My stepdaughter (17) randomly texted my DH this weekend asking for a car for Christmas. She does like to wind him up sometimes, so my DH replied saying he'd love to with a little sad face emoticon (we are currently in the process of buying our own home and the majority of our savings is going towards the ridiculous amount of money it costs to buy a house!). She then sent a text saying "Why can't I when phoenixrose is getting to do X, that's expensive too!" To which he replied (truthfully) that I paid for most of this experience day myself with the money I received for my big birthday this year and that as my Christmas present he topped up the rest so that I could afford to go.
We were still sort of believing that she was just joking around, but she then sends about a hundred texts saying how unfair it was that DH spends all his time, money and effort into me, DSS (12) and DS (2) and that she never gets anything and all she wants to do is spend time with us and she feels like he doesn't love her etc. etc.
And me and DH are because this has come from nowhere!!
DH phoned her and talked to her for a long time. I left him to it, and after he hung up he told me that she'd said she felt that DH spends all his time with the two boys and not with her - there is some truth to this as DSS plays a lot of sports and a lot of DH's weekend is taken up taking him to and from games and training etc, and of course DS is a toddler always clamouring for attention wherever he can get it... although I try my best to keep him occupied on the weekends we have the stepchildren so that DH can spend time with his older two. DH also finds it difficult to find ways to connect with her as she is a teenage girl, and when he has tried in the past (playing the guitar with her, trying to show her YouTube videos she might like) she often just grunts at him and acts bored.
What I can't get my head around is where do we go from here? She still seems mad at him (she seems to be having a lot of anger towards a lot of people lately) and the issue here (according to her) is apparently one of not feeling loved, but I don't see how that means we are supposed to scratch around for hundreds of pounds to get her a car?? We are not poor but due to house buying we're scaling things right back this year, still spending about £150 on the older two though (luckily DS is young so we can just get away with a few cheap wooden secondhand toys and some books), she was also moaning because her mum and stepdad (who usually spend closer to £500 on them each every year) are in a similar financial situation and not giving her much money.
Is she really upset about spending time with her Dad, or has she become confused between presents and presence? Does she think material things show how much someone loves them? Argh I'm so confused, we usually have such a good relationship, me and DSD spend a lot of time together even when DH isn't around and I just don't know how to respond to this. I want to be supportive but it's difficult when she's acting so spoiled/selfish - I mean who DEMANDS a car for Christmas?? I have told DH that I will take DS to my mum's this weekend so that he can spend time with just DSS and DSD, but I have no idea if this is what she really wants - I'm just trying to help.
Please give me some advice, am I being unreasonable for being so appalled? And if she is really hurting, what can I do to help her feel better and to realise that material things can't plaster over those feelings?
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For being appalled and confused at DSD's attitude
64 replies
phoenixrose314 · 30/11/2015 22:00
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