To rather not have any gifts from my sister?

[sunnyteacup]

This is kind of inspired by another thread as it got me thinking that it's coming up to Christmas and I will be getting a gift from my sister where there has been no thought whatsoever put into it. It's got to the stage where I honestly would rather not have anything as it's quite upsetting that she can't put two minutes into thinking of something I would actually like.

She spends £5 on me and our brother each. It does not deviate from this and the gifts are generally from a supermarket when she's shopping (that's not an issue which I'll come to in a minute!). She's not flush for cash but not struggling either. When shopping she'll bulk buy male/female gifts then decide later who's getting what.

I am VERY different to this with gift buying and take time to think about what each person would like and shop around. I don't have a set amount I spend as it depends on what I want to buy them. This really isn't about the money spent though. It's more about that she wouldn't even spend £2 more even if it was on something I would actually like.

As she gets her shopping from the supermarket mostly, I have said to her more than once to get me a fiver bottle of wine for Christmas (after years of awful presents). I would be DELIGHTED with this. But she doesn't.

A few years ago I got a cuddly toy thing in a box with bubble bath. I didn't have a bath at the time. We see each other all the time so she knows this!

It's a running joke in our family about how awful her presents are as she's the same with everyone.

She continually gets our mum perfume/body spray sets when she's been told for years that she can't wear anything like that due to her sensitive skin. She doesn't ever wear any perfume.

I feel that the money she spends is a waste because it's always crap that just gathers dust so I would really rather have nothing then I'm not constantly disappointed or hurt by the lack of thought. Every year I always hope that this is the year she has actually thought about the gift but it never happens. It's as if it's a tick box exercise with her where she buys the right number of gifts then can say that's her done her Christmas shopping. Invariably all the females/males get the same gifts but relating to their gender i.e. impulse or lynx sets.

Am I being ungrateful??

[TrinityForce]

Well... yeah, you are.

Just accept the thoughtless gift with a thank you and have a laugh with your family about it.

[SaucyJack]

YANBU.

I hate those stupid, thoughtless smellies "gift" sets. Has anyone ever been pleased to wake up on Christmas morning to three miniature bottles of shower gel?

[gamerchick]

Yes me. I love getting smellys but never do :(

[sunnyteacup]

I will send you mine gamerchick. I have a collection.

[formerbabe]

No you are not being ungrateful...generic gifts which have had no thought put into them are a complete waste of money.

[sunnyteacup]

It is a complete waste of money. Sigh. That's the ironic thing, she doesn't like to spend money ever but when she does on gifts it's a waste anyway!

[herderofcats]

YANBU.

But doubtless you'll be told you're being ungrateful and 'it's the thought that counts'.

What bloody thought.

[Babytookacupwoo]

My mil & sil are really tight. They both bulk buy cheap, thoughtless crap in the sales then hand it put all year as gifts. A favourite is boots 3for 2 gifts- my birthday is in June and I got a Christmas cranberry smelly set. I also get things where just no thought has gone in- lots of cheap Products tied into brands- strictly come dancing brozer (am Scottish ginger and pale) Ted baker nail varnish sets (because of its Ted baker it must look posh) everything is chosen for its cheapness, not because I might like it. Also if I say I like IE, molton brown, I get loads and loads of knock off moulton brown like that Baylis and Harding crap.
So yeah, I know what you mean

[Bubbletree4]

The shops are full of this type of generic gifts. I always wonder who buys these crappy things. Your sister clearly .

I'd rather have a £5 or £10 Amazon voucher than an Impulse set.

[SaucyJack]

Honestly gamer? Even when it's the cheap stuff you chuck in the trolley at Tesco?

Can I ask why? I'm not taking the piss. Just genuinely never met anyone who thought receiving a bottle of Dove was a decent present.

[sunnyteacup]

I have been brought up to be gracious and thankful as it's the thought that counts as you say. So this is why it stings a little due to the compete lack thereof by someone that I'm close to and whom I get on well with but we're complete polar opposites when it comes to this.

[fuzzywuzzy]

Re-gift it to her for her birthday.

