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AIBU?

To think DB is being a bit cheeky and stingy?

36 replies

YodellingForJesus · 26/12/2015 15:12

Just got a text from him asking if I can go halves on the cost of a family dinner he is preparing for 12 of us extended family tomorrow. Me and my family (four of us) are travelling over 100 miles to our home town, paying for hotel room and a petsitter so we can all be together for the day. We are also bringing nice booze and a load of posh cheese, so all in all it's costing us quite a bit of effort and £££ to visit. Surely he can cough up for the cost of the main course as his contribution? (our mum is providing pudding and veg stuff from her larder). I have said yes, but am tempted to deduct cost of cheese and booze if he is going be like that. Am I being a grinch, or is he being a bit stingy? He earns a good wage so it's not like he is hard up. I can afford to chip in okay, but the fact he has asked has left a bit of a sour taste to be honest. Bah!

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GabiSolis · 26/12/2015 15:14

What is the amount he is asking you for? YANBU but I would want to know figures.

Corygal · 26/12/2015 15:14

YANBU. But Xmas is expensive, and he may be quailing at the thought of feeding so many people. Tell him not to go nuts spending at the supermarket and offer him 20 quid.

Potatoface2 · 26/12/2015 15:16

just say 'i will give you half if you give me half for the things im bringing and give mum half for what she is providing'...hes a tight wad...its not as if you are even staying with him!

BreakfastLunchPasta · 26/12/2015 15:17

Yanbu. What's he cooking?

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 26/12/2015 15:17

If there was an issue with cost, it should have been discussed far in advance with costs split between youy all. If you're bringing booze and cheese (other personal costs aren't really relevant) mum is bringing veg and pudding, what exactly is her left paying for? And why is he asking you for half rather than ask everyone for a tenner?

pinkyredrose · 26/12/2015 15:19

Say yes to his kind offer to share costs and then work out his half of everything you're bringing. He'll probably end up owing you!

YodellingForJesus · 26/12/2015 15:19

Who knows? He was after a whole salmon, but there are none to be found apparently. Hope he doesn't treat us all to a lobster each instead.

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Arfarfanarf · 26/12/2015 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YodellingForJesus · 26/12/2015 15:25

I will do that I think, arfarf. He might end up owing me then

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Chilledmonkeybrains · 26/12/2015 15:27

Why half and not a third? Def deduct the cost of your cheese and booze.

YodellingForJesus · 26/12/2015 15:36

not sure why we are expected to pay half. My guess is because sister and partner are flying over so they will be spending a lot, which just leaves our parents. I don't think he'd dare ask them after all the favours they have done him over the years!

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Arfarfanarf · 26/12/2015 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Duckdeamon · 26/12/2015 15:38

Why did you say yes?

YodellingForJesus · 26/12/2015 15:46

To keep the peace I suppose... I don't really want to fall out over money at Christmas. I will chip in minus the cost of the cheese and drink.

Haha arf, that could be it. Very cunning plan.

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TendonQueen · 26/12/2015 15:49

Text back with 'Actually, I've just remembered that we're bringing X and Y so you can go halves on that with me and then we're splitting everything'.

VintageTrouble · 26/12/2015 15:55

Add up everything it is costing, tell him he owes £x for that. Ask him what he is spending, and how much £y will be.

I bet he will go strangely quiet...

fidel1ne · 26/12/2015 15:55

But you're all contributing already!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/12/2015 16:03

Has he said how much he actually wants?

Unless it's an absolutely fortune (in which case tell him to fk off) I'd say that the amount demanded is cancelled out by his share of what you've spent on the booze and cheese - so you're quits

Anyway, why now at this late stage? Has he perhaps overspent on the rest of Christmas and is looking for a way to get some of it back? For me, that would be another "fk off" I'm afraid

bloodyteenagers · 26/12/2015 16:13

Depends how much he has asked for, especially when it seems he only has the meat/fish bit to buy.

sleeponeday · 26/12/2015 16:15

Agree that you should present him with the bill for his half of the booze and cheese. I somehow suspect that it will come to more than the main course will, given the cost of alcohol.

He's being impossibly cheeky, given the effort and expense for everyone else. Not even as though he is putting you up, is it?

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2015 16:15

Just send a text clarifying what he expects from you and clarifying how much you are spending! Then take half of his and match it to half of yours. I doubt you will owe him a bean!

Maybe ask why he offered to host if they can't afford it, even with help from you and your mum.

This is beyond mean of him and so rude to do so so close to the event!

Remember to add that you are spending XYZ on petrol and hotel rooms and that you are not asking for help with this, so you think that if you and he are spending roughly same he is EASILY quids in! He is being unbelievably mean.

Is there any way his partner (if he has one) is prompting this?

Perniciousness · 26/12/2015 16:33

Seems odd to have only just asked. I'd have phoned him back and interrogated him asked him about it.

Has he got a family too?

I think I'd work out the cost of the booze and cheese and get him to pay half of that. It's probably a petty thing to do but I'd still do it

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Perniciousness · 26/12/2015 16:35

I'd also pay him in front of everyone else. Not in a big showy way and not to make them feel awkward but just so they know.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 26/12/2015 16:51

I'm going to stick my head above the trenches here, don't shoot me.

I think it would depend on relative cost vs income. My own brother is pretty poor. DH and I are 'comfortable', but not rich. We're all retired. Chances are my brother would 'cook within his means' but if he asked me to contribute towards a special meal he's cooking it wouldn't bother me, even if I was providing other food for the feast. We can afford to help out, and the results are so worth it. He is an excellent cook, his meals are to die for!

YodellingForJesus · 26/12/2015 17:20

ChristmasCarcass, that's perfectly reasonable in that situation I reckon. Thing is, DB earns at least as much as we do, and although he is a good cook, he is unlikely to make a Masterchef Professional-type dinner with loads of fancy expensive extras. My assumption was he sorts the dinner, mum and sis provide extra bits, drinks and pudding, I bring more drink and cheese (flipping £25 worth of cheese - not that the amount is relevant usually) and it all evens out roughly and everyone has done their bit.

I think he's probably panicking at how much he's spent on Christmas already. He has partner and two DCs as well. It's very unlikely his partner is pressuring him to recoup the costs, she is lovely. He is mostly
lovely too but can be a grumpy sod sometimes.

Pernicious - I will make a point of paying him the couple of pounds difference once the cost of cheese etc has been accounted for. If it happens that I have spent more than him, I will very magnaimously agree to waive the difference

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