and make separate plans with the other friends another time. Good luck with whatever you decide.

wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 08:39

She will want to go to sleep early on new years eve
I am hardly the life and soul but even I know new Years eve means a later stay up.
From your posts it sounds like you already know what want to do anyway..... Bit short notice though in my opinion.....

Shirkingfromhome · 28/12/2015 08:40

Sorry Jorah but I don't think your friend is the issue here, sounds like you have some problems with anxiety that are being projected on to her. (Apologies if that sounds a bit arm-chair psychologist). In all honesty what is the absolute worst thing that could happen? Why would you not be able to get out of the bedroom and what does this have to do with your friend staying over? Look up catastrophising and see if this rings any bells.

LittleBearPad · 28/12/2015 08:40

Why can't she sleep in your bedroom and you sleep in the sitting room. Then she can go to bed whenever she wants to and you can stay up.

If you're having a catch up with your friends why can't she take part. Yes she won't know them but she can converse and make small talk.

I think you're overthinking this.

pasturesgreen · 28/12/2015 08:40

Why wouldn't you be able to sit there in your pj's? It's your home, they're friends, wear whatever you fancy

Hassled · 28/12/2015 08:40

Is there a Travel Lodge or B&B nearby where she could stay? It's completely fair enough to tell her that staying over isn't possible as you'll want to be up late, it being NYE and all, and that you need access to the living room in the night, but it's a bit harsh to cancel her altogether if you've said she can stay.

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 08:41

Through because a) it's my home and b) my pyjamas are my comfortable clothes.

OP posts:

Shirkingfromhome · 28/12/2015 08:41

Sorry cross-post. Your friend will just have stay up if there's no where to sleep surely?

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 28/12/2015 08:41

Y,y bedroom idea is a good one. Less moving about for you, OP, with your sore leg as well. Just make yourself a nest in the lounge and point her to your bedroom when she's ready to go to bed.

Rebecca2014 · 28/12/2015 08:42

So you don't want your friend there as you want to be in your pyjamas....

You don't sound like you like her very much so just lie and tell her your ill and still allow your other friends to come over. Hopefully she has other more loyal friends she can hang with!! Happy New year.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 28/12/2015 08:45

Can we just keep in mind the OP's anxiety when posting and not do the usual AIBU harshness? I've had anxiety in the past, it clouds your thinking, it makes you overthink every single little detail of things and irrationally worry.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/12/2015 08:45

If your other friends don't mind you being in your pyjamas, then just tell this friend that's what you'll be wearing.

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 08:47

Shirking I know my anxiety is the biggest issue but realistically I'm not going to get it sorted before New Year's Eve, and anxiety about how to kindly say "no" is the reason why I panicked and said yes in the first place :(

I wouldn't be able to get out of the bedroom because she's staying in the living room and I'd be worried about disturbing her/her feeling uncomfortable if she suddenly wakes up and finds me mid-panic attack in the living room.

LittleBear I need to sleep on the bed because of my knee (for context I subluxated my knee and don't know if it's gone all the way back in/damaged the ligament, rather than just a sore leg). Getting down onto the sofa bed isn't really possible at the moment otherwise that's what we'd do.

pastures She's DP's friend really, I've met her a couple of times (yeah I know I referred to her as "a friend" but she is technically a family friend) so I wouldn't feel comfortable being in my pyjamas with her there. She's quite "proper" iyswim.

I could suggest travelodge, thanks Hassled.

OP posts:

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 08:48

Thank you Saga. Deep down I think I know I'm being unreasonable and I'm just going to have to cope somehow (I wonder if Travelodge is an option for me instead? )

I like her, don't get me wrong, she's a nice person, but very different to us.

OP posts:

Funinthesun15 · 28/12/2015 08:48

I've had anxiety in the past, it clouds your thinking, it makes you overthink every single little detail of things and irrationally worry.

As have I first many years, however sometimes you do need to be told that what you are thinking is unfair and unreasonable.

Trufflethewuffle · 28/12/2015 08:49

Surely if she said she had nowhere to go for new year that meant she wants to do something for new year and therefore expects to stay up?
Why don't you actually speak to her to make it clear that's what is happening? Then if she doesn't want to stay up she has the choice to stay at home.

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Funinthesun15 · 28/12/2015 08:49

*for many

Bunbaker · 28/12/2015 08:49

I'm glad you're not my friend. Just tell your unwanted friend that you will be wearing pyjamas and it will be a late night. If she knows she will be sleeping in the living room she can then decide for herself whether she really wants to come.

And stop worrying. In the grand scheme of things this isn't a big deal. At least you have friends who want to spend new year with you. We are billy no mates as everyone we know is busy with other friends and family.

kilmuir · 28/12/2015 08:49

Too late to cancel. Tell her about your leg and warn her not to get dressed up as you will be in comfy clothes. Yes it may be your home but to insist on pyjamas is weird

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