To be angry at Stepdad for trying to dictate

(27 Posts)
FlowersAndShit Fri 27-Nov-15 16:58:45

I have MH issues including agoraphobia, I have no friends so i'm pretty lonely as I live alone. My landlord is a family friend and when I first moved in, I asked if I could have a cat in a few months. He said maybe, with me thinking he'd probably say yes because he knows me/my family and it's pretty much spotless.

6 months on, I rang the landlord today to ask if I could have a cat (I wanted to adopt an older one from a rescue) and he said no because stepdad told him to not let me have one because 'they scratch things'.

I'm pretty devastated because I was really expecting him to say yes. I'm so lonely and a cat would really help. I can't believe how spiteful my stepdad is, still trying to control my life.

AIBU to hand in my notice and find somewhere else to live, that accepts pets? I know they aren't easy to find but i'm willing to try to negotiate.

Yanbu at all.

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Nov-15 17:01:35

Has your Stepdad put up the deposit or something?

If not, then it's none of his bloody business.

Pseudo341 Fri 27-Nov-15 17:03:05

YANBU you need to get away from your stepdad's control so moving is definitely the way to go. Sorry to hear you're having such a crap time.

HeartShapedBox Fri 27-Nov-15 17:03:01

I'd be telling your stepdad to keep his neb out your business in future.

Ouriana Fri 27-Nov-15 17:03:25

Based on earlier theads I think you should hand your notice in amd go somewhere away from the control of this toxic man.

Once you form your own life he has no say or control over it nay help improve your MH problems considerably!

hiddenhome2 Fri 27-Nov-15 17:07:49

What a bastard angry

Please speak to your LL again. Cats can be given scratching posts etc. to help satisfy their needs. I'd be struggling to find any damage my cats have done. They don't chew and destruct in the same way that dogs can.

An adult rescue cat would suit you.

How much money do you have? You could give the LL a 'pet damage deposit' which would cover any damage that a cat might do - not that I would expect it to be significant.

SiegeofEnnis Fri 27-Nov-15 17:10:42

Of course you wouldn't be unreasonable to move somewhere that accepts pets. Not that your landlord in unreasonable not to want a cat owner renting his flat either - I think the problem was perhaps that he felt pressured into not saying an outright 'no' because he knows you and your family and perhaps knows something of your MH issues. Saying 'in a few months' was code for 'no', really, and you were a bit unreasonable to assume it really meant 'yes'. In fact, thinking about it again, it's a very weird thing for a landlord to say to a tenant. It's the kind of thing you say to a small child, hoping they'll forget about the puppy/riding lessons/bunk bed shaped like spaceship they're nagging you for.

Is everyone treating you like a child because of your issues? Definitely better to move on to somewhere neutral where you can be an independent adult with a cat.

FlowersAndShit Fri 27-Nov-15 18:03:59

I'm thinking of just getting one anyway. Being honest doesn't get you anywhere, I've realised.

Osolea Fri 27-Nov-15 18:11:07

Is there more back story to this? I'm wondering because it isn't really spiteful to say that cats scratch things, especially when you're just talking to a friend. Cats do often scratch things and it's pretty standard for landlords not to accept pets.

It isn't the landlords or your step dads fault that you made the assumption that 'maybe' meant 'yes' and you would be incredibly unreasonable to just get a pet anyway when you've been told your landlord diesnt want one.

Try looking for a landlord that is willing to accept pets instead.

FlowersAndShit Fri 27-Nov-15 18:40:33

Osolea I'm a good tenant, I pay my rent early or on time. The place is spotless, the tenant before me left it as a shithole. All of the furniture is mine, bar the stair and bedroom carpets which he has a £500 bond to keep if they are damaged. He'd rather lose a good, honest tenant who looks after his property, than say yes to a cat.

Osolea Fri 27-Nov-15 18:52:11

Flowers I didn't mean to imply that you weren't a good tenant, I'm sure you are, and I'd guess that you have a good landlord as well considering that he's a family friend.

