to get cross at this engineer ? Feminist rage.

(99 Posts)
PaddingtonStareBare Tue 13-Oct-15 23:45:31

DH thinks I have 'ishoos' hmm

So we have a broken piece of equipment at home, I call the help line and speak to an engineer. He tells me a certain part will need to be replaced (major part). I ask if this is something that can be done at home or does it require a specialist to do, at the same time I'm looking at said piece of equipment and thinking "Doesn't look to hard."

After my question the engineer then asks me if my husband is "mechanically minded" I pause (there has been no mention of my marital status or husband at this point) and started to get pissed off at this assumption that the man has to do it, I replied "What needs doing then ?" Engineer goes on to explain it's just some screws basically and you just screw a new peice on. angry

I then said "Well it doesn't sound like a man can be the only one to do that thanks, it might surprise you I even know the difference between a flathead and a phillips screwdriver !" He then goes on to say "Yes but some men just tend to do those things don't they and the women don't" and carries on to tell me about the part and cost.

I told him not to assume that all women are incapable of doing that but ended the call politely. It still bloody pissed me off that he automatically assumed the "Man of House" does anything involving a screwdriver. I told DH this when he came in and he laughed it off saying I had issues and yes that is how it is in some couples etc etc, I said of course it is but it's the assumption that pissed me off.

Was I being unreasonable to get shitty at the engineer ? and my husband or am I being over sensitive ?

RoseWithoutAThorn Wed 14-Oct-15 00:04:42

Personally, I don't know anything about car engines but DH does. Likewise if the Hoover breaks down I stand and look at it wondering how to take it apart. It's just how I am, I have absolutely no interest in how the mechanics of things work.

If my car needs work I take it to a garage, if my horses or dogs need a vet I ask DH, that's his job, he's a vet. If my Hoover needs fixed and DH can't do it I ask someone who knows about hoovers. If my roof needs fixed I call a roofer. If a wall needs plastered I call a plasterer. If I need the central heating maintained I call a hearing engineer. If my nails need done I go to a nail technician as I'm pish have at doing them myself. Each person to their trade I say.

I completely understand what your saying but it wouldn't upset me.

ModenaMan Wed 14-Oct-15 00:08:38

You handy with a Torx as well. smile
A bit sensitive but not U. Just shows some still confirm to stereotype.
Out of interest what is it and who will fix it you or DH.

FWIW my DD asked me to get hair dye from Boots. I was asked by 3 shop staff if I was OK and did I need any help. They all ignored the women in the same section.
Like I don't know the difference between perm and wash out colours.

LuisCarol Wed 14-Oct-15 00:09:17

YANBU

tabulahrasa Wed 14-Oct-15 00:11:59

YANBU

That is actually how it works in my house because I'm good at many things, but sadly anything requiring tools I seem to mess up.

But it's not because I'm a woman.

Seeyounearertime Wed 14-Oct-15 00:14:31

I would imagine that the engineer only assumes because its the safer option and the usual way things work.
Imagine if he assumed every woman was just like you OP? It'd either end up mking every phone call like trying to explain how sex works using play doh, with your eyes closed. Or it'd end up with the woman running to get her OH and leaving the engineer on hold for endless hours.

I think he likely errs on the side of caution due to habit.

CultureSucksDownWords Wed 14-Oct-15 00:15:03

YANBU, and also not being sensitive or overreacting. I'd be bloody furious if someone on the phone like that assumed I had a husband and that I wouldn't know what to do.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Wed 14-Oct-15 00:15:11

If no one ever challenges it, nothing ever changes.

YANBU.

CassieBearRawr Wed 14-Oct-15 00:17:31

YANBU.

Our washer broke a while ago and we had to replace it. I called someone to come and collect the old one, I was the one who called him and was the only person he ever spoke to, and I specifically said I'll be in at x time for him to collect. When he arrived it was just him, no one else, so I said I'd help him carry it to his van. He was horrified and asked "Isn't there a man who can help instead?" I wanted to throw the bloody thing at his head.

RoseWithoutAThorn Wed 14-Oct-15 00:19:03

but sadly anything requiring tools I seem to mess up.

I'm so glad it's not just me. The last time I used a drill it slipped, I still have the scar on my leg! I refuse to do any power tools now.

TyneTeas Wed 14-Oct-15 00:20:06

YANBU

Is anyone there mechanically minded? - fine

But that isn't what was said

but to be fair it does sound that in an everydaysexism kind of way that he was conditioned by experience matching stereotypes rather than believing the stereotypes exclusively limitng women if he wasn't in the slightest phased by you doing it (not that that makes it okay!)

RoseWithoutAThorn Wed 14-Oct-15 00:25:34

Is anyone there mechanically minded? - fine

No, neither of us. Is it actually ok for neither of us to be mechanically minded?

Millymollymama Wed 14-Oct-15 00:27:59

My DH is a Chartered Engineer. He would be bloody furious after years of study at university and work to be classed the same as a guy who repairs domestic equipment! Domestic equipment repair person is more appropriate! Not your fault, but irritating.

RoseWithoutAThorn Wed 14-Oct-15 00:34:43

My DH is a Chartered Engineer. He would be bloody furious after years of study at university and work to be classed the same as a guy who repairs domestic equipment! Domestic equipment repair person is more appropriate!

Does your DH do any more a worthwhile job than people that repair domestic appliances then? confused. You sound like a snob.

Fatmomma99 Wed 14-Oct-15 00:35:02

Totally understand you. I'm not practical or useful with any job (although I do also know the difference between the straight screwdriver and the cross-over one!).

