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AIBU?

...to think these girls aren't 'strong-willed', they're just a nightmare?

167 replies

Jhm9rhs · 22/11/2015 21:02

In my DS' year (Y1) there is a core of 3-4 girls who are 'the popular girls'. Frankly, I thank my lucky stars that I have sons, because they don't really notice these girls. But they do have lots of little girl friends and I hear endless tales of this little clique...the girls themselves desperate to belong, and their mothers telling stories of bullying, manipulation, exclusion, bribery etc.

Tonight I have been shocked to witness an almost self-congratulatory thread on FB between three of these girls' mothers, joking about how hard it is to parent 'naturally strong-willed and feisty' girls, but really full of pride about what one called 'their alpha girls'.

I wanted to step in and say 'actually, they aren't strong-willed, they're incredibly spoilt and entitled and could do with a few lessons on kindness'. Naturally I didn't.

Then I started to wonder if, in fact, these women are well aware of how mean their children can be, but are so relieved they're not being bullied that they just ignore it

AIBU? Are some kids just born like this?

OP posts:

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ghostyslovesheep · 22/11/2015 21:08

they're 5

LadyColinCampbell · 22/11/2015 21:08

The women were probably like that at school themselves and saw themselves as better than others. If it's any consolation, I found that the people who were like that at school often failed to thrive at university or work in later life etc and were stuck in the past considering their school days the best days of their life...

sugar21 · 22/11/2015 21:09

Good grief you are talking about 5 year olds

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/11/2015 21:09

What ghosty said

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/11/2015 21:10

Oh well that's OK, these 5 year old will grow up to have shitty lives then

Finallyonboard · 22/11/2015 21:11

I think you may need to get a grip

ghostyslovesheep · 22/11/2015 21:12

your post is also shockingly anti girl - you are deluded if you think boys don't behave badly and have cliques - it's called being a child

I have 3 girls I don't make sweeping statements about boys

Jhm9rhs · 22/11/2015 21:13

I am talking about five and six year olds, yes, and I'm willing to accept I might be being unreasonable. But it's already stuff like 'if you rip X's picture, you can play with us at lunchtime '...it seems to start early!

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wigglesrock · 22/11/2015 21:14

As other posters have pointed out they're five - maybe not yet five? I think some kids are right pains in the arses as are their parents - doesn't matter if they're boys or girls. I have 3 children in primary school - my youngest is nearly 5 - they're still all running around the playground shouting aaagggh - they wouldn't know a clique if it ran up and bit them on the arse.

In the interests of disclosure my three kids are girls

TimeToMuskUp · 22/11/2015 21:14

Well. I think YABU to hold such an intense dislike for children this young. They're still very little, and some children really are born terribly strong-willed (I have two DS' ; DS1 is 10 and has always wanted to please you underneath his silly exterior. DS2 is 4 and has the strongest will of any child I've met. He's stubborn to the point of exhaustion. Parenting him is a constant challenge, and one which some parents might find too much. If he'd been my first he'd have run rings around me).

However, I do think a lot of parents don't/can't/won't look at their children with anything but rose tinted spectacles. I know quite a few Mums in particular who fail to see any wrong-doing in their DCs. On the other hand, I know a lot of Mums (and I include myself in this) who try their level best to be as open to their DCs faults as they are to their successes. It's not all parents, it's not all girls.

pinotblush · 22/11/2015 21:15

? the girls aren't saying anything on facebook are they.

NewLife4Me · 22/11/2015 21:18

We have 3 dc 2 x ds and 1 dd.

Ds2 and dd are as equally strong willed as each other.
Ds1 is totally different.
I blame their parents.

VondaRedbush · 22/11/2015 21:18

I think these girls sound awful and I do remember some like it at my primary school - although they were probably about 7/8. As Ladycollin says though, they didn't exactly excel themselves in later life ...

Senpai · 22/11/2015 21:20

What? 5 year olds with no developed empathy are mean? No. Way.

It's also easy to correct.

There was a girl in my kindergarten class that told kids she didn't like them. The teacher told her to knock it off and tell the kids she wanted to be friends with them. She did and they were friends again for the day.

They're not old enough to understand what a clique is. They're bossy because they want their own way, like any other child.

Jhm9rhs · 22/11/2015 21:21

I think some of you are right that they are only tiny and IABU in being so bothered by it. I don't dislike them per se but I am very cross about it, especially as my own children haven't been affected.

I was bullied in junior school, albeit very low-level stuff, so I'm over-sensitive perhaps.

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ghnocci · 22/11/2015 21:22

I was watching the secret life of 4 year olds and the psychologists on there said that the manipulation, exclusion etc is a very normal part of development for this age group, as they are learning about relationships. They're only little children OP.

VestalVirgin · 22/11/2015 21:23

It is totally reasonable to be annoyed with the mothers. They are probably just selfish and proud that their children exert power over others. There are many mothers of sons who are anti-feminists because they want their sons to be top of the hierarchy.

Some people are more interested in their own offspring's wellbeing than in the wellbeing of the people who have to be around their offspring.

Do you tell your sons what you think of those girls' behaviour? Maybe you can encourage them to step in when they see that clique bully someone. Look at it as opportunity to teach your sons a lesson in compassion.

Jhm9rhs · 22/11/2015 21:23

Senpai most of the year 1 kids I know have some empathy and certainly an ability to share, co-operate and think of others a lot of the time.

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Jhm9rhs · 22/11/2015 21:24

ghnocci that's very interesting.

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VestalVirgin · 22/11/2015 21:25

@ghnocci: It may be a normal part of development to try and manipulate others, but it is also a normal part to have to cope with other people's negative reactions to those behaviours.

anotherbloomingusername · 22/11/2015 21:26

Blimey, they couldn't be more different from the year 1 kids at my daughter's school. They're a gorgeous bunch, full of teamwork and holding hands and drawing each other pictures-- with the occasional crafty kiss thrown in.

I've occasionally run across a child like OP describes, but I find that the other kids tend to go off playing with them if their behaviour is poor. Very unlucky to have three in one class.

balletgirlmum · 22/11/2015 21:27

I'm the mum of a girl.

There was definatly a little clique of strong willed girls who seemed to delight in upsetting others like my Dd by exclusion, catty comments & sometimes yes, downright nastiness.

The difference between them & my dd & some the others was that their behaviour wasn't checked & seemed to even be encouraged.

kilmuir · 22/11/2015 21:28

spoilt brats with parents who think such behaviour is ok and are too lazy /stupid to sort it out

MrsDeVere · 22/11/2015 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jhm9rhs · 22/11/2015 21:30

another...luckily there are plenty like that in this year group too!

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