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AIBU?

to ban DS(13) from riding his bike?

18 replies

HorribleMotherCo · 09/10/2015 22:49

DS has been cycling his bike to school for the last few weeks and around the neighbourhood. He has always had a bike but used to only cycle with an adult when younger and then had a long period of not cycling at all until he got the one he has now which he got last Christmas. He suddenly wants to cycle everywhere. He did a cycling proficiency course in whe he was about 10 but has obviously forgotten everything.

We live in an area which is well served by cycle paths so he would never need to cycle on the road, just cross over them.

DH was out with him a few weeks ago when he flew across a road without looking. DD (18) was with him this afternoon when he again crossed a road with looking properly and was almost hit by a van who had to emergency break. It was a crossing but without lights. I thought I had drummed into him not to cross until the traffic had actually stopped for him . DD was hysterical when they got home and told me. DS shrugged if off and blamed the van.

He has come home occasionally with bruises which he says happened when he fell off the damn thing (collided with a fence/bollard).

I have now said he is not cycling anywhere any more. He has insisted that I can't stop him, which I can as I have the keys to the garage! He is 13 but very much a day dreamer and I think the risk is too high and not really necessary.

AIBU or should I just leave him to learn from his mistakes which could result in death?

OP posts:

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HorribleMotherCo · 09/10/2015 22:50

Sorry. He did a cycling proficiency course when he was about 10 but has obviously forgotten everything.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 09/10/2015 22:52

Can he do a refresher course?

AgentZigzag · 09/10/2015 23:07

It's a nightmare when you think there's something they'd definitely know, just because of common sense if nothing else, and then you realise they haven't. got. a. fucking. clue.

It's finding that thing that'll make him remember every time he's on his bike. Would a refresher course do that? (if you could get him on it that is). I'm not sure it would, he sounds as though he's a bit too casual about it all to think anything like that would apply to him.

What about a youtube vid of someone with a helmet cam on cycling in London? I know it's maybe not a good idea to put it in his head that what he does isn't important, but you could focus more on car drivers etc being unsafe around bikes? I'm thinking that him at least watching out for them would be better than nothing?

TrinityForce · 09/10/2015 23:15

Have a word about being careful crossing roads/getting off to cross and leave him to it.

If he doesn't look/isn't careful crossing roads when walking that could result in death too, but you can't ban him from walking. He's just got to learn.

I'd panic and worry in your shoes too.

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2015 23:19

I think a refresher course and a youtube vid would be an excellent idea.

I'm a lollipop lady and my crossing is quite near to a senior school. I can't tell you how many near misses I see every single day at the junction near my crossing. It's nearly always senior school kids who seem oblivious to the dangers when riding their bikes.

Also being male, he's far more likely to receive a mouthful of vile abuse from drivers who forget the person they're calling a 'stupid, dopey little cunt' is still a child.

HorribleMotherCo · 09/10/2015 23:34

Thanks all. Great idea for a refresher course. That will be a condition of him cycling alone again. I will find a YouTube vid for him to watch over the weekend.

Excellent ideas!

He thinks he's cycling alone tomorrow to Saturday school but he WILL be driven.

Worra That is scary. I am right to ban him for now then!

OP posts:

Kinvale · 09/10/2015 23:38

Does he have insurance in case he causes damage to a vehicle? Insurance companies come down heavy on cyclists now who are at fault. You can get 3rdparty cover cheaply via British cycling etc. My husband has it. Worth for peace of mind

AgentZigzag · 09/10/2015 23:50

What you do depends on whether you think he's not looking because of his age or because of his lack of experience.

If you ban him he won't get the road sense you're looking to foster in him, but then you don't want him to get into a scrape to teach him that either!

What about a helmet (or bike if he doesn't wear a helmet) cam? Don't know how expensive they are, but one of the problems is that you can't see what he's like when he's out and about. It wouldn't have to be a permanent thing but could give you an idea of just how scary he is on it.

memememum · 10/10/2015 00:45

Could you practice with him each weekend. Tell him he can go back to cycling alone once your happy that he's safe. Maybe give him a time frame, eg he can go back after half term if you feel he's made enough progress (allows for 4 weekend practises and some extras over half term).

BrideOfWankenstein · 10/10/2015 01:08

Russian lorry drivers call cyclists ironically twattishly "crunchies". There's a reason for that.
He got lucky today, but he might not get lucky tomorrow. I dread to think about that. I would definitely show him videos and get a refreshers course. And maybe without his knowledge review his cycling once a week by sending someone with him.

Junosmum · 10/10/2015 08:02

Show him the end scene of the film 'one day'. Not nice. I'd worry about him. I certainly think some consequence is a good idea.

Jollyphonics · 10/10/2015 08:11

YANBU. I would try a refresher course - also is there a cycling course that's equivalent to the speed awareness course that motorists get, because that always seems to shock the most I'm-totally-safe-honest drivers.

But in the meantime I would tell him that until he's mature enough to ride safely, he's not mature enough to ride unsupervised.

MissDuke · 10/10/2015 08:16

Unfortunately no, you cannot let him cycle alone. Can you or dh cycle with him until he learns to cycle safely?

It really isn't fair on anyone to let him go out when you know he is going to be reckless, imagine the fright he gave that van driver, never mind your dd! It is very worrying that he will not acknowledge that he was in the wrong. That is what makes him so dangerous, to both himself and others. We are a cycling family and take our small children out regularly and point out safe cycling when out in the car to try and drum this into them.

catfordbetty · 10/10/2015 10:48

Are you going to stop him walking too? Careless pedestrians also get injured and killed.

Fatmomma99 · 10/10/2015 10:57

I don't know if this is possible or not, but if it were possible I'd tell him he can't cycle without an adult chaperone (you or your DH) until he can demonstrate to your satisfaction that he's responsible enough.

ijustwannadance · 10/10/2015 11:03

Could you ask the school to give a general mention about cycle safety in assembly?

I live near a few secondry school and a busy town centre. The kids on bikes are mainly oblivious. No helmets, riding one handed while eating ice pops, crossing roads without looking. Just a matter of time before a serious accident occurs.

sashh · 10/10/2015 11:33

It was a crossing but without lights

Do you mean like a zebra crossing?

He should not be riding across a crossing, he is a road user not a pedestrian.

Unless there is, 'shared use' of course.

VeryPunny · 10/10/2015 11:35

Get him on a Bikeability course and buy him a copy of Cycelcraft to read.

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