But really, no pets is a pretty standard thing in rental properties.

Maybe your landlord would respond well if you could offer to increase the deposit, or agreed to replace any doors/door frames that got scratched.

AyeAmarok Fri 27-Nov-15 18:52:23

Oh that's so mean of your stepdad, why did he get involved?

It sounds quite unreasonable of your LL too of most of the furniture is your own, it won't be his stuff that gets damage.

I'd speak to the LL again - don't just get one without asking.

And could you ask your stepdad to stop interfering? Or do you not have that sort of relationship?

Crazypetlady Fri 27-Nov-15 19:33:44

Why don't you offer a pet deposit? If you can afford it that may help.

FlowersAndShit Fri 27-Nov-15 20:11:31

I don't want to keep nagging him, he has a nasty side apparently. Just really upset, was looking forward to that one thing, I don't have much else to look forward to so i'm really upset. My mum came over earlier and told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and sided with my stepdad.

FlowersAndShit Fri 27-Nov-15 20:15:50

Just feel hopeless. My world is so small and every effort to enrich my life won't happen.

AyeAmarok Fri 27-Nov-15 20:19:42

Flowers in that case, could you email or talk to your landlord and say "I was wondering if you would please reconsider the request, would an additional deposit make you more comfortable?"

If he says no, then say "that's really disappointing. This is very important to me, and I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, but I'll need to start looking to move somewhere that can accommodate this request."

How good a relationship do you have with the LL?

FlowersAndShit Fri 27-Nov-15 20:22:48

He's always away with work, don't want to pester him because him and stepdad are quite close and if stepdad finds out he'll be an abusive twat towards me.

WhoseBadgerIsThis Fri 27-Nov-15 20:23:39

Hugs! Your Stepdad sounds horrible and your mum's not helping much either! I think moving somewhere else where you can have pets and where the landlord doesn't know your family sounds like a great plan! I bet once you distance yourself from this lot you will start to feel happier already!

FlowersAndShit Fri 27-Nov-15 20:26:55

Thing is, there aren't any landlords that accept pets. I might just have to lie.

SiegeofEnnis Fri 27-Nov-15 20:28:21

Well, that all sounds like a good set of reasons for moving on. In fairness, no pets is a perfectly usual landlord stipulation - I'm renting my old flat out and don't allow them, though I would never have said 'maybe' - but there seem to be far too many personalities involved in your tenancy, your LL, your stepfather, your mother. I wouldn't want a tenancy where I knew about the LL's work schedule or 'nasty side', or had a family member interfering.

If it's important to you, I would email and offer an additional deposit, and if the answer is still no, move on. Best wishes, either way.

SiegeofEnnis Fri 27-Nov-15 20:29:57

There are certainly landlords that do accept lets, though a minority. You will almost certainly have to look harder, or, once you've found somewhere you like, negotiate with the LL re an additional deposit etc.

SiegeofEnnis Fri 27-Nov-15 20:29:57

Pets, not lets.

LoTeQuiero Fri 27-Nov-15 20:32:07

Oh that's so lovely to adopt one from a rescue. I did ten years ago and she's been a wonderful pet ever since! I echo pp - go ahead anyway or move elsewhere. Life is too short to be controlled by those who don't have your best interests at heart.

SouthWesterlyWinds Fri 27-Nov-15 20:44:46

If you do get the cat in breach of tenancy, what makes you think you can lie when your mum is siding with your stepdad and when your stepdad is v close to your landlord?

Email your landlord so he has your request in writing, offer to raise the deposit/make good on any damage that may occur. See what he says then. But if he says no, you should not get the cat anyways And maybe look for a new place. Personally, if this was my situation, I would find it all a bit too close knit with your landlord and stepdad being such close buddies, because that's when the lines get blurred, when one relationship affects the others, noses get out of joint and the potential fallout won't be worth it.

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