[Cornettoninja]

I love random smellies and gift set thingys. preferably something useable that doesn't clutter up the place. People seem to buy me wooden cats though only took one being displayed that had been bought for me as a present and people have took it as my favouritist thing in the world ever....

Some people just aren't any good at presents. I have the occasional flash of inspiration and will get something good for someone but then it's back to generic gift items.

I think if someone is valuable in your life and gives you a bit-shit gifts then it's one if those things to bust out your polite face for and appreciate the sentiment behind it. You're important enough in their life for the gesture and that's the bit that means something imho.

If your talent is giving special, well thought out gifts then great, but not everyone possess that skill and you shouldn't let it ruin the pleasure of exchanging gifts because in reality it's not about the actual object is it?

[gamerchick]

Yep honestly jack, we all have our quirks

[sunnyteacup]

God saucy the miniature shower gels and dove sets are bang on as to what I get!!

Yes, it's probably my sister alone that keeps the shops bringing these back in every year! Agree about the Amazon gift voucher.

I'm glad it's not just me Baby. We don't do birthday presents so luckily it's only once a year I have this issue!

[sunnyteacup]

My way of gift giving can be a curse! I pretty much always go over budget, agonise and dither for ages about whether they'd like it or not and it takes up waaaay too much time and energy! But seeing people pleased with my choice and using the gift is the pay off.

Every year I tell myself I'm going to pick up any old thing for her but I can't bring myself to do it!

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

I had a friend who kept giving me smellies. Even after I explained (politely, and not right after I'd received a gift btw) that I can't use them as I have eczema and usually end up with horrible dry skin or a rash after using anything perfumed. Also can't have baths for the same reason, showers only.
What did I get next?
A bloody bath bomb.
And I accepted it, smiled, said I was very thankful and gave it to my sister who likes them.
As a teen I actually had a large box full of smellies I could not use.

[ahbollocks]

Yanbu

I love a gift set, and pj's and hot water bottles and chocolate and all that shite but for some bizarre reason my lot insist on buying me useful stuff, or books on feminism thanks dsis

[CookieMonsterIsOnADiet]

I hate those sets too. No thought goes into them and they are usually on 3 for 2 so someone gets the free gift.

I like to match gifts to the person knowing they will be liked and enjoyed rather than stuffed into a drawer until passing the charity shop or the next school fair rolls around.

[jorahmormont]

Keep it until the next Christmas and give it back to her?

[Leeds2]

Could you not agree with her that she won't buy you a gift, and you won't buy her one? If she doesn't like spending money, she will probably be happy with that idea.

[noeffingidea]

saucyjack me! I love Dove. My son and DIL usually get me a gift set for Christmas, and I love it. I don't really like other toiletries though.
Agree with you, OP. Personally I'd rather have no gift than something I don't really want. I also hate not knowing to buy someone and not really knowing if they like it or not.I always ask for a list now, and if they don't give me one they get a gift card or cash.

[TokenGinger]

I'd be inclined to just have an honest conversation with her again (I know you tried with the wine thing) and just say not to get you anything. Or maybe just a selection box from the supermarket. In fact, I'll have a selection box, too, please.

[RoganJosh]

I'd just give it straight to charity and not worry about the waste.

[DinosaursRoar]

Get in early (as the gift sets are in the shops now so she might start soon!)

Call her and say that money's tight this year, and you can't afford to spend a lot, and you think your DB is in the same boat, would she be up for an agreement you'll just buy festive chocolate or wine for each other? That way you all know it'll get used over the festive period and help towards the 'christmas costs' rather than struggling yet getting gifts. Perhaps mention you thought you should say it early as you know the supermarkets will be doing wine deals soon, and it might be handy to stock up now.

If she doesn't like having to think about gifts, being given an easy instruction like "bottle of wine" might help.

Then just buy wine - you can buy posher wine than a fiver bottle if you fancy it, but just wine. No angst, no planning for months, just wine. Order it now so it's done and you don't have to think about it.

You can't make her become a "thoughtful gift giver" type, so at least guide her towards something you'll get use out of.