However, my DH doesn't drive.

We've been married 20 years later this month, and haven't brought many cars, but we've brought a few. Some private, some second-hand through garages/dealers. Without exception, individuals and sales people have talked to DH and blanked me.

<"AHEM! HE DOESN'T EFFING DRIVE!!!!!">

When we go out for test drives, and he's in the back seat, because - y'know, I'm driving the bloody thing - they twist round to talk to him rather than me!

Justaboy Wed 14-Oct-15 00:42:08

Well in the past I've had to call up companies and explain a problem to them and invariably 99 times out of a 100 its a female who answers the phone .
I explain it all to her then she says "I'm not technical, you'll have to speak to Mr so-and-so".

But on the very rare time that she does understand it I'm bloody delighted that she can:-)

I'd really like to see more women taking and interest in tech and engineering. In fact there was a program about the crossrail project and quite a few women were engineers on that but don't be too harsh on this man's presumption as all too often it is still the man of the house who's the one who wields the twiddle-sticks!.

Better get that asbestos suit on PDQ!.

ModenaMan Wed 14-Oct-15 00:44:08

Rose
It has been an issue for years with ICE fighting to keep the title Engineer for those who have Charted status. I can see their point. It's not about demeaning others but a Heatimg Engineer will install or fault find a boiler. They will not have anything to do with the design functionality. Materials etc
sorry to go off topic

VashtaNerada Wed 14-Oct-15 00:46:52

YANBU, what a dick. Does he work for a big brand or a small company? (Just wondering if you should complain).

Justaboy Wed 14-Oct-15 00:48:46

Yes, the terms engineer and technician are all to frequently interspersedsad

ThatsDissapointing Wed 14-Oct-15 00:57:01

Yab a bit u.

I agree that it was a stupid assumption but I think getting shitty with him was a bit OTT and grumpy. I would have given him a wee lecture but I wouldn't have got snarky.

I had an electrician doing some work for me and he started to tell me to tell my husband that the lightbulbs needed to be changed and how to do it. I was shock shock . I couldn't believe my ears. Anyway I don't think he will make that mistake again. wink I do loads of DIY, including making furniture, I work on the car, I fix washing machine and computers etc I'm not saying I'm an expert but I can definitely change a bloody lightbulb. I took him on a tour of the house pointing out various things I'd done. Ironically, my DH is completely useless and struggles with the simplest of practical tasks.

MillyMolly shock confused

MagzFarquarson Wed 14-Oct-15 00:57:10

I would imagine that the engineer only assumes because its the safer option and the usual way things work
Imagine if he assumed every woman was just like you OP? It'd either end up mking every phone call like trying to explain how sex works using play doh, with your eyes closed. Or it'd end up with the woman running to get her OH and leaving the engineer on hold for endless hours

My DH is a Chartered Engineer. He would be bloody furious after years of study at university and work to be classed the same as a guy who repairs domestic equipment! Domestic equipment repair person is more appropriate! Not your fault, but irritating

These two comments are jokes, right?

YADNBU

ThatsDissapointing Wed 14-Oct-15 00:59:55

JustaBoy I thought that series on Crossrail was brilliant. My DH and I commented that we hoped they hadn't had to hunt to hard to find the female engineers.

shadowfax07 Wed 14-Oct-15 01:09:21

YANBU! Here, DP did an electrical apprenticeship and then worked in Site maintenance, whereas I've worked in IT for more years than I care to remember <both ageing gimmers>. You can make a reasonable guess as to who does what in our household...

I had a blazing row with a Sky technician who came to install the new boxes in our new house, went through various demos with DP and then got confused when the boxes wouldn't connect to the internet. Oh, says he, you don't have an internet connection, I can't complete setup, call us when you've got one back, blah,blah,blah. DP shouts upstairs to me, asking if the internet is up and running. Yeah, no problem, connection and speed all good, what's the problem I reply.

Sky boxes won't connect, I get told when I get downstairs Of course not, numpty, I need to add their MAC addresses to the router's list of allowed devices. Sky technician says Sky boxes don't have MAC addresses, and refused to believe me when I pointed out anything with a network card will have one. This went on for about 10 minutes, until DP pointed out to him that lil ol' blonde me actually did know what I was talking about, and he should phone someone who knew more about networking to find out how he was going to give me the info I needed. I was fuming for hours afterwards. angry

unlucky83 Wed 14-Oct-15 01:09:23

Hmmm - I'm the technically minded one in our house - DP is useless at stuff like that. I do the DIY and I do the repairs. I also tend to make the big decisions (which boiler to buy etc) ...
I have had the odd comment but in general I get treated with respect.
I also am very good at knowing a little and dropping something into the conversation so they know I am not clueless ....stops them patronising me from the off. (so in your case if I knew anything at all about it I would have used a technical term at some point -at a stretch these days anything electrical can be covered with something like 'I guess it could be a problem with the PCB' covers a multitude of appliances grin )
In your case - I would have made a joke about it ...'not really - so I guess it is a good job I am' kind of way - which gets the message across without sounding uptight...
(And I know the difference between a flat head and a phillips - still don't really get the difference between a phillips and a pozi though.. well I do but get them mixed up ...)

FatimaLovesBread Wed 14-Oct-15 01:11:01

Not quite so stereotypical but I got the rage with a company last week. I'd booked a holiday with my name as lead. Then the week after I got an email addressed to MR LovesBread to book our seats. Probably just a computer fault but I did mention it to the company

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