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AIBU?

Partner called me ungrateful.

226 replies

HodgePodge23 · 09/10/2015 18:10

Him and I have different outlooks on gifts and I'm starting to think that perhaps I'm a bitch.

A few things led him to call me this. Firstly, my in laws bought us some baby stuff when my son was born. I left it at their house (in my partners old room) as we didn't need it and we don't have a lot of space at our house for unnecessary things. They recently found it and got upset that we hadn't used it. I'm of the impression that you can give someone a gift, great, but they are under no obligation to use it. Especially if they haven't said they needed it.

Another few examples. My sister asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her what I wanted and she got me something else (same price) because that's the thing she liked. I was miffed because I didn't like it, nor did I need it. She was upset because I didn't like it. My partner once again said I was horrible and that I should be grateful. She shouldn't have bloody asked me what I wanted if she wasn't going to get it!

Lastly my gran bought something age innapropriate for my baby. I thanked her and said he wouldn't be able to use it just yet as it was a choking hazard. She exclaimed she could never do anything right and took the bloody gift back!!

So yeah, aibu or is he?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 09/10/2015 18:11

Yabu - smile and say thank you. What happened to a bit of politeness?

Lightbulbon · 09/10/2015 18:13

The first example yes you were very rude.

The second, it depends.

The third, yes ungrateful, just keep it till it's needed.

GinandJag · 09/10/2015 18:14

Yabu.

DoveCazzoEIlMioCaffe · 09/10/2015 18:14

You do sound a bit 'speak as I find' (aka rude) - could you not just smile and accept things gratefully? There really is no need to go blurting out the truth in situations like this. I think your partner is right.

Spl0ink · 09/10/2015 18:15

Gifts are a two way street, people get invested in buying nice things. You don't have to like them or use them but telling people that seems unnecessarily harsh.

Rollermum · 09/10/2015 18:15

Yes, I agree with Lightbulb

Spartans · 09/10/2015 18:15

On the second one I would say yanbu to be disappointed it wasn't what you wanted when she actually asked you what you wanted. Then ignored it.

However you do sound ungrateful in all three circumstances. Especially the in laws and granny one.

The fact that your granny said 'I can never get anything right!' Suggests it's a pattern with you.

In all 3 I would have smiled and thanked them.

OTheHugeManatee · 09/10/2015 18:16

I think you sound a bit ungracious. The civil thing to do with unwanted gifts is to thank the giver warmly, take the item home and put it in the regifting box / charity bag / bin as appropriate.

londonrach · 09/10/2015 18:16

Yabu. Cant believe how rude you been to your family members. Even if you dont like want have the gift its polite to thank the giver and take that gift away. In the case of the baby items you could have taken then away so inlaws were pleased or given or sold them if you dont use them. What you said to your dsis was very rude.

HodgePodge23 · 09/10/2015 18:16

I smiled and thanked my in laws and my gran. Not so muh my sister because she only bought it so she could use it. And I only told my gran he couldn't use it yet because she would have expected him to play with it then and there.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 09/10/2015 18:16

Really ungrateful

You sound like a real breath of fresh air

lostincumbria · 09/10/2015 18:16

You are, absolutely, ungrateful. Because you're not grateful. If you were grateful, you wouldn't be ungrateful. But you're not. So you are. Ungrateful.

Spartans · 09/10/2015 18:16

I am actually really shocked you left the gift stashed in your dps old room.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 09/10/2015 18:17

You. Seriously do you need to ask? I don't think ungrateful really covers it - you're rude and ungracious to boot. I can understand if something is unsuitable, in that case you say 'oh I love it, but child will have to wait a while to use it as she's too young'. Anything else, you say 'thank you', and take it. Unless it's a bloody trampoline/bouncy castle/car for 17th birthday or similar awkward item, there is no reason why you can't take it. If you really can't, the phrase 'oh how lovely, can we keep it here for all the visits? Spare clothes at gran and grandads is always useful'. Learn some manners, or your next complaint will be 'husband's family never buy for my darling child!!'.

Oysterbabe · 09/10/2015 18:17

Yabu in all 3 situations and you should know that. You remind me a bit of my ex, he was a psychopath with little awareness / regard of other people's feelings.

catfordbetty · 09/10/2015 18:17

Doesn't anyone just grin and bear it anymore?

TheBunnyOfDoom · 09/10/2015 18:17

First example - yes, you are. It's extremely rude to accept a gift from someone and then leave it at their house with no intention of ever using it.

Second - you could have just accepted and said thank you. I hope you didn't tell her you hated it to her face.

Third - yes, you should have just said it will be perfect for when he's older. Nothing wrong with keeping it for a couple of years and then using it for him, surely?

So, yes, YABU. And a bit rude.

Spartans · 09/10/2015 18:17

You thanked them then stashed it in a spare bedroom at their house!

cleoteacher · 09/10/2015 18:18

With both examples of the baby clothes you do sound ungrateful. Just smile and say thank you and pretend you use it or put the baby in it when they come round. I wouldn't leave it behind as that does look bad. My mil often buys me baby clothes I hate but I say thanks and smile and then ds just wears them when she comes or they go in the wardrobe with the others but are never worn . I keeps the peace.

The sister thing is annoying. But again I wouldn't say I didn't like it I would come up with another reason and then see if it can be exchanged .

Osolea · 09/10/2015 18:18

It does sound like you need to learn to be a bit more gracious tbh. If someone gets you a gift whether you like it or not, you're just supposed to accept it politely and say thank you. It's not difficult.

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 09/10/2015 18:18

I was always brought up with the rule that, regardless of your feelings about the gift, you should smile and say thank you.

YABU

sugar21 · 09/10/2015 18:18

I would love a gift from ANYONE whatever it is.
Be grateful people are thinking of you.
YABVVVU

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herderofcats · 09/10/2015 18:19

YANBU to not like or want the stuff.

Your sister was rude imo, what was the point in bloody asking?!

HodgePodge23 · 09/10/2015 18:19

My gran doesn't buy me presents she gives me money. So I've never really been in a situation where I'm being ungrateful with her. She's a very woe is me kind of person and spent her whole visit here telling everyone that no one loves her. The whole family finds her to be a handful.

I didn't tell my in laws we didn't need it. I thanked them for everything. We just left some of the stuff at theirs. Such as an outfit that wasn't weather appropriate.

OP posts:
MuttonDressedAsGoose · 09/10/2015 18:19

With the MIL, the only thing that could have saved you would have been "Oh, my God! That's where it is! I thought I'd lost it and I was too embarrassed to tell you about it!" At least she wouldn't have been insulted.

Your gran you could have said, "Oh this is wonderful! He'll love it!" You don't have to add "When he's older."

Your sister... meh. If she really got you something that she wanted for herself you still should have smiled graciously.

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