to ask whether this might be eating disorder returning, or my meds

[FuckingAnxietyAndCitalopram]

Posted this in MH, but posting here for traffic, will ask mnhq to delete my other thread. I'm a regular who has n/c for this so please don't out me if you recognise me.

For years now I have suffered on and off with depression and severe anxiety. Mostly situational depression, but also postnatal (twice), and occasionally the dr has suggested clinical depression. The one thing which has remained a constant is the anxiety. At times it is fairly under control, but sometimes (like now), it flares really badly and I become irrational, neurotic and drink too much. When I was much younger I suffered from first anorexia, then bulimia, which I have mainly managed to control since my early 20s (when I got married actually) - having had several children, my weight has fluctuated massively, but after a two year fight with cancer, I am finally on the road to my target weight.

However, in the last fortnight, I just wasn't coping, and went to my gp who prescribed citalopram. I was already on diazepam prn, but found I was having to take it more and more often which obviously isn't great.

Anyway, as soon as I started the citalopram it made me feel really sick and fuzzy. Absolutely exhausted to be honest, and I had no appetite. The symptoms are starting to die down a bit now, and I do find myself getting hungry, but I just can't make myself eat. If I do feel like something, it's usually crap like a burger or a pie, so I only allow myself half of it and then won't eat again that day because what I ate was so unhealthy. I used to be able to stick to a low cal healthy diet, but I can't even look at salad or fruit right now. I find myself with a sore stomach, but feeling strangely 'in control' because I can ignore it.

I know it sounds crazy, but it's the only thing that's making me feel 'OK' just now, even though rationally I know it's ridiculous. Yesterday I ate half a sausage roll, and today I've had one bite of banana and half a cheese burger (different time zone).

Dh and I aren't getting on either which doesn't help because he would usually notice and say something but I've been avoiding him (and him me). Gah! I just don't know how to break this cycle. On top of the fact that I'm completely terrified that if I managed to eat more I'd fucking balloon again.

Don't know what I'm asking really, just for an ear I suppose.

[giraffesCantDoThat]

I think it is the medication. It often starts like that then settles but you need to talk to Dr and keep an eye on it. :)

[FuckingAnxietyAndCitalopram]

Thank you. I need to see my dr again this week. It just feels strange because I'm actually feeling hungry again but just can't bring myself to eat!

[Champagneformyrealfriends]

Please keep an eye on it. My family has a history of ED's and I hate seeing people suffer alone-see your gp if things don't improve and look after yourself op xx

[SaucyJack]

I would say it was the citalopram.

Whenever I start taking a course of it, it feels as though I'm coming up on E for the first week or so.
Absolutely no appetite.

[FuckingAnxietyAndCitalopram]

Again, thank you.

I think it worries me so much because I am recognising almost enjoying the empty feeling, and the feeling that I'm actually in control of something.