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AIBU?

To feel hurt by this?

51 replies

TheStripyGruffalo · 18/10/2015 09:54

My work colleagues had a social event last night, all over FB are pictures of them having a great time. I wasn't invited to the event and didn't know it was happening, in fact I clearly wasn't meant to know it was happening as I was chatting to some colleagues about their plans for the weekend and they all said that they had were having a quiet weekend at home. From the photos, everybody went. The manager of the department was there, he rarely goes to social events and he commented on one of the photos that he had been looking forward to it and what a good night it was.

OP posts:

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QuiteLikely5 · 18/10/2015 09:55

Can you ask your manager why you weren't invited? Seems quite rude to do this

FayKorgasm · 18/10/2015 09:57

I don't blame you being hurt.

OfficeGirl1969 · 18/10/2015 09:59

Rude and actually quite weird....I'd be inclined to speak to the manager and just ask the question....seems bizarre if you all generally get on well.......

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/10/2015 09:59

If course yanbu. It must really hurt.

Could there be a misunderstanding? Something like you once said you hate going out or similar.

If not, I think you need to ask your manager why you weren't invited.

TheStripyGruffalo · 18/10/2015 10:00

Sorry, this looks like drip feeding. I should have said, it was at another colleagues house. He and I don't work together that much but I work closely with the other people there.

OP posts:

OurBlanche · 18/10/2015 10:01

Ask your manager. It does seem odd and he may well be horrified on your behalf.

Meanwhile, keep your chin up, maybe ask them how it went - with a big smile!!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 18/10/2015 10:01

I would be pissed off about this. I hated anyone posting fb pictures of me out, as i knew others hadnt been invited. I didnt like looking as if i was part of not inviting, when it had been sorted by someone else ... IYSWIM ... i left face book because of this.

3littlefrogs · 18/10/2015 10:01

That is so hurtful OP.
Can you think of any reason at all why they deliberately left you out?

Something similar happened to my lovely friend. She is quite a private person so not inclined to discuss her personal life at work, but she has a chronic condition that causes a lot of pain and mobility issues. She had a longish period of sick leave due to a major flare up and was bullied and excluded when she came back.

Eventually she took a redundancy package, but she never got over the way her colleagues treated her. People can be really cruel.

The manager's behaviour is shocking, if they knew you were deliberately excluded. Are you able to speak to your manager in the first instance?

Bunbaker · 18/10/2015 10:02

They sound vile and insensitive. I feel for you. I have posted on another thread about something similar with DD, except that they are all 15/16. You would have hoped that adults had grown out of this sort of nastiness.

spanky2 · 18/10/2015 10:02

Wow. Their behaviour is really awful. If you can bear to know the answer, ask your manager. What a horrible group of people.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/10/2015 10:04

That's slightly different then.

So a colleague you don't know at all well, had a party and didn't invite you?

I now don't think that's so odd.

MrsCampbellBlack · 18/10/2015 10:04

I guess if you don't work/know the other colleague well and it was a totally non-work related party then that is just why you weren't invited. Probably wasn't up to your friends to invite you as they weren't hosting?

Not sure why they fibbed though unless they just felt awkward.

TheStripyGruffalo · 18/10/2015 10:05

I don't work with them but I know them well enough to chat with them about what is going on in their life but they aren't a close friend. Maybe I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:

MrsCampbellBlack · 18/10/2015 10:06

I think you are a bit - it was a party at someone's house who you don't know very well. I wouldn't take it personally at all.

helenahandbag · 18/10/2015 10:06

So a colleague you don't know at all well, had a party and didn't invite you?

I now don't think that's so odd.

But it is odd that OP's colleagues lied about their plans. I wouldn't expect to be invited to the party of someone I didn't know well but I'd be pissed off if people lied about it!

Bunbaker · 18/10/2015 10:06

I didn't see the second update. I don't see how you would expect to get an invitation from someone you don't know very well.

Drip feeding is annoying.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/10/2015 10:07

Yes I've changed to yabu!

It might have been nice to have been invited, but you don't sound like you socialise with the party giver, so I don't think I would have expected an invitation tbh.

LindyHemming · 18/10/2015 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCampbellBlack · 18/10/2015 10:08

Perhaps people just felt awkward Helena as realised friend wasn't invited? I've mentioned before stuff that the person I'm chatting to hasn't been invited too and felt mortified as it has been very awkward.

I never know what is best to say in those situations really without telling a fib.

KatieLatie · 18/10/2015 10:09

It is up to whoever organises the party (the guy whose house it is). He invites who he likes and knows, but you have said that you don't really know him? Although you work closely oth the other attendees, it isn't their party it is his.

Son is 5.5. Some of his class have "whole class parties", some just select friends (might be half the class might be more). Those that select friends, some invite DS, some don't. If he doesn't get invited, then he still knows 95% of the people going (including the party boy/girl - they are a great group and all get on). That's life, whether you are 5, 30 or 50. It is nice to be fully inclusive (and DS WILL invite his whole class to his party), but not everyone is or can be like that.

Seeyounearertime · 18/10/2015 10:10

That sounds as "cliquey" as where I used to work. 10+ years is been there, never got invite to anything, they'd even plan stuff in front of me and make it obvious I wasn't invited. I believe it was because I worked my way into the office from the workshop floor. I also refused to brown nose anyone and "grease the rails" as it were. When I left I or nocard, cake, or message from any of them saying good luck, we'll miss you etc.

Personally OP I'd like a couple pictures, maybe comment "looks fun :)" etc. Rise above it and ask yourself, if theyre this unpleasant and they don't want to spend time with you, why should you care and want to spend time with them?

spanky2 · 18/10/2015 10:10

But to invite everyone else and just leave op out is wrong. If she was the only person not invited that's not right.
Reminds me of the behaviour of some school mums who invite everyone in the class to their dc's party except one child.

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Birdsgottafly · 18/10/2015 10:11

So really someone who you don't work with, or know invited people that you do work with to their house?

That bit is fine, you wasn't excluded, it was in someone's home, who must be pushed for space.

They didn't have to lie about it, unless you are generally a drama queen, or someone who would turn up uninvited, which I've seen suggested on here.

I would calmly and keeping to the point ask your Manager why he lied, that was ridiculous and unprofessional.

LadyLonely1 · 18/10/2015 10:11

Yabvu, it might be that the host knows everyone else well enough and not you. and it was in his home so no obligation to have you over. It also seems like it was a casual get together more than a work event which makes it non compulsory to include all.
It is hurtful though, but getting on well as colleagues and having a friendship outside of work are two different things.

OfficeGirl1969 · 18/10/2015 10:12

^ Agreed. Now it makes sense. If your colleagues/friends had arranged a get together and excluded you then that's one thing, and yes you'd have a right to be upset. But I don't think you can hold them responsible for someone you don't know very well not inciting you to their party....different thing altogether